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Today i am in hell Going toe to toe with the devil himself . I feel i cant cope with this sh... I am in real agony. This morning my dealer came to the door this morning said he was worried about me coz the phone had been off all weekend (more like the £300 he has not got off me over the weekend) But i have to admit i was tempted really tempted but i never gave into him but i told him this is my mums house dont ever come here again am not having that not at my mums no way. But i think he is getting the message i hope so anyway but im rattling really badly and i know it is going to get worse no doubt about that a lot worse than ever before but still in fighting mode. When the dealer went away i came came in and actually cried but i looked at all my messages from all my freinds here and it stopped me running out to shout him backThank you my new found freinds use no who you are my special friends thank you all  
26 Responses
186166 tn?1385259382
you've decided you've had enough.
you're facing your demons and doing something about it.
you sent your dealer "packing".

you should be so proud of what you've already accomplished...i know i am :)   keep up the fight...keep that committment firm.  the rewards gained will be 10 fold what any drug can give you.
Avatar universal
TO wake up and read something like this is the way to start my day...TO actually send him away when you are hurting so bad, is incrediable....YOU got this!!!
We are here for you, and you can do this...."Life is good clean"
r2r
Avatar universal
Ahh James I'm so proud of you.. Another piece of your life you got back.. You are no longer are a slave to that *****.. I know you are hurting.. I know your wife is hurting.. It will not last forever.. You are entering the 2 worst days of detox..  You can do this... You are moving into your 3rd day.. You guys are awesome.. You are a example to all of us.. when the desire is stronger the the need.. GTMI quotes that and I had never seen it so true.. Hang in there you are half way through.. You are doing it james.. I so happy for you.. I do not think your wife is going to have to be the strong one all the time anymore.. You know what is up if you do not win this.. You have too win this.. Your family your future depends on it.. What doesn't kill us will make us stronger... Dancing toe to toe with the devil.. This is one fight the devil is going to loose...  I'm just so darn proud of you.. Sent the dealer packing..............................................
743479 tn?1233592938
I am so proud of you as well..  good job.   I also think you  should tell the dealer  you quit so he does not keep calling you and stopping by.  good luck james..  melodie
340590 tn?1290952141
wow you sent your dealer on his way.  thats real progress.  keep going you can do this.  we are here to help ya.  keep going just a minute at atime right now.
Avatar universal
Great Job !   I know when I was going thru withdrawals and the devil was with me,  I made it by staying clean a second at a time... then a minute at a time.... a day at a time,  whatever you have to tell yourself to make it thru.  Now I have 165 days clean today.  I know you can do it. Keep the faith my friend.   April
601038 tn?1240252893
WhooooHoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTG!!!!
Avatar universal
I am so so so proud of you man. Just keep remembering why your doing this. I have to admit i thought about you last night and hearing you fighting through, getting rid of dealers made me smile this morning. You are quitting probably the hardest drug and even though it`s hell right now, it will pass. I am so sorry your going through this, but i can see how determined you are these past few days. You are inspiration to all of us although we may have you in clean days, this fight we get to see helps us all. Tomorrow you can get your diazepam and i hope you get some rest. I just want you to know we are very proud of you, your a strong man. Hang in there buddy and keep us updated. Your son is proud of you. Congrats on day 2, hehe
Avatar universal
Thanks lesa it was of people like yourself that i sent him packing as i said i didnt want to let myself, my wife or my family but i didnt want to let the friends i have made here down also. I want this so bad i know it will stop eventually im not going to say iv cracked it just yet coz theres still a long way to go but i just want to be able to say im clean and have been for a while never to return. We need to beat this to get the energy to win the biggest war of all which you know what that is. Our Son. Paul has offered us some enormous support on that matter which i will talk to you later about. I cannot believe the help and encouragment i have been getting from yous all here i know i would never have done it without it. I would have crumbled this morning when he came to the door. Thats a fact. But i couldnt bear to let you and the others down. Ourselves also but we want to make yous proud of us and its only people who have been there that knows how hard it is to beat something like this.You know yourself and others who have sent messages or notes and comments this morning I thank yous all. Im having a bit trouble typing coz the bodys not doing what its told at the moment and the concentrations gone, but kim is helping with the typing. We are taking turns each when the letters start swimming in our eyes we swap over so that helps a bit. Ill speak to you soon lesa. Thanks again James and Kim
752888 tn?1263248042
I don't know you but am beating an opiate addiction myself right now.  I can honestly say that if someone came to MY door w/a handful of pill I'ld welcome him in, rub his feet, make him tea and give him my wallet full of cash.
props to you sir for being so brave and bold.  I'm on day 2 of no vicodin - have been eating so many pills I've lost count.

man...I'm so proud of you
way way way to go brother.  you're a better man than I

`T
Avatar universal
I'm so proud of both of you.. I have tears swimming in my eyes for the love you have for each other.. and the fierce and determined love you have for your son.. You can not let us down James Kim.. You have become an inspiration to the many that do not post but derive strength and hope for what you are showing them.. You can win this war.. I look forward when we can talk and I do understand what it is like to have difficulty's communicating.. I and everyone else will be here long after this is over.. You have made life long friends here :) We all send you strength just as you right now are helping many..
Avatar universal
Id like to say thank you for your kind words and thoughts you all are an insperation to me but im not any braver than youor any better you will beat your demons yourself i have no doutb of that my freind you to keep up the good work and i will keep being positve thank you and good luck am still in the early stages but with your and the encouragment of others it all helps again thank you
Avatar universal
there are so many msgs coming we just cant belive what we are seeing THANKS TO ALL OF YOUS every one of use have touched a part of me and help me get even more determind tobeat this demon all off you have touched a part of me i forgot i had my HEART thanks to all and good luck  with what ever your demon is  we can all do this by helping each other again thanks to all of yous  i cant say thank you enough  your all in my thoughts todaythanks again folks
Avatar universal
Yes that is the first thing the ***** steals is our heart.. The dark is lifting and the light is shining through.. Like a breath of fresh air.. Please do not feel pressured to respond to everybody.. We all understand.. Take your time.. It is support for you.. nothing in return but you and your wife's freedom...
Avatar universal
paul i am sorry i did not get back in touch last night was really bad  We had started to vomit and on and off the toilet all last night and today is really hard but i stuck with it iv got so mutch strenth from everyone here today that posted words of encouragment i only had 1 hours sleep last night and i was really worried about kim she was so hot i thought something terrible was going to happen i got scared but our strenth comes from all my freinds and telling my dealer to go to hell was a big big step for us and it comes from all of my freinds you to paul and i promise you i will talk real soon my freind james
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You have shown incredible strength thru this and that is what it takes.  Stay focused and positive!!!  We are all so proud of you.............sara
562343 tn?1233601924
You are an inspiration my friend..you have come so unbelievabely far, Keep going,
Your almost there...Hope you's feel better soon...Sending all my strength you way..
Congrats..You's Rule...
Hugs
498385 tn?1362449404
Good job, suggestion is to change all your patterns.You have to get away from any triggers and write what it was like the last 90 days of your addiction , so when your head tells you it is a good idea to use again, you have it on black and white what  is REALLY like. All the best to you.
Avatar universal
I know it's late where you are and hope your finally getting a bit of rest. Let us know how you are when you can and keep that phone off and doors locked, no dealer is ever getting another dollar out of you. Hang in there James, YOUR DOING IT!!!
Avatar universal
You are wright its 11 30 and i have just 1 hours sleep since friday. And i do feel shatterd but wrestless but will try to get some kind of sleep But if i domt i will be back up for a chat Just another few days of this and i will nearly be there . Iget my diazipan tomorrow so thanks Gizzy i will soon be free but till then 1min at a time goodnight my freind James aawwwwwww yawn lol my man
Avatar universal
If you were closer i could knock you out myself, lol. Shattered is a good word, cause at first we are truly broken, but your fixing it now. Good to hear you still hanging in there and your halfway through the worst. I hope your trying to drink a lot of fluids even if it is hard
Avatar universal
Im rly proud of you! and so we all are i think if you concor youre demond it will be the best feeling in the world! keep it up!
412194 tn?1233621532
It may seem like hell hon, I think we have all been there.  BUT, God has to be right beside you, working in your life for you to turn that person away!  Trust me the Devil wont win this one!  I don't know you but smiled when I read this and my lil brother Giz is right and R2R I couldn't have said it better :)  and all the rest are angels here to stand beside you in your fight to get back to living, I know they all helped me and it feels good to climb out of that tunnel leading to hell, life can be so rewarding.  I am still fighting demons but I have KICKED the S**t out of the one that controled my life through drugs, now if I can kick the hurt and loss in my past I will truely say I have won the game.  Hang in there
hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
swtbreezie
Avatar universal
thanks hun but we really sick vomiting rls sweating stomach cramps no sleep scince friday the demon is leaving our lifes for good this time and comments like yours  just make us more determend never to return thanks for the insparation am going to win this one so thanks swtbreezie
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