Going thru the worse thing ive ever been thru

[wantourbabyback]

Just to start im sorry to who i make madbut i truely have heard all the bad mean comments and thoughts and i have questions im trying to get answers to . ok well its kind of hard for me to talk about  it i never i would have a story like this. My husband and i just had our first baby together  and  he was born last monday he was perfect 7 pounds 10ounces beautiful all his health screens were perfect and for the first time in the whole 9months my husband and i were happy we both felt like we had everything..  And for the first 2days we had everything till 30 mins before they discharged us . well my health chart had been flagged because i had been to treatment b4 for meth,herion and pills. i had been sober after that for awhile then started using ughh meth again and couldnt stop except for three months in my pregnancy then started using again. Anyway i was to scared to tell my doctor and at the end of my pregnancy i started having extreme high blood pressure i was a week over due so the finally induced me last sunday. once i was at the hospital they were very sneaky about what they were doing but finally monday at 2:30pm he was born healthy 7 pounds 10ounces he was perfect. anyways when it was 30 mins till we could go home a social worker came and told methey put our son on a 24 hour hold cuz i tested positive for meth and they pushed my baby out of my room and took him to the nursery. wtf. my heart was broken the next day came and they said hey were discharging me but my baby was going to be held on a hold by cps.. it didnt seem real it seemed like a bad dream. my husband was mad .. i hate myself for what i have done to my son i talk to the nurses 20times aday to check on him and its killing me to not be holding him i cant believe what i have done he was showing signs of withdrawl so they put him on morphine and he is doing much better they said he will be kept there a month. when my husbands family found out they would call and thearten me and say horrible things just like everyone else i hate myself and will never forgive myself ever. its his week old bday tmrw and he isnt going to b with me i cant stop thinking bout it and i try to be strong but i cant and my husband is mad at me cuz cps is pretty much saying **** you to him. i cant believe i did this it makes me so sick. i have a case worker and nobody will answer my questions so if anyone can help please i need it. everything is harder when u have no support and they only thing u can think bout is what u did to your kid. what usally happens next why r they trying to act like he has no rights to his own son. how long is it going to take me to get him back i will never give up i will do whatever hey ask me to i need my son and so does my husband. this is killing me please someone tell me how i can get thru all this just to go thru it again tommrow

[LeaAnn807]

Wow!  I just sat and read this entire thread, and it about ripped my soul out!  I'm so glad you are clean now and that your baby is healthy.  That is ALL that matters, because that's what it'll take to get him back.  Congratulations on your time clean, and just don't ever, EVER touch drugs again.  I'm sure they will be watching for a while, and I would hate to see you lose him!  It sounds like rehab was a blessing for you.  Again.....I'm so glad it's worked out, and your husband's family didn't get to keep him.  That would have been a disaster.  Don't listen to any more negativity from ANY of them, your husband included.  No one has a right to beat you up emotionally.  Remember what you did for yourself and your son if you ever want to use again!  You DID IT!  Congrats!

[mamaof4410]

Take this as a lesson learned and never touch drugs again. Your son will not remember you like this so do your very best to stay away from everything. Best of luck to you.

[nursegirl6572]

Wow, what an amazing update!  GREAT job!  Keep fighting, keep working it...I coiuldn't be happier for you!  Way to go!  Don't let your guard down hon!  Keep on truckin'!

What's going on with your husband?  Did he get any help for HIS use?  Are you two still together??

Much love...you still have my prayers coming.  Your happy ending is coming soon...what an incentive to work your recovery huh?  XOXO

[wantourbabyback]

I just wanted to check in with everyone and give you girls a update! Thank you all so much this has been the worst possible thing to happen in my life. But all of you have helped turn it into the most positive thing as well. I just got out of treatment  and did great now im in a great  relaspe prevention program 2 days a week and have NA twice aweek my cps case worker said im doing great and by the end of feb my son CArtar should be back at home with me im so excited i have court monday to see if overnight visits can happen. Cartar has been placed with a living single mom for now she is wonderful she sends me photos and updates everyday. so thank you all for everything

[wantourbabyback]

i know they kept him there for that reason and im greatful they did. he is still there. im so mad at myself for what i have done. yes im going to treatment on tuesday. they checked out my father and brother in laws backgrounds and saw they were abusers and said no. they keep leaving me messages telling me they will do whatever it takes so i will never see my son again. ughhh. and im scared to say your probley right bout my husband his family always seems to do that. i just gotta do what i need to. thank u for the striaght truthful responce and support i need good motovation and it helps when i come here so thank u

[DrTinkerbell]

Honey, listen to me.

The hospital and child services kept your baby to protect his health and keep him from being sick.

Your only choice is to go to rehab and get clean now. I can tell by the way you are writing that you are still using meth. PLEASE don't listen to your in-laws.

Just FOCUS on getting into rehab ASAP. Trust only your case worker and a lawyer. There are services for free lawyers in all states. Don't trust your husband--he is using too and his family will influence him.

Tell your caseworker BEFORE anyone picks up the baby that your husband's father abused his wife and kids. Have them put your son in foster care, which is more reliable than your in-laws. There are many, many loving and safe foster homes and parents out there. I was one for years.

Then you focus on REHAB and parenting plan, NA meetings, and a church if you can. You need a support system of your own. Otherwise, staying clean, caring for a baby, and dealing with a shifty husband and bad in-laws will be far too hard to do on your own.

Make it easier on yourself. Follow the advice you're getting here. Get CLEAN and be reunited with your son when you are healthy. Push for supervised visitation, whoever ends up caring for him while you get well.

I hope that you can get clean, stay clean, and hold your head high. And I pray your son will be healthy when he's released. Best of luck to you. Remember: focus on what must be done. Block out the other crap.