HELP! my wonderful new friends

[jifmoc]

You've all been AWESOME. I've re-read everything. My resolve is losing fast. I feel like ****. (Just sooo weak and thus bored.) I can call my dealer and get some stuff: I don't want to, but this blows.

PLEASE tell me to get thru tonight. After tonight, I won't have access to pills anyway for weekend at least. Good Lord this is hard.

Tell my WHY it's better to not cave tonight. Sorry, just feel bad, it's even hard to write.

Again, I'm at 80plus hours.

[VICourageous]

Amen! Overopiates..That is why I like what Kyle says..He does not sugar coat it!! This is a very, very, very, serious disease and it is a matter of Life or Death, DO or DIE for me..Thanks
Jifmoc No matter what the approach is we just care and do know how it goes with this addiction and for me it will never be over..I have to work the hardest Job I have ever had to keep my Life safe now.
Bless

[overopiates]

jifmoc that post was not at all negatively directed at you.I wanna make that clear.U did the right thing and ur on the right path.Have u looked at meetinfs maybe?As addicts especially early on we get sober we fight our cravings and bordom is the biggest issue to start craving.U can combat both cravings and bordom by hitting a meeting

[overopiates]

Please remember that when people come here we do ALL we can to surround them with love and support.Thats what u need coming onto a forum and spilling your guts.Some people can get through withdrawl and keep going without being told the harsh reality IF they relapse.MOST of us r NOT in that group.There r people who HAVE to be told in a very tough love way.Kyle has never approached me in that way BUT he will if I need it and so will others.U get bith the kind approach and tough love approach here.We like to cover our bases because people r different and different aprroaches work for each person.We tend to use the approach that worked for us to finally clean up.I love that he posted about his cravings and the situation.He did so BECAUSE he wamted to be talked out of it and when he got told the reality he got pissed.He got that way because he was told th truth.MORE IMPORTANT it diverted his attention,made him think wtf am I doing with this connection a call away.Deleted it.Say what u want but Kyles approach had a positive impact!!!

[kyle505]

Thanks. I think that this forum needs both of us; between our two styles maybe we'll get through to someone. I've been posting for almost 17 months, and honestly, you're not the first person to call me on something I've written.
But, bottom line, all that I offer is from the heart, with the hopes that another individual won't have to waste 15 years like I did. I get "harsh" when I see someone side-stepping an issue, or ignoring the help being given.
Re jifmoc, I just posted on the other thread that I was proud of him - and I am.
Probably means nothing to him (I think he thinks I'm weird), but what he did is something that all of us can celebrate.
So, in the future, if you read something from me that upsets you, just know that I'm doing what I think is best to pull someone out of the darkness. I look forward to "working" with you.
K

[BelleFemme]

Well your style is your style. It is not mine. Like I stated everyone is different, that is why we live in a dynamic world. He has since posted he cut his sources. No one is saying to change your style. I am simply stating MY opinion. I have only come across positivity, even when it is given straight to the point, no sugar coating. This was the first time I was left with a not so great view. You have your experience, your style, as do I. May you be blessed.

[kyle505]

PS - I do not judge anyone; never have. My posts are based on my experience and 15 years of failure. Reading jifmoc's initial post was like looking back in my past. I post OPINION based on personal experience. That's it.

[kyle505]

To all -
This is an open forum. And I will not change my style, especially when I read "I can call my dealer and get some stuff: I don't want to, but this blows".
I've been at this too long, failed for too many years to sugar coat a response when I see a glaring red flag. jifmoc (as I pointed out) is at a very dangerous point in the detox process. The addict's brain is talking non-stop; and what makes it worse is there is a source easily available. Plus, there has been nothing posted about disconnecting from the dealer.
If anyone feels that my posts are negative, then you need to re read them, and grow up. Addiction is life and death; if I'm going to take my time and come here, I will do all that I can to help someone, even if that means upsetting them a bit. Addiction is not a game; it is not an excuse to socialize on this forum.

[BelleFemme]

No problem. You are welcome. I never react like that, but I just have an issue with MY perception of negativity. Everyone is different, that is what makes the world dynamic. I have never until today considered leaving. I love the positivity here, so I am going to focus on that. You should too. I am so proud of you! Cutting off sources is so important to beat this, as is support, aftercare. It is okay and NORMAL, from what I have learned to have cravings. I have not had them yet, the important thing is NOT giving in to them. Congrats on your 95 hours! I am on day 39 and I feel better everyday. Lingering anxiety and insomnia...lethargy..trust me I understand. Sometimes you may think something, does not mean you will do it. Try to stay active. Go for a walk, workout, PM me...keep those thoughts at bay. DO NOT go backwards...you will be feeling better everyday. If you take even one, it will not be enough. Get your life back, be happy and clean. It does get better, trust me :)

Isabella

[jifmoc]

THANK YOU, too for checking in w/ me.  I am on here constantly now, and every single person that gives me hope is a Godsend. Really.

Oh, if you didn't see my post. Didn't use. And can't anyway (no money, no access), but don't want to right now, just want to feel ahem...normal.

[jifmoc]

THANK YOU SO much, for standing up for me (and others) I agree. I already told Kyle he's being too rough, he knows. Nobody needs that when they are going thru this. As we know in NA or wherever, not everyone is loving, supportive, or even...well stable. Who knows what people are really like? This is still online after all.

That said. Nope, did not use, deleted ph. #s (and I'm broke so that helps!) I was just saying I was craving them. It's like wanting to punch someone or quit a job, just because you WANT it, doesn't mean you will do it. Right? I am at 95 hrs rt. now, still weakish, still blah, but I know I gotta be feeling better pretty damn soon. Um...right?

[FourJays]

Hey - are you out there?  Whether you got the pills or not, please let us know how you are doing.  No matter what, we are here for you, ok?  You CAN do this, no matter what.

[BelleFemme]

I am sorry, but I have to comment. You are coming off really harsh and judgmental on a few posts. We should support, give tough love, emphasis on love. I have read your story. I used vicodin for a year and a half after an athletic injury until I became dependent. Still worked as an attorney, fitness model/ competitor...I am young and I own property, never stole meds or effed up anyone besides myself, but I would NEVER judge or put someone down that is struggling!! We are all human! To err is human! Remember what you went through before scolding and honestly coming off as cruel. Since I have joined I have never wrote ANYTHING negative or been upset before now.  

[Rubber_Duck_Dog_Bone_in_the_pool_WhyNow]

I HOPE you didn't get the pills. If you did, you are the biggest loser!!!  Is that harsh enough :-)  Really, like others have said........ those first few days the mind in only thinking pills. It get's much better soon. Yep, the no energy is horrible. I understand.... just turning the channel on the TV remote was a lot of work.  HOPE YOU ARE STAYING STRONG!  Yeah... Day 4 for you!

[EvolverU]

Stay here with us! We'll lose that number together. Let someone else delete it if you can't. It's a lie..You DON'T HAVE TO use. Surprise yourself! Realize that it's your old thinking - your 'habit' whispering these things to you. Is a week of discomfort so much to trade to get out of hell? Don't look back! Stay with us. Start telling yourself every second of every minute that you ABSOLUTELY can do this. Don't you deserve not to feel this way? Emerge from the shadows, the self-loathing and the guilt. You're being reborn..ALLOW it. Stare down the lie of your screaming mind/body. I promise you it will not last! HOLD FAST! We're Here.

[toothfairie]

hang in there....it does get better...get rid of the number, sources....it's critical if you want to stay clean....the physical stuff will be gone soon and you will need to be strong thru the mental as well...that's why it's so important to cut all sources and get some support outside of here....this is an awesome site but you need people around you that are sober.  Hoping you the best day today and feeling a bit better....hang tough my friend...you can do this!!!

[vicki595]

You need to check in here...

[ariley13]

Delete that number!!! It's just too much temptation. And please think about all of the awful hours that you have made it through on this detox. Do you really want to throw that away and have to do it again later? I know it's a battle and you are in the thick of it. Your brain is screaming for the drug. Please push through this and make this the last detox you ever go through. You can do this, just need to set yourself up for success. Hang in there

[OpenMind24hours]

I can identify with your thinking that was going on in your brain when you wrote that some 6 hours ago. It's the natural thoughts of a  desperate addict who can't fight, can't flee, but refuses to flow. I'm in my 7th month of recovery from that exact thinking, and I've been in recovery since 1982 and once had 27 1/2 years totally clean and serene. It's that thinking, my pride to be exact, that sent me back out in solid using for 2 years this last time. 3 times in total in 4 years.

Really helping someone who really needs help means words can't be sugar coated. DEATH is real. Can't sugar coat death in any way. If left untreated addiction ends in jails institutions and death.

I go to NA and I learn that our addiction is forever out to slay us, but we DO recover. This is constantly read at every meeting. There are millions of us addicts who are still alive and living life to the fullest every day. We're alive because we know we're powerless over a disease that's incurable, progressive and fatal. If not arrested it gets worse until we die. The only alternative is to stop using and start learning how to live. When we are WILLING to follow a program of recovery, a course of action, a whole new life is possible. In this way we DO recover.

[Overwhelmed10]

How are holding up? I know the first few days are hard, but push through them.  You have to take your LIFE back..I've been there, I AM there.  Delete the dealer's phone number out of your phone.  Do what you have to in order to protect yourself.  Everyone has to suffer a little bit to get to the other side, freedom.  I know it *****, I'm on day 10 myself.  But it gets better.  The rough stuff is usually over in 3 days or so..really what is 3 days compared to the rest of your life?
I hope you are hanging in there.  Hugs.

[dominosarah]

As long as you have contact with that dealer the writing is on the wall.  We have to cut off all our suppliers.   You are going to feel rotten.  Our body takes a beating from all the drugs and it has to heal too,  I would highly recommend some aftercare and the sooner the better.  Just knowing that the dealer will be back should scare you enough.  There is no happy ending to addiction, only death and noone is exempt.

[kyle505]

Good. And yes - it was supposed to be harsh. You are at a dangerous place in your detox. Your head will try to take control. This is where so many people relapse. You're "just saying I want to". I know you do. And eventually if you have access to meds you will use. Maybe not tomorrow or next month or next year - but you will. I failed for over 15 years. I hope it doesn't take you that long.

[jifmoc]

Wow, is that supposed to sound as rough as it sounded? Harsh. I'm just being honest. I have not called or done anything- I'm just saying I WANT to.

I'm not wasting my time. Don't appreciate that. Maybe the fact that you pissed me off is good! Gets me outta my head.

[kyle505]

Life clean is a million times better than life using. That's a fact.
Why shouldn't you cave tonight? Because all the work you've done will go down the toilet, and you'll end up at day one, writing the same posts over and over again. Or maybe you won't come back at all.  
One thing is certain - if you still have contact with a dealer you are going to relapse. So maybe the work is already heading down the toilet. You know in your heart that its foolish to have a source. You've just been wasting your time here.