Aa
Going thru the worse thing ive ever been thru
Just to start im sorry to who i make madbut i truely have heard all the bad mean comments and thoughts and i have questions im trying to get answers to . ok well its kind of hard for me to talk about it i never i would have a story like this. My husband and i just had our first baby together and he was born last monday he was perfect 7 pounds 10ounces beautiful all his health screens were perfect and for the first time in the whole 9months my husband and i were happy we both felt like we had everything.. And for the first 2days we had everything till 30 mins before they discharged us . well my health chart had been flagged because i had been to treatment b4 for meth,herion and pills. i had been sober after that for awhile then started using ughh meth again and couldnt stop except for three months in my pregnancy then started using again. Anyway i was to scared to tell my doctor and at the end of my pregnancy i started having extreme high blood pressure i was a week over due so the finally induced me last sunday. once i was at the hospital they were very sneaky about what they were doing but finally monday at 2:30pm he was born healthy 7 pounds 10ounces he was perfect. anyways when it was 30 mins till we could go home a social worker came and told methey put our son on a 24 hour hold cuz i tested positive for meth and they pushed my baby out of my room and took him to the nursery. wtf. my heart was broken the next day came and they said hey were discharging me but my baby was going to be held on a hold by cps.. it didnt seem real it seemed like a bad dream. my husband was mad .. i hate myself for what i have done to my son i talk to the nurses 20times aday to check on him and its killing me to not be holding him i cant believe what i have done he was showing signs of withdrawl so they put him on morphine and he is doing much better they said he will be kept there a month. when my husbands family found out they would call and thearten me and say horrible things just like everyone else i hate myself and will never forgive myself ever. its his week old bday tmrw and he isnt going to b with me i cant stop thinking bout it and i try to be strong but i cant and my husband is mad at me cuz cps is pretty much saying **** you to him. i cant believe i did this it makes me so sick. i have a case worker and nobody will answer my questions so if anyone can help please i need it. everything is harder when u have no support and they only thing u can think bout is what u did to your kid. what usally happens next why r they trying to act like he has no rights to his own son. how long is it going to take me to get him back i will never give up i will do whatever hey ask me to i need my son and so does my husband. this is killing me please someone tell me how i can get thru all this just to go thru it again tommrow
You're husband is the enemy. You're husband's abuse will destroy your sobriety. In treatment the first question asked "Is there anyone at home that will sabotage your sobriety?" The idea is that the person "at home" will either attend a treatment for families of addicts, so that the person can maintain their sobriety, or that there are other arrangements made so that the home is "safe" and your sobriety not sabotaged. You're describing an abusive home that you are pretty determined to brink your baby into. How have you addressed the physical abuse issues at home?
You don't want your baby in your in laws hands, because they don't have your son's best interests at heart, the fact is that your son's father is just as bad as his own father, and regularly physically and mentally abuses you. It' would be dangerous to bring a new baby into your home because your husband continues to be abusive to you.
You ask, why is this happening to me? I'm a good person? Somewhere along the way you became co dependent, and when you go to treatment , and are 100% forthcoming, a trained professional will work with you and you will find out why "a good person, who hasn't done anything to warrant abuse" does indeed, become a target for abuse. You don't have to be at fault for a psychopath to pick you out of a crowd and abuse you. There are enough problems in the world, and many people suffering in co dependent families, so there are still lot's of women who lack the self esteem to put an end to abuse, the first time an abuser "tests" you. Because that's exactly what they do. They play with you like a cat with a mouse, and after they've destroyed you, they'll throw you away and call you pathetic.
The physical abuse that you're talking about will rip your son's heart out faster than you doing drugs. Say you were a "functional addict" and didn't beat your kids when you were high, but just made it impossible to save any money, never owning a home of your own, or no college fund, or other bad "choices", beating a boy's mother is more damaging then if you did your drugs in front of your son. AND it won't be long before your husband starts to beat your son, because in your words, he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, it's always the victim who causes him to react. He thinks that he teaching you how to "act" when he beats you or abuses you. Telling you to put up your hand to talk, why not make Carter put up his hand to talk? It's okay for his mother, why not him? It's okay to punish you physically , why NOT punish Carter? He believes he has a right to do what he's doing. AND co-dependence to him means, that you're going to let him get away with abusing you. You're husband doesn't ever have to put a hand on your son (but i think he will) to damage CARTER BEYOND measure.
I think it's great that you went to treatment, that means alot. If you're blood and urine testing (you can get that done free in through the treatment centre) that's great too! Your long term sobriety is in danger. You are in danger staying with this man. He does not love you, or he would not abuse you. This is NOT because you are unlovable as much as it is he is probably misogynistic, trained from birth. This is something that has to be talked about ALOT in treatment with your addictions therapist or counselor. By you allowing a man to abuse you, you really start to feel like the stupid piece of **** he's been beating into your head. You have less and less ability to believe you can make it on your own. YOU DESPERATELY NEED TO BE OPEN WIT H A COUNSELOR AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROVIDE CARTER WITH A HEALTHY HOME. If you think all you have to do is "show up" to a rehab and not do drugs, while your drug testing, you're not doing nearly what it's going to take to DESERVE Carter.
You don't want your baby in your in laws hands, because they don't have your son's best interests at heart, the fact is that your son's father is just as bad as his own father, and regularly physically and mentally abuses you. It' would be dangerous to bring a new baby into your home because your husband continues to be abusive to you.
You ask, why is this happening to me? I'm a good person? Somewhere along the way you became co dependent, and when you go to treatment , and are 100% forthcoming, a trained professional will work with you and you will find out why "a good person, who hasn't done anything to warrant abuse" does indeed, become a target for abuse. You don't have to be at fault for a psychopath to pick you out of a crowd and abuse you. There are enough problems in the world, and many people suffering in co dependent families, so there are still lot's of women who lack the self esteem to put an end to abuse, the first time an abuser "tests" you. Because that's exactly what they do. They play with you like a cat with a mouse, and after they've destroyed you, they'll throw you away and call you pathetic.
The physical abuse that you're talking about will rip your son's heart out faster than you doing drugs. Say you were a "functional addict" and didn't beat your kids when you were high, but just made it impossible to save any money, never owning a home of your own, or no college fund, or other bad "choices", beating a boy's mother is more damaging then if you did your drugs in front of your son. AND it won't be long before your husband starts to beat your son, because in your words, he doesn't think what he's doing is wrong, it's always the victim who causes him to react. He thinks that he teaching you how to "act" when he beats you or abuses you. Telling you to put up your hand to talk, why not make Carter put up his hand to talk? It's okay for his mother, why not him? It's okay to punish you physically , why NOT punish Carter? He believes he has a right to do what he's doing. AND co-dependence to him means, that you're going to let him get away with abusing you. You're husband doesn't ever have to put a hand on your son (but i think he will) to damage CARTER BEYOND measure.
I think it's great that you went to treatment, that means alot. If you're blood and urine testing (you can get that done free in through the treatment centre) that's great too! Your long term sobriety is in danger. You are in danger staying with this man. He does not love you, or he would not abuse you. This is NOT because you are unlovable as much as it is he is probably misogynistic, trained from birth. This is something that has to be talked about ALOT in treatment with your addictions therapist or counselor. By you allowing a man to abuse you, you really start to feel like the stupid piece of **** he's been beating into your head. You have less and less ability to believe you can make it on your own. YOU DESPERATELY NEED TO BE OPEN WIT H A COUNSELOR AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROVIDE CARTER WITH A HEALTHY HOME. If you think all you have to do is "show up" to a rehab and not do drugs, while your drug testing, you're not doing nearly what it's going to take to DESERVE Carter.
I Havnt been on here in so long... I'm sooo happy ur doin what u need to for ur son. U didn't give up! I just want u to kno that I've been thinkin about u and am glad to see that u have made great progress (= and its such a blessing he didn't end up in the hands of ppl who don't have his best interest at heart. It also sounds like ur alot happier! Just keep it up. February isn't that far away, especially if ur granted overnites.
Make sure you keep us updated.
I bet you are so excited about seeing your baby again.
I bet you are so excited about seeing your baby again.
Thank you so much it means alot to me that i found alot of the best advice from everyone on this site i needed awake up call and support so thank you you have truely been real with me.
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