From oxy to subs to kratom to withdrawals - help

[Ineedshelp2]

Hi everyone,
A few years back I had shoulder surgery and started taking oxys. Because of a back injury I kept taking them even after I didn't need them. My doctor was pretty understanding of my back pain and kept prescribing 120 pills per month. 40mgs each. After 2-3 years I decided to quit but the withdrawals were unbearable. At that time a friend introduced me to Suboxone and it worked!
Little did I know that the medicine that help me was going to be the same to hook me even worse. I bought subs of the street for 2 years. Never really abused it but took enough to feel normal. Finally I decided to quit so I tapered for 3 weeks down to almost nothing and quit on aug 1st. I didn't sleep more that's a couple of days and suffered from RLS and major stomach cramps to the point of agony. Then reading through the forums I found kratom. The day I started the withdrawals went away!!! Another miracle! I was taking 10 grams twice a day for about 1 month and then tapered .25 grams per dose every 2 days. I ended up having to dose 4 times per day and even woke me up in the middle of the night to dose again. Eventually I got down to .5 grams per dose and ran out of Kratom. I just stopped taking it all together and almost forgot I was an addict. 2 weeks after I quit the withdrawals started again. Leg pain during the day, upset stomach, anxiety and sleepless nights. I ended up buying some kratom and still have subs left and I gotta tell you I am being tempted everyday. I'm a business man and no one can ever know about this and because of that it's very hard because I don't have any emotional support and my wife would never understand.
I just need a break from feeling crappy and been deciding whether to take a small dose of kratom or and 8th of a sub strip just to calm me down.

Any help would be great! Thanks

[SJS49]

I really started to feel better at about 30 days. That was like a huge turning point. And it was sudden for me. I woke up and was like "wow, I feel like my old self" If I didn't know better, I never would have known I had been on pills for 10 years. I've never taken kratom before though, so I have no idea what the withdrawal is like from that, and how long that takes to go away. I was thinking about getting some at the beginning of my detox, but someone told me that it comes with a whole new set of problems, addiction and it's own withdrawals. Just keep thinking positively. Do not dwell on how long it will take to feel better...you have to focus on right now, this second, this minute, this hour, this day. Don't even wonder about tomorrow or it will make you feel worse. You are doing great! And you are worth this fight, believe me! Pretty soon, "time" won't even matter and you will forget that you felt crappy an hour ago, or a day ago. Your brain is learning how to live without the drugs. Mine learned extremely fast, and I hope yours will also.

[Ineedshelp2]

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm looking forward to that day...

[SJS49]

You're very welcome! And that day will be here before you know it! Keep your head up, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are stronger than some stupid pill and a plant! Kick it's butt! And talk to your doctor about getting some muscle relaxers and I take hydroxyzine for anxiety, works great and it is non addictive! My doctor is my biggest supporter and the ONE person that I can tell anything to. I'm lucky that I have him.

[SJS49]

Also, most on here swear by aftercare of some kind...i didn't do it for a while, but I did find a group that I started going to. It's not N/A or A/A and we don't do 12 steps, but they are a great group. I find that my doctor is way better to talk to.

[Ineedshelp2]

Thanks everyone! For the record, I haven't been taking subs and kratom at the same time. I stopped subs in august and picked up kratom to help with the withdrawals. Ended up addicted to Kratom which I took for 6 weeks. My nights are better and I am sleeping for 6-7 hours now but my stomach bothers me during the day and my legs do to. But it's been almost 3 weeks clean!!!

I just wonder how much longer before this is all over....

[SJS49]

Hi Ineedshelp. I hope you are doing a little bit better. I have a job and a family also, and I'll tell you the two things that helped take my mind off the withdrawals were my job and my family. Even if you feel like total s**t, get up, take a shower, and go to work. It kept my brain and thoughts busy as opposed to sitting there dwelling on the fact that you feel like crap. As jifmoc said, we all have to pay the piper (withdrawals), but if you keep using subs and kratom, the withdrawals are just going to be there when you stop. Ibuprofen 800 mg 3 times a day also helped more than you can imagine. I didn't think they would because the Norco 10's I was taking were "so much stronger" but they helped a great deal. My doctor also prescribed me Baclofen, which is a muscle relaxer, but it is non addictive and doesn't make you high in any way, and that helped alot with my restless legs and leg cramps at night. And that is the only time I took it because it made me sleepy. Hot epsom salt bath, cup of sleepy time tea extra (you can get it at any grocery store), it has valerian root in it which is a natural sleep aid and ONE low dose Baclofen. I would start with the bath one hour before bed, then the tea and the Baclofen right before I got into bed. I would also be honest with your wife, and your doctor as there are things that he can do to help ease the withdrawals a little, but nothing with get rid of them completely except for using what you are trying to escape, and being free and clear headed and actually feeling your feelings again is so worth the 5-12 days that you will feel like crap. Walking will also help with your leg cramps and it will also help your brain to start releasing natural endorphins again. So will playing, cuddling and laughing with your children believe it or not. Your life is worth the price you have to pay for getting clean and addiction free!!

[jifmoc]

When you are really truly so beyond sick and tired of this life, you will go through withdrawls willingly, and then get help for your addiction. Right now, you are still torturing yourself. Most of us did not start out taking opiates recreationally either. Most of us had them prescribed for legitimate pain. The best course of action for you would be to dump the subs and the kratom and anything else you have, go through wds and start getting help for your addict brain. When you get help for your addiction, if you do the work, you will even lose the desire to use. I can hear in your words that you are determined to keep doing what you are doing. I know you asked for help, and that is so great but often times, we don't want to do what's offered (hell, I certainly didn't.) Getting free of active addiction requires doing lots of stuff we don't want to do. Eventually, though it gets easier or no one would stay sober!  In any case, stick around, and keep sharing what's on your mind.

[Ineedshelp2]

Thanks for the input. So far I haven't caved in yet. I'm trying to get through it and see if I can get rid of this burden. At this time with all I have going on meetings are not an option, but I do see your point

[jifmoc]

Hi, I want to second everything that Lesa wrote but also add on that the secrecy is keeping you sick. EVERY addict at the beginning thinks that no one would ever understand, and that if they told anyone, their whole lives would fall apart. The irony is, your life is already falling apart. I strongly suggest stepping into an AA or NA meeting. They are only one hour, they are free, and everyone in there has gone through the same thing. All the people in my meetings are professionals w/ families etc. Just sit there and listen. I tried for so long to do it and get it together on my own, but I ended up in the same cycle that you are in now. Every time.Until I surrendered and got my butt into the rooms.  Put your ego/pride aside and take care of yourself. People aren't focusing on you, even though that's what your head is telling you, they are focusing on themselves.

[Ineedshelp2]

Thanks for your answer. I hear you loud and clear but I still have to work and care for my family. I didn't start taking drugs for recreational reasons, unfortunately I got hooked and the reason I've been changing drugs is in hopes to reduce withdrawal so I can function. I'm at a point where it's almost over but the leg pain throughout the day keeps making me consider a dose just to get a break....

[10356]

They sell a product for Hylands restful  leg our a knock off at the drug store.. you can try it I know I did and it helped also hot baths with Epsom salts helps it forces magnesium into your muscles, walking and potassium you can get that in bananas a Heating pad  even ace bandages woven snug around your legs helps with the restlessness.. I'm glad you are hanging in there I hope all our some of these help !

[10356]

for restless leg syndrome

[Crazynomore]

PlEase try narcotics anonymous.

[10356]

Hello Inneedofhelp Welcome to the forum.. You can not escape the wd's they are going to happen no matter what you take, when you stop the wd will set in There is no getting away from paying the piper. I must say what you are doing is making it all worse in the end. Every time we go thru wd the next wd will be a lil worse.. Oxy you would have been off it in a week and feeling well in 3 the subs are a much longer wd the Kratom also has it own set of wd problems but I believe you felt the sub wd after that 2 weeks It has a very long life.. My suggestion would be to quit it all and feel sick for 3 our 4 days.. I can not say for sure the worst would be over in that time as you have ingested a lot of different drugs. if you take more you are prolonging your misery.. Protein drinks eating healthy staying hydrated and hot showers movement walking exercise will get you thru. a few sleepless nights is a small price to pay for your freedom.. as for anyone finding out about your addiction You can see a private addiction specialist.. find the reason you feel the need to escape reality and deal with it.. Addiction leads us nowhere but jail institutions and death... I hope others come along with support, Being honest with your loved ones is a important step in getting clean as we need  someone to be accountable too.. I'm sorry you feel crappy but if you can just hang in a few more days you may turn the corner and believe me when you do You will know it was worth it ! I wish you well. lesa