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1135275 tn?1586565652

Happy Holidays...

Hey, everybody!

I wanted to make a post giving you room to brag, vent, vision, envision, plan, or whatever you want to do in relation to the upcoming holidays! This is a strange year and I know for me, it has been quite the time trying to get sober *again* and stay sober... *again*. I've got about 215 days off the pills, which is fantastic! I've got about 18 days off the alcohol, which is a start! This holiday season seems like it'll be especially stressful on my end since I'll be rather isolated and won't get to see my aging family. Luckily, I've got a regular Zoom AA group that I meet with and finally found me a sponsor, along with regular therapy. I feel like that's my best bet for getting through the holidays dry as a bone! How about you all? How are you planning (...or perhaps not planning...) for the holidays, especially given this very strange time? I know responses are slower these days, so I'll check in from time to time.

Wishing you all the best over these next few weeks :)

~mm
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Congratulations on 215 days.  The fricking awesome and 18 days is a great start.   Holidays will definitely suck this year in comparison to previous ones.  Wish I could see family but seems best to follow suggestions and wait til next year
1 Comments
Hey, Danny!

Thanks on the congrats - yes, it was hard for me to imagine 230 days free of pills 230 days ago! Same with 30 days of no alcohol as of today. My sponsor reminds me that it's cool to hit those markers, yet it's not necessarily about them. It's more about one day at a time, which I find helpful since it's still hard for me to imagine 30 more days! But I can at least imagine this day, and that's a good start. :)

I'll be having a quiet week too, erring on the side of guidelines. It makes it hard in some ways, but also easier in others to avoid drinking, etc.

~mm
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
Job well done on the 215 days clean off pills!  

On January 1st, I will be celebrating 7 years clean off of all drugs and alcohol.  I feel like the last few months I've been clawing my way though life, and I can only pray that at some point it gets better.  I use (used) N/A to get and stay clean (along with this site) and N/A has been pretty non-existent in my area since Covid started.  

I have 3 married kids and one in college.  ALL of my family will be at my house for Christmas of which my daughter and her husband intend to wear masks and socially distance themselves.  This will cause issues with her brothers so I'm kind of not looking forward to the arguing.  I'm making a big pot of gumbo, potato salad and bread pudding....THE END!  Not working myself into a frenzy of dishs.  Trying to make it as easy as possible.  I texted everyone and told them dad and I aren't going anywhere, you're all welcome to come to our home and eat, no set schedule.  The END!  Hopefully, this works!
1 Comments
Motye,

That sounds like an easy way to do holidays this year! I hope it works. It seems most people are deciding it's a great year to really keep things simple. I also have to say, gumbo sounds delightful!

Have you looked into online meetings? I know they're not ideal. I do a meeting twice a week and it's not nearly as good as an in-person meeting, but it still seems to help some.

Congrats on the 7 years! I've never gotten that far, but... someday. :)

~mm
18524847 tn?1465595901
It's a full on journey with many bumps and twists and turns along the way.  You are doing great mrmayberry.  I love reading your posts and find you an inspiration.  Even when things aren't smooth sailing for you.  You offer hope to me, for sure.  Planning is key which includes planning for when I might go off the rails.  I have also tried to be flexible with my thinking and approach when my 'plan' doesn't go as I hoped.  That can make me trigger as then it all seems F'd up.  But I'm working on thinking of it as one moment at a time and being able to readjust when something isn't feeling 'right'.  

One of the things that bugs me at holiday time is all the 'stuff'.  Stuff to do constantly.  Stuff out in the house constantly. All the usual chores get pushed into the back because of the holiday 'stuff' I have to do.  Stuff stuff stuff.  Excess stuff in the house.  More junk coming in for presents.  I have a food stock up due to covid that makes me look like a food pantry which then makes me feel guilty. And no good place to put it.  Family is being patient with me but it is now bugging me cause it is more 'stuff'.  When I feel overwhelmed, I shut down and can't deal properly with the stuff.  And then the stuff gets dirty and more messy.  Feel like it is closing in on me, to be honest.  

Looking forward to January where I plan to clean the 'stuff' out. I say it every year and then get wrapped up in a netflix series or needing sleep and the stuff is untouched. ho ho ho but THIS year? I am going to DO IT.  

So, as you can see, my mind is in a whirl.  Feelings of inadequacy.  Feelings of helplessness.  Feeling of exhaustion.  Holidays are hard.  Sometimes I want to be a little kid again where someone else does most of the work, makes things nice for me and cares if I believe in Santa or not.  But I know that THEN, someone might tell me not to eat the 12 cookies I want to eat before dinner.  So, ya.  But it would be nice to feel cared for at some point instead of always being the caregiver.  

Could be more info than you wanted, ha ha.
2 Comments
I'm wishing all peace in their hearts for the holidays.  
Mombojombo (that screenname is so fun),

Definitely not more info than I wanted! I feel you on the 'stuff'. I've really downsized over the past 10 years. I went from a 4-bedroom, 3-bathroom house, to a 1-bedroom apartment, then to a studio, and now to something akin to a studio, though with 2 rooms. "Stuff" that used to be impossible to separate with has somehow fallen off along the way and I haven't missed it. But I'd say for the holidays, it's not so much about 'stuff' for me. It's more about feeling as though I either have to go everywhere and see everybody, or else be holed up and alone with my tiny 24" Christmas tree. Well, I've decided this year it's the latter and honestly, I feel a bittersweetness of being both bummed and relieved. No interstate travel. No trying to work out elaborate logistics of visiting who and when and how. Just phone calls, well wishes, and time to read some good books and catch up on myself. Ordinarily it might be a depressing scenario, but this year I can defer to the pandemic and accept it as an opportunity. Hopefully it lasts through Christmas :)

I hope you get some centering after the holidays. I know that for me, the holidays typically zoom by in a rush of trying to see everyone and do everything, then I land on the other side in a quietness that actually is too much of a contrast to the flurry of stuff. I tend to get depressed after it's all over, and then am more likely to fall into the trappings of nihilistic thought patterns and my sobriety tends to suffer. I feel good that this year, my support system is a bit stronger than it has been in the past. Hopefully I'll keep my sobriety!

I hope you'll give an update after all the stuff. :)

~mm
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
Just a thought......b/c I can kind of hear it in some of your writings........I used the most, during the holidays!!!  I think maybe we forget this.  To keep up with work, kids, house cleaning, extra shopping, extra cooking, extra people in the house, etc....  This is a time when most addicts use, as it helped with the stress (or so we thought).  How else were we supposed to keep up?  lol.....I think about all of the expectations I used to put on myself in having to have the holidays absolutely perfect!  Perfect house, perfect food, perfect presents, all the while I was completely falling apart on the inside.  

Holidays are hard.......and with Covid, it's just the cherry on top!  Today I will stop....do something for myself to keep my sanity (go to yoga, read my mediation, call my sponser) and then do what I can do....no more, no less!  
1 Comments
"Today I will stop....do something for myself to keep my sanity (go to yoga, read my mediation, call my sponser) and then do what I can do....no more, no less!"...love this!

I've been meaning to get some meditation and yoga back in my life, so maybe I'll try that over the holidays too! Thanks for the idea. :)

~mm
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