Good news, bad news

[trdofbeingtrd]

I know I haven't posted in a little while, but I have good news/bad news. The bad news is that I will either have to go cold turkey from the norcos or taper off, BECAUSE the good news is that not only is the brace working (still haven't figured out how to keep it in place completely) but also, I might be getting another job 3 times a week dealing cards and have the other job one day a week. I have to see the doctor on the 9th. Today was a very very bad day though. I have 7.5 loratab instead of the norcos for now, and hopefully it stays that way.

Oh, and I need someone with medical knowledge to tell me the straight facts. My friend is taking the vicodin/oxycodone/methadone (basically whatever he can get). He is 4 hours away, and when I go out that way, my wife will be with me so that I am not tempted to take something he has, even for legit pain. Just saying that because I don't want anyone here to worry about me getting mixed up now that I am almost out. Anyways, I need to know something, he told me that in a 24 hour period he had taken 8,000 mg of acetaphedamine yesterday because he got some 5/500's and took 16 all together. Will this kill him, or is it just a stupid thing for him to do if he keeps doing it?

Anways, I am happy, almost done with this nightmare and ready to put pain pills away for good.........although I am no closer to knowing what is wrong with my back. I mean, if the brace works to keep the pain WAY down, what does that mean?

[bmdad]

You're right. Just because they prescribed medication doesn't mean you can trust them. It also doesn't mean you can't. It doesn't matter who recommends what. When it comes down to it the choice is always ours. That's one of the main reasons there are pages and pages of pamphlets with each medication. It gives us a chance to read about what we are getting ready to consume. Before taking any medication everyone should sit down and read through them and weigh the pros and cons.

All of us are fortunate in nowadays because we can read the pamphlets and also research as much as we like online. We can ask others how a certain medication has helped or how it has hurt. You could even do the research before an appointment and go in there armed with questions about certain medications.

Even thousands of years ago people took medications for certain conditions. The difference is now it's in pill form instead of some mixture of herbs. There has also been years of trials and research in order to come up with the best ways to treat certain symptoms. I think you would be surprised how much better you could feel if you would actually let a doctor treat you. I'm not saying just pick some doctor and do exactly what he/she says. Let them make a recommendation, do your research, talk to others and give it a go.

I think Sara said it perfect when she said, "So how is it really going trying to do it your way all the time?"

One horrible thing about addiction is that we tend to self medicate or self treat. We are not doctors and we have to realize that there are doctors for a reason. If you aren't comfortable with one doctor, find another. Eventually you will find one that you can trust. They are out there and you deserve to find one.

Best of luck.

[trdofbeingtrd]

Honestly, once I quit the hard drugs, and before I got hurt and took norcos, it was great. I went deeply into herbal teas and had my one and only addiction that I doubt I will ever stop, which is sugar.

I smoked marijuana, and it helped, until I started having panic attacks so that was out. I was never into getting drunk, and everything else is heavy.

I have been doing it my way since I was 14 and had some kind of mental breakdown. I was being abused daily and suicide would have been the way to go except I had a best friend who took me from hell and let me understand/live a normal life. I took about 12 packs of tylenol cold at one time, I didn't die, but I got really really messed up, broke a mirror, and since then havent been the same. I won't take a metal, but Gnarly isn't an idiot by any means, and I trust the guy, which is odd considering I don't trust people as a rule.

If it means anything, I do have trust in you as well and I KNOW your smart also, I just don't let people who give other people medication for a living trust.

[dominosarah]

So how is it really going trying to do it your way all the time?  

[trdofbeingtrd]

I remember a great comedian once saying "it's not a want for drugs, it's a want for personal treatment", this of course is not me condoning drug use. If there was something that would not compromise my real sanity, something that does not turn me into a zombie, then I would consider it. Also, I don't just trust a doctor saying something. I will be honest, this is not bragging (believe me), my mind is so fast, and is always on. Because of this, racing thoughts is an understatement. If I am awake, I am thinking, period. I have made TONS of terrible choices in life, so it's not like I am some superior in intelligence person to people. It's a gift and a curse. I found out just how peaceful of a world people with mental retardation would probably be. They don't have the complex crap we all think about. People with low IQ's might have problems as well, but they don't think about everything, all the time, in all the ways they can.

I did have depersonalization and derealization (sp), I found that was two thing I really did have. They want to say I am manic depressant and bi polar, but also that I have ADD and a hyperactivity disorder. I don't know if I have those or not, I can concentrate on something but other than that I have all the "symptoms" of ADD.

Anyways, it's something to think about. Thanks for talking to me, and thanks to the rest of people who have commented.

[gnarly_1]

HEY dude.....first off if your diagnosed bipolar that could be one of the reason you self medicate,,,,,my conslor says I have for years just never new it.....bipolar is not a death sentences it is a imbalance of brain chemicals in particular serotonin noraprnefrin and dopamine the meds wont get you high there not abusable and you wont even know your on them they just make you feel more even most are mood stabilizers once they get you on the right ones your not so up and down with your moods you respond during a crises insted of reacting life dosent look so dismal....I that God everyday for the meds I feel comfortable in my own skin and can function normally I have had my bouts with the meds but there few and far in between go have a phyic eval. done and get on the meds it changed my whole life right now we got to get you clean....get all the narcotics out of your system as for the good friend you can keep him as a friend but you haven't been clean long enough to be around him if you want this to work you must change people places and things
I have a plack my conslor gave me it hang in the kitchen above the coffee pot it says
I will do nothing that will put me at risk....those are words I live by and you should also
will walk out this detox with you but trust me your not strong enough to have dope right in front of you....im over 500 days clean and couldn't do it ....it just not worth risking it
let us know when your detoxing will be here to support you but blow off that trip to your friends good luck and God bless........Gnarly          

[stilltrying1965]

Congats on the taper i went c/t from a 14 year heroin addiction. You are getting there very proud of ya but sad for your friend. But this is about you and you getting clean I know what its like to see others who are friends hurting and a few of mine have overdosed and cost them there lives.So as it does hurt so much you keep moving forward You have my best wishes and all the luck in the world. Be good and kind to yourself,,,,,,James

[Kelseago]

I just wanted to say that I'm so happy your brace is working!!  That's fantastic. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. You're in a tough spot. Good luck

[trdofbeingtrd]

No, I don't like the idea of taking medication designed to alter the chemicals in the mind. I am not a hypocondriac but the reason I never took something like LSD is because I was always worried with the way my mind is that I would take off and never come back. I get scared about mental health real easy. In fact, I freak out kind of easy from all kinds of things.

I read everything before I take it, and because of that, I would be to scared to take almost all if not all medications made for that. I have my problems, and I usually **** people off or annoy them to the point that they stop talking to me, that *****, but it's only certain people that can stay friends with me. Other than that, my issues are not enough for me to actually be able to take something.

I come on this site to try and help people because if I can help, that really saves my depression issue. It's more of a personal battle I have always had. Some things seem to help. Chinese medication if it's herbal is something I would consider.

Thanks :-)

[vicki595]

Do you think you could try a trial of meds for the diagnosed bi polar? You may feel more comfortable,even,and less down. Just a thought...Maybe you can chat with Mark (Gnarly). He's been around that block.

Also,those doctors of Chinese medicine know a lot about herbs and alternative therapies.
Ever talk with them?  

[trdofbeingtrd]

Psychaitrists, psychologists, and school councelors. They don't say I am crazy, LOL, they just gave me a whole list of stuff, some is true, some I think is crap.

ImDONENoMore, I don't take it the wrong way.

[jrizzy303]

Yeah like sarah said substitute bad pills for good ones. I did. My pill now is sam-e and natural. I have one left. I might not take them anymore. It may help u break that habit. It helped me. whether its good herbal to, vitamins, yoga, something good.

[jrizzy303]

Yo, thanks close enough 53. For some reasone I feel being sober, Is the same as being on suboxone, maybe just cause I was on such a low dose and got somewhat happiness quick without them. Its weird.

[dominosarah]

I would just let your body clean itself out.  Work on getting out of the habit of always taking something, or get one good multivitamin and roll with it.  Who said you were crazy?

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay, I get it now.  I'm sorry you're having a tough time.  And please don't take this the wrong way, but I remember when I was taking all that poison, my life seemed a LOT worse than what it really was.  Don't get me wrong, I'm struggling with a lot of the same issues that we're all dealing with these days - financial woes, family stuff, but at least now I have hope that I can handle what I need to.  I NEVER had hope when I was taking drugs.  Just something to think about - please I'm not saying this to be harsh, just telling you what my experiences have been.  :)

[trdofbeingtrd]

I don't need drugs, I need to keep finding herbal recipes that help me "be normal", that's all............life just ***** right now, a lot. It was an offhand comment, that's all.

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm still not sure what you're saying - there are a LOT of alternatives to feeling better that do not require taking narcotics or controlled substances.  A good Dr. could get you on the right path here I'm sure.

But I'm still confused as to what the issues are for you.  Maybe it's just me - I can be a little slow sometimes!  :)

[trdofbeingtrd]

Regardless of what it was, I have always self medicated myself (I don't mean buying pain pills), I mean drugs, herbs, sugar, whatever.

I have a lot of issues, most of them mental.

So, when I stop taking this, I won't be taking anything. It's not easy, I refused all the hard drugs they wanted to give me. Lithium, ridillin, depekote (although I took that one for about a month), and more. Being considered crazy dosen't help when you really arent. I just have my issues they labeled with.

[dominosarah]

Quit confusing me and explain your last comment......

[ImDONENoMore]

Why do you think you can't take ANY medication - and I don't mean pain medication either.  I don't understand?

[trdofbeingtrd]

Getting clean isn't hard, what is hard is dealing with life without any medication........and I don't mean pain medication.

[vicki595]

March 17th is St. Patrick's Day...they are around then too. They fly in over several days.

Anyway...that's off the point.  Be a good dubie and take care of you,okay?  You need to get clean...just like we all did. It's really not hard you know...

[carson1975]

I really do understand about your friend it's very hard when your close with someone and u know that there hurting there self, maybe he"ll see u getting clean and you can be his role model, just hang in there and taKe very good care of your self!

[bmdad]

Do you just hear her or do you understand her? Nobody here says anything to trying to be mean. Everything is said because we have all been where you are at and we understand what it takes to get and stay clean. We want you to understand that also. Just because your friend isn't a dealer doesn't mean it isn't a toxic relationship. When everyone says that we have to cutoff all ties associated with drugs we don't just mean drug dealers. We have all had close friends that we had to step away from until they were ready for help. That's all you can do for now. Let him know you are taking care of you for now and are taking a step back from him. Tell him that once he is ready that you will be there for him. There is nothing you can do to convince him he's ready. If you continue to associate with him it will make your chance of sobriety very difficult. It's going to be a rough road until you realize that you are not the exception.

Do yourself a favor and for now just worry about you. We will all be here to help you get through these withdrawals just like we are all here for you trying to make you understand how addiction works. We aren't jumping down your throat. We just want you to learn from our mistakes.

Do your best to get motivated for the day you take your last pill. Go into this as strong as possible. If you give it everything you've got you will make it through.

Best of luck to you.




Brian

[trdofbeingtrd]

I thought it was March 17th........................

I hear you domino, I know your not being "mean".