Hello

[JHMD]

Hi everyone.  I am new to this forum.  Brand new!  I am a 31 year old married male.  I have a son, he is 3.  I've battled addiction for probably close to 10-12 years now.  Mostly alcohol...some marijuana...and recently vicodin/percocet.  I "stopped" drinking about 3 or 4 months ago (drinking regularly that is) and started taking vicodin then percocet.  A few years ago, I went to AA for about4  months...didnt drink, did well on it but I didnt stick with it.  I just didnt really enjoy it.  I started taking pills (of course in my mind, that was okay because I wasnt drinking).  But within a few months, alcohol was cheaper than buying percs on the street so I went back to drinking.  Today, I have been completely sober for 4 days.  I guess the point is that I have been "on something" for the last 10-12 years.  I'm a "functioning" addict.  I have a steady job and have the entire time...I never drank or did percs while my son was awake.  But regardless of the day...once he was in bed...I either drank, smoked or pop a few percs.  I dont wanna do this anymore.  I want to live a clean, healthier life.  For myself, my wife, my son especially...my family.  

I've been at work all week...I'm functioning.  My withdrawal from the percs isnt too bad since I wasnt taking them all day or a ton.  Only 2 or 3 every night.  I guess now I'm just scared to the future.  Like, I always looked forward to my nights...whether beer, wine, liquor, percs...whatever.  And now...I'm having trouble adjusting to everything. I know its only been 4 days...will I ever return to "normal"?  As odd as it sounds, the last few nights...I've felt like my day/night ended at 8pm when my son went to bed.  I always enjoyed my time with him the most, since he was born.  But then he went to bed and it was time to "feel good" every night.  Now I wanna "feel good" without substances.  I dont even know if there is a try answer to this.  I'm excited and optimistic, yet scared and anxious for the coming days/weeks/months.  Does anyone have any advice or optimistic words you can provide?

JHDM

[JHMD]

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words!  I'm hangin in there...today is day 5 and I havent caved and I'm not going to.  I'm focusing on working out (which I used to love) and my family...and thats helping a lot.  As far as AA, yes I had a sponsor...though probably not a very good one or proactive one.  I didnt get very far in the program.  I went to at least 1 meeting per week. However, later on I did seek one on one counseling and that worked better for me.  So thats something I've considered seeking again.  I keep hearing the same advice that it just takes time for my brain to get "back to normal" to the time prior to the substances.  So I'm hangin on that thought.  Thanks again everyone!

[momofmm]

You can do this for you and your on.  It will be tough but you can do it!  Please just keep posting and there are wonderful people on here that have wonderful advice.  You can do this.  I was taking 20-30 lortabs a day and I am on day 5.  Trust me it gets better with time.

Much Love and Blessings~Mom of M&M

[avisg]

Recovery care is a must  if you want look term sobriety .Thing will start to get back to normal but it takes longer then a few nights . whether its going back to aa or something else you are going to have some type of program.  Exercise helps alot to get back to normal quicker ..We are here for support

[CATUF]

Did you have a Sponsor in AA?

How far did you get in working the steps?

How many meetings per week were you hittting?

It has been my experience that AA works if you really work the program, but it won't if you don't.

CATUF

[Greatgreebo]

Keep posting...you will get lots of advice here......I completely understand your position about being a functioning addict.
Stay strong,
Keep posting.
Go to my journals and read up on the PAWS, dependence and addition. It will help explain what you may expect.
Have you thought about getting some aftercare?
It really helps
Greebs

[beagles4u]

Congrats to you on Day 4!  What an accomplishment - I am on day 6 of vicodin detox and for me, day 4 was the worst!  It's gotten a bit better.  I too, have an addictive personality and what I've found is I have to change my habits, or those things that I personally associated with partying and change my support base.  Stay away from other users.  Stay strong for your son and for yourself.  You will feel good without the substances but it may take a few weeks.  The dopamine receptors are all messed up in your brain from the chemicals, and it take a while for them to realize - hey, it's my turn as opposed to the drugs emitting that feeling of euphoria.  Stay strong - it will get better and you can do it!  Many many good people on here are going thru the same thing and understand what we're going thru!  Best of luck, Sharon