Happy New Year

[lulu747]

Hi MH family-
I hope you all had a lovely and PEACEFUL clean holiday season.  I haven't been around much because I am tapering.  This is taking tremendous strength because my pain and symptoms have not been resolved.  There have been whole days and nights when I have just laid in bed and wept and shook with pain.  Vomiting from the pain is NOT unheard of.  My doctor does not really understand why I am hell bent on getting off but as my specialist has said the only thing that WILL resolve my pain is a hysterectomy (and LORD I want a baby) this is NOT an option.  So I am meditating, wailing, keeping distracted.  My taper is going well despite this.  I am halfway there.  I will be off ALL daily medication by Spring and hopefully will conceive....If not, well I may have to take meds to deal with the monthly hell, but at least I will not be on constant meds.  Anyways, my point to all of this is I am not around because when I come on here and read about withdrawal symptoms I FEEL withdrawal symptoms....I don't feel them otherwise...SO psychosomatic!!  So I'm not here because I don't love y'all...I'm not here because I have to DO this and it makes it harder for me to be here.  I will be back clean and with good news for one and all.  I will still answer PM's and the such because you are all dear to me....But I can't help on this forum ATM. BTW I am working back on SMART and it is helping me immensely.  Love love love to you all.
xo
Lu

[jugglin]

Hey sweet lady. So good to see you.  Wishing you a wonderful 2015 filled with healing, love, and joy. Your journey will be revealed to you when the time is right.  Continue to heal and work on your taper.  You are such a pillar of strength and inspiration to others.  I miss you but know that you are working on yourself.  Blessings to you dear Lu!
Love, peace, and hugs!

[refills]

Ah lulu I feel so bad for you. You've been so nice and very helpful to me that it's hard to read about your problems. Here's to a better day in your not so distant future. I know you'll stick to your tapering so I'm not worried about that. You're still a young woman and you have a plan. God Bless you and I hope things soon will start to fall your way. Take care, be well, and Happy New Year/  ike

[refills]

Ah lulu I feel so bad for you. You've been so nice and very helpful to me that it's hard to read about your problems. Here's to a better day in your not so distant future. I know you'll stick to your tapering so I'm not worried about that. You're still a young woman and you have a plan. God Bless you and I hope things soon will start to fall your way. Take care, be well, and Happy New Year/  ike

[lulu747]

Awe bless you Gnarly (:

Yeah, I am keeping an open mind about the baby thing....A lot of my pain would be solved by having one and having a hysterectomy so it is a double edged sword.
I have been very disciplined with my taper and have not yo yo'd a bit.  SO hard when the pain is this intense.
But I love my clear mind it is invaluable to me.
Love to you.
xo
Lu

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl  good to see you...I know all to well the torture of tapering with pain   you just got to keep your focus it took me 8 1/2 mo to taper off 150mg of methadone you have good days then you have ruff ones the key is to keep your eyes on the prize  the one thing that amasses me is today I live in less pain now then wile on all the friggin narcotics I took for over 15yrs... opiates where the main drug of choice once I started abusing them im lucky to be alive the beer and the pot where bad but nothing compared to the pills and more pills  just keep your focus try not to yo yo your dose up and down it blows all the work it took to get lower  for me im happy if I can keep my pain at a 3 or 4  when I over do it working on the car or doing my chores I pay for it  but today I have a clean mind that can give me lots of reasons not to use  Recovery is amazing and I have herd great things about smart  as for a baby we had 4 and picked up a teenager named Dee she was one of the best decisions I ever made she stayed till she was 23 and graduated college she still calls me on sunday for some dad time and advise there are more ways to get kids then having one and God my bless you with a baby still but if you just want a family there are lots of kids that need one try fostering if it works out you can still have a beautiful family  my friends Carl and Jessie gave up hope of one and adopted 2 one from china and one from the states then she got pregnant with a baby girl  you just never know how life is going to turn out  who would of thought we would take on another teen when we had 3 teens and a 9yr old people at work thought I was crazy  but it all worked out some times you just got to go by faith and trust God  sorry about the rambling...I  look forward to having you back  but take care of you first......Gnarly