Haven't posted in a while, but checking threads daily and updating my status occasionally. I am now 36 days clean from OCs....sleeping well and feeling better. Although my energy level/motivation level is still and issue (sometimes I feel like I am draggin around a sack full of rocks). As is occassional foginess and every now and then my vertigo goes out of kilter, Mostly when I feel real tired. But overall I can't complain considering the circumstances. This post is not so much to boast about my pitiful amount of clean time, as it is to encourage those I see here every day, in the middle of wds, or just out of wds....the day 5-9 day people...wondering if it will ever get better. I assure you that it does. As I have said before, I don't know if I'm near getting back to normal. I have no clue what normal is after years of being high. Can't remember a thing about it. But I can say I am feeling good enough to enjoy life. It was nice to be able to drive up to Wyoming for my boys football games with out worrying about having the pills to get thru it. Or worrying about getting stopped by the cops with a bunch of OC's in my ashtray.
I cannot say it has hasn't been without some trials. Just moved out of my house, basically by myself. My daughter is now going to school 12 hours a day to finish. Hauling furniture out and to my storage. And countless boxes out of my basement, many of which fell apart and scatterd the contents on the way out. You know how that goes. As most of the stuff in the basement was my ex's I spent hours cursing here....and stuff in general. It's been frustrating and tiring and at times I though it might be soooo easy to just call one of my old friends. At least fell good while suffering through this. And no sooner do I finish, than the clutch goes out in my truck. 2 freakin weeks before I'm suppose to leave. Again, I considered how I could just make that call. Relax and enjoy a night. I've been good, right? But I know where that leads. Been there before. One of my big problems is that I have good memory retention. I deleted those numbers, yet I remember a few of them. Somehow though I resist. Not even because I feel I "have to". It's because I want to.
Yes life is a pain in the a$$ at times but I'm learning how do deal with stuff. Dealing with stuff is still new to me. But it's working out ok so far. I'll take it a day at a time and see where it leads. Might have a real good job waiting for me in Wy. So anyway, a word to those in the early struggle, if I can be doing this, so can you. I never had faith that I could actually go this far. I'm pretty weak when it comes to tempataion and I really liked being high. But I enjoy living more. Before I was merely "existing". I am living proof that any poor fool can beat this thing. And I am a poor fool, god hep me. Sorry for the long post but I'm full of coffee and waiting for it to warm up enough to crawl under my truck and look at the damage.
To those who helped me out, thanks, To those looking for help, good luck and hang in there. There are the best kind of people here to support you. I'll be around.......