GM MY FRIENDS

[vicaddict]

How is everyone? I am going through posts from when I posted last w3hich I thought was only a couple days ago, LOL. Had to go back 8 pages! WOW
;)

I see tons of support, love reading everyones experiences, and together maybe we can all beat this.
I am one who has tried too many times to count tapering, tried ct and that was a NO go period! But taper is taking much more longer than expected and I have my days where I say F it and lose where I am going.

This cycle is horrible...so horrible it baffles me why I do this to myself. That is what I am doing....doing it to myself.
At the same time, I am too scared to let go to fast. My head just spins thinking of it all.

I hope everyone is having a good day today. Thoughts, experiences, welcomed. :)

Many Huggs

Tracy

[vicaddict]

Thank you both....athena your words are so comforting, thank you so much.

I have been praying, but I think I better start praying a bit harder. :)

Thank you all again.

Huggs

[vicaddict]

thank you all.

The "she lives", god I hope so. I am so scared daily that this addiction is consuming more and more of me...I want to be over it. It seems to easy looking at it in black and white..(want to stop? then stop!) But god if it were that easy. I have to say I have never battled something like this. I am on other meds for anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, etc...all over 5 years now. None of these meds I got hooked into. I am sure if I were to just up and stop taking them well then I assume I would have wd's as well. But these damn things, the pain pills. I take them for my pain but I also take them just to stay "normal" or feel normal rather. But I have noticed throughout my posts, from back when I first joined I was at about 7-10/day....now some days I will check and notice at the end of the day I have taken more than 10!
It just means it will keep climbing, and I need out before that. I have pretty much secluded myself from everyone. Even my internet friends. I "hide out" so to speak...don't want to answer the phone, don't want any visitors, don't want to do a damn thing. I am just sitting here rotting. My house is a pig sty, never have I lived like this.
I have no motivation...god what have I done to myself? I TRY and force myself...I will get a couple things done then I want to sleep.
I have found that many nights...on the weekends when the kids are not here...I will lie on the couch at 5pm and not awake until early the next morning, like 4 or 5am...and I go back to sleep for another few hours.
WHat is that? Sleeping off all the medication? Then I wake and am severely depressed as I look around my home, see it is in awful shape...look at myself and see I look horrible, sweating all night..assuming that is from sleeping through all those hours w/o any medication like I am used to having. So unhealthy I feel.
Why am I writing all this? Not for a pity party, no..B/c I feel I need to, I need this to reflect back on everyday if I have to, but more in hopes that I will be totally off these soon and can look back at this as a reminder of the mess I am in and never wanting to go back.

[minnie11]

Hi Tracy, I can certainly relate to that - I haven't been that successful tapering either, some days according to plan, some days not, but it is even more difficult now, since I am battling yet another infection of a root (teeth) and in a lot of pain (I have been prescribed penicillin though and hopefully this will have an effect). But I am still determined to succeed, all those pills are bad for our health and financial situation as well. I am planning to taper more seriously from Monday for a week and then quit. I know I have written this a hundred times, but this I haven't changed the plan, I just have to wait for some days off work in order to do it.
Are you tapering again now? The best of luck to you and keep posting.
Minnie

[htp115]

WELL, WELL, WELL

she lives.....LOL

hey girl, i'm glad to see you posting, i was beginning to wonder about you.  hang in there... sometimes we have to take 1 step back and 2 steps forward, it takes longer but as long as you have the WANT you will get there..


luv ya,
tink :)

take  "baby steps"

[Sanguinity]

Hang in there, I suffer anxiety and pain and am being treated for both and I still feel out of control.

[Sanguinity]

You are very brave to just let it all out.  You will survive this...God bless you.

[athena-8]

Yes, dear, the cycle is true insanity, but the pain and suffering is usually the impetus for us to change. Easier said than done, I KNOW, I KNOW!!!! It's very, very hard to break the chains of addiciton.

It was very powerful for me to read what you're going through b/c that was me 2 weeks ago. All I could think when I was a part of that vicious cycle was "What a waste". I, too, had gotten to a place where I preferred sleeping through my entire life. The pills indeed make us this way. The real, authentic you is layers deep, but she's still there, waiting for a life line...

If I knew the secret to quitting for good, I'd tell all of you and we could all sign out once and for all and go about our lives pill-free and without a care in the world.

You're not alone, honey; just know that. Reaching out to us here on the form is a step toward getting out of your isolated state. The disease of addiciton thrives on our isolation. If you pray, simply pray for the willingness to do whatever it takes to stop this insane cycle. I'll pray for you, too.

Warmest regards,

--Athena

[LIZZIE LOU]

good morning...so glad to hear from you.  

i just sent fladdict an email yesterday asking about you and if she had heard anything...you have been gone for a while...and i was getting worried :(
you came back with such exuberance...and then...BAM...you were gone.

all you can do sweetie is keep that desire going...it will happen...don't give up the drive.

huggs,
kim