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Avatar universal

Hello all....

Haven't posted in a while, but checking threads daily and updating my status occasionally. I am now 36 days clean from OCs....sleeping well and feeling better. Although my energy level/motivation level is still and issue (sometimes I feel like I am draggin around a sack full of rocks). As is occassional foginess and every now and then my vertigo goes out of kilter, Mostly when I feel real tired. But overall I can't complain considering the circumstances. This post is not so much to boast about my pitiful amount of clean time, as it is to encourage those I see here every day, in the middle of wds, or just out of wds....the day 5-9 day people...wondering if it will ever get better. I assure you that it does. As I have said before, I don't know if I'm near getting back to normal. I have no clue what normal is after years of being high. Can't remember a thing about it. But I can say I am feeling good enough to enjoy life. It was nice to be able to drive up to Wyoming for my boys football games with out worrying about having the pills to get thru it. Or worrying about getting stopped by the cops with a bunch of OC's in my ashtray.

I cannot say it has hasn't been without some trials. Just moved out of my house, basically by myself. My daughter is now going to school 12 hours a day to finish. Hauling furniture out and to my storage. And countless boxes out of my basement, many of which fell apart and scatterd the contents on the way out. You know how that goes. As most of the stuff in the basement was my ex's I spent hours cursing here....and stuff in general. It's been frustrating and tiring and at times I though it might be soooo easy to just call one of my old friends. At least fell good while suffering through this. And no sooner do I finish, than the clutch goes out in my truck. 2 freakin weeks before I'm suppose to leave. Again, I considered how I could just make that call. Relax and enjoy a night. I've been good, right? But I know where that leads. Been there before. One of my big problems is that I have good memory retention. I deleted those numbers, yet I remember a few of them. Somehow though I resist. Not even because I feel I "have to". It's because I want to.

Yes life is a pain in the a$$ at times but I'm learning how do deal with stuff. Dealing with stuff is still new to me. But it's working out ok so far. I'll take it a day at a time and see where it leads. Might have a real good job waiting for me in Wy. So anyway, a word to those in the early struggle, if I can be doing this, so can you. I never had faith that I could actually go this far. I'm pretty weak when it comes to tempataion and I really liked being high. But I enjoy living more. Before I was merely "existing". I am living proof that any poor fool can beat this thing. And I am a poor fool, god hep me. Sorry for the long post but I'm full of coffee and waiting for it to warm up enough to crawl under my truck and look at the damage.

To those who helped me out, thanks, To those looking for help, good luck and hang in there. There are the best kind of people here to support you.  I'll be around.......

Salaam Alaikum
Jimi
7 Responses
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1283286 tn?1312911966
Thats great Jimi..As they say "little by little" :)
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Avatar universal
I'm happy you checked in Jimi .....stay tough and remember: Sometimes you just have to do the middle finger thing to the world at large !!!    

Call your EX and tell her to come get her c r a p !!     LOL

xo
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Congrats on your clean time!!!  Nice to see you checking in........sara
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1148241 tn?1294052796
Good job Jimi.  36 days is awesome.  I think that motivation/energy thing takes awhile doesn't it ...

I'm sorry to be stupid, but what are OCs?
Helpful - 0
739175 tn?1286940430
you stole my pic capt' spaulding

how is the gas and fried chicken station working for ya
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HEY Jimi good to here from you and congrats on 36 days...its goood you posted gives the troops in the trenches hope....I do my own maniacal work also and a clutch is no fun
but just pace yourself and allow a bit more time to do the job then normal I had some maniacal work come up early in recovery and I noticed I got tired a lot faster then I should have took me all day instead of the planed 1/2 day you will get it done check to see if it is a hydrolic assist a lot of times its just the master cilender or slave cilinder thats what happened on my ford truck...anyways always good hereing from you hope the job goes well with no hitches good luck and God bless......Gnarly    
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Avatar universal
Thanks all. Well my day got more interesting. My mechanic, who was gonna give me a good deal on replacing my slave cylinder, got busted by Utah County Major Crimes for possession and sale of pills. He is going away for awhile. I hadn't seen him since I got clean and I had no idea how ddep he was in it. Sad really, he is a great guy who would give you the shirt off his back. Well guess I'll do it myself.


Peace
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