ounds like you have some depression issues...have you ever considered taking an antipressent? I really think that would help you. I'm sorry that you are going thru this. I've dealt w/ depression that past 10 years of my life so I know what that feels like. I am currently on 150mg of zoloft a day.
Do you have enough to do a taper? And...are you strong enough to do it without giving them to someone you trust....someone who will give you your allowed amount even when you cry, scream or beg?
I just did a taper from a large amount of Vicodin 7.5 and Norco 10/350 that I'd been on daily for 2 years....10-12 pills, maybe more at times. I wanted to be clean bad enough that I was able to taper on my own. I just could NOT do it ct. During my taper I had a few really bad days when I cut my intake in half (which was the day after I decided I was sick and tired of being a slave to these pills), but after that it was not as bad as I feared. I started taking halves at the end to fool my mind....it's a very mental thing....and I feel SO much better! I was also sure I couldn't do anything without my pills, but much to my surprise, it felt SO good being clear headed. I'm still a little fragile, but I know that will pass so I'm loving this! I also drank gallons of iced decaf green tea, took vitamins, ate bananas for potassium...among other things. Check out the Thomas Recipe and Amino Acid Protocol in the Health pages (at the bottom right of this page).
The most important thing in staying off is aftercare rather it be meetings or a therapist. I do better with one on one therapy so I'm now looking for a good therapist.
Believe me when I tell you....you CAN do this! The best of luck to you!