Getting my life back...... Again.

[GabbersMommy22]

So I dont know if any of you remember me..... I was on here about 4-5 months ago. I had gotten off all the pain meds and was doing really well. Had gall bladder surgery.... did great. Then got pancreitis..... been on the meds ever since. I had about 70 days clean when I relapsed, and once I relapsed I did worse than before. So now I have been off of them for 3 days. I am definitly feeling better today than the last two days but I know I have alot of work to do still. I know how much better my life was when I got off of them..... It was just like once I started taking them (which origionally was legit) I couldnt stop. So here I go again.... This time for good.... I hope

[GabbersMommy22]

Thank you all for the encouragment. This time one thing that is different, is I chose to quit on my own. I admitted what I was doing, flushed them, and told both dr's I was getting them from what I was doing, how much I was using and NOT to give me anymore. Before I was way to scared to do that. They gave me alot of praise for admitting it because nobody had any idea. I just want my life back and Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. Im tired of not being in control of my life and the pills running my life.

[dominosarah]

Gizzy is right.....the guilt will keep you down.  Aftercare is very important.  You are doing a good thing by cleaning up now.  I used the whole time my kids were growing up....dont make that same mistake........sara

[gizzy32]

One of the hardest things for myself and I think many of us here is the guilt. That part took me that longest to work through because I lied so much about my use and when I failed I could not admit to it. I held onto a lot of things, but learned that we can't change the past and what I went through led me to where I am today. You should be proud of quitting because it's very difficult, so don't be so hard on yourself. If you feel like you can't work through that guilt, then go talk to a counsellor, it could do wonders for you. Holding on to guilt can be very damaging, so hold your head high, your on the right path now.

[GabbersMommy22]

I know I can I got through it before and I keep telling myself that in a matter of time I will feel sooooo much better. The hard part for me is the guilt from when I was using. At the time I always thought I was super mom and everyone else did as well. I know I never neglected nor abused my children, but I just felt like I have robbed them. Especially my daughter, she is almost 10months old. I was sober the whole pregnancy but have pretty much been high her whole like except for those 70 days. Thats the part that kills me, is that I have put my son and daughter through this.

[dominosarah]

Nice to see you back.  Hope your medical issues are under control.  Stay with us now....you can do this!!!!          sara

[gizzy32]

Welcome back! It does seem that each relapse gets worse, but your back on track now, so congrats on 3 days clean. Just like you said, life is better without them so remember that during those tough moments. Stick around this time and keep posting. Good luck.