Hangin' in there

[Amaryllis1974]

Amazingly enough, already I have begun some of the day 2 or 3 symptoms. We wont go into any detail, but lets just say the toxins are a' leavin'.

I feel as if the fog has been removed. I was in such a haze during the taper that my emotions were all over the board. Starting to think that "teasing myself" with the pills during a taper is MUCH worse than when I have gone CT.

I haven't been angry once today, at anyone, especially My Beloved! That is a miracle in itself.

I woke early- 3:30 am to find my dog having her puppies, so for 4 hours my detoxifying mind was allowed movement and exercise and the ability to focus on something lovely and beautiful.

Then I took a nap....
At 9:30 am I woke again and felt lousy. Still feel lousy. Slow motion. Can not walk without dizzies, and can not really speak very loudly....(Sam is grateful).

But, I am so excited - somewhere in this tainted body of mine- to be heading home....
I can and will make it thru this. My resolve is much more powerful than my "want" to get high.

I have had not a single craving today either- odd, considering...

I love you all...and though my claws are in the ceiling, I GOT THIS
Amy

[geeves]

Great way to think. "You can't fell the highs without feeling the lows"  I know it seems like common sense, but, it seems like such an epiphany. Wow. I am dry erase markering that on my wall right now!

[oxyproblem]

You are an inspiration for some of us who are going through tapers and trying to beat this thiing.  Keep posting, its so nice to see some positive to think about... Thanks for sharing with so many who struggle.. :0)

[beatingthis]

You are doing sooo great!!! What I kept thinking with the bathroom issue is "just weight leaving the body" lol. So not only gets the toxins out of your system but feels like I lost weight lol! Yes I did know it was just fluid but it helped :)

Terry

[Amaryllis1974]

I do want it. More than I want death...I want life.
Thanks for the advice. I am like a sponge with all this good talk.
I need to remember I AM doing it, and it soon shall pass.
Thanks,
Amy

[kmb22]

like i have said, you really have to want to quit, and you obviously do.  and yes, as the days pass and you rack up 'clean' days you become more and more obsessed with putting more clean days behind you than ever touching a pill again.  i think a lot of us pill heads or addicts for that matter are obsessive people and taking the pills was not only about the high but carrying around the little bottle and snorting them or swallowing them whatever the method of choice was and knowing we had that to look forward to.  i know it was for me.

well now amy, what you have to look forward to is adding days on to your clean chart.  

it's great when you have something to distract you, even if only for a couple of hours.  congrats on the puppies!

i promise you, you will feel whole again.  every day that goes by, i feel better and better.  it's f'ing crazy...i never ever thought i could do it let alone feel good again on my own and here i am, sober and happy.  and most importantly grounded on my own accord.

keep posting.

and always remember, you cannot feel the highs without feeling the lows, so try your hardest to embrace the lows knowing that there is sunshine around the corner!

~kim

[Amaryllis1974]

Got it....Cottonelle, rocks right now!!!!

[dominosarah]

Keep up the positive thinking!!!  Make sure you have some "gentle tissue"!!  You can do this!!          sara