Help me :'( I need a friend or a guardian angel or SOMETHING

[RecklessAtTiffanys]

Hey! :) So this is the first time I am ever posting to a website like this, but I was browsing the forums and a lot of you are very helpful! So I guess I'll start with a little background so you could have a better understanding of my situation. I am a 21 year old gal and accidentally got addicted to opiates! Completely serious, I did not MEAN to get addicted lol I guess it's something that you never think about when you first start using. That's the scary part of it, too. About a year ago, it started with someone giving me a Lortab (which I was even scared to take quite honestly lol) and I guess it all just went downhill from there. It was this same friend I had, gave me a lortab and I loved it because I just felt good all over and was even friendlier than I already am, and could drink my FACE off! Then he gave me a roxy. GOSH even more amazing feelings! Then morphine... which I wouldn't take for so long because the name is just scary... It's funny how things change. I actually was afraid to snort things, and if I did, I had to chug like a liter of Coke (which I am also addicted to now heh). Anyhow, all of that eventually led to me trying the big H. Now, the scary thing about that is that everyone makes you believe that the first time you try it, you are instantly addicted for the rest of your life. But, if anyone has ever tried it, you know that's not the case. For most people including myself, you don't shoot up the first time you try heroin. I snorted it, and I always have. And I wasn't addicted the first time I did it. I wasn't addicted the second time I did it, or even the third. So naturally I thought this was the best thing in the world. No comedowns, no side effects, I wasn't even craving it. But I actually stopped doing it. A lot of people in my city had been dying from chemicals dealers were cutting it with. So I started with Opana. Favorite drug. Ever. So now here I am. After a full calendar year of doing opiates, and loving every minute of it. And now I'm realizing that I can't go without it... I mean of course I CAN. But I don't want to. It makes me a better version of myself. And I'm doing very well at this point in my life when it comes to everything else but drugs. I'm in college, I have a good job, I have my own place, my own car, I take care of myself and do a pretty damn good job of it. This addiction is just WRECKING my bank account. My father passed away when I was 13 and when I turned 21 I got a windfall of money from the company he owned. Quite a pretty penny. And I didn't realize I was spending THOUSANDS of dollars a month on opiates. But I am and it's terrifying. So, if anyone had any advice or kind words that you think would help, I need something. I have stocked up on some subs for when I eventually try to DT, but I'm not sure how it effects your body and I'm just now learning that you could have WD from those, too. Any tips or tricks on how to make this less awful? Should I even DT completely? Or should I just ween myself down to just LT's? I have no idea!! :( I need a role model.

[VICourageous]

You addressed your post to me..I am sure you wanted it to go to the Poster..I have quite some clean time in myself..lol

[Heroin4Life]

When i was in college, i couldve written this post word for word. Thats when i first started thinking i maybe had a problem with oxycontin. And like you, i thought about detoxing, not even knowing too much about it. I was at a big university, living with a bunch of friends, partying, having fun, life was good n normal, except this oxycontin habit that was starting to creep up on me. I started to get worried, and people warned me, everyone said, youre so young, get this now while you can, it's going to get worse. I was told I needed aftercare, outside help, etc. and I half listened, thinking I could do things my way. Well, everything I was warned about came true, and my addiction progressed and got worse. Oxycontin turned to heroin, i dropped out of college, isolated all my life long friends, stopped caring about anything, and my life became revolved around it. Im 23 now, (I was 19 at the time) and I wish i could end this post happily, but i cant because ive relapsed, but I will say, the time that I did have sober was GOOD. I didn't wake up sick anymore in the mornings, i didnt spend all my money on drugs, i felt content, and happy and okay with myself. Everything I was feeling I knew was real, and not drug induced. When you can go to bed at night truly feeling good about the day, what you did, and who you are, well thats a freedom and a high that is better than any H or OC will give you. I hope that everyone gets teh chance to experience it. Especially you. It won't be easy, especially being young, and being around college parties, and youll definitely need support to get through the physical detox and help dealing wth the mental/emotional/longterm detox, but it's worth it. Get as much support as you can and don't lose sight of the end goal, especially when your mind and body are screaming otherwise. But you have two paths right now, one, going deeper down this road of addiction and losing everything you care about, or, getting help and staying in school, graduating and seeing where life takes you, having endless possibilities. I really hope you can do this because i know all too well that first option and i dont want to see anyone have to go down it if they dont have to. I really related to your post, and just wanted to comment, i am hoping for the best for you, plz keep posting and dont ever give up.

[tommytom14]

Hey. Couple things. First, I'd recommend taking some time off work if you can. For me, day one was really weird. As the day dragged on and the drugs wore off, I became more and more lethargic and ill tempered. Days two and three were bad. Lots of pain, restlessness, anger, etc. On the night of day three, I forced myself to go to my rec league bball game and that physical activity, along with talking and laughing with some friends, helped immensely. I slept pretty well that night and felt good enough to go to work the next day. Second, kudos to you for being mature enough to admit that you have a problem, especially at such a young age. If you make the choice to quit now, you can put this part of your life behind you and skip the part where you lie, cheat, steal, borrow, and beg for that next high. And you will. Believe me. Unless you make that choice, here and now, to get your self healthy, both physically and mentally. Good luck to you. I'm in your corner. We all are. Good luck.  

[tsubhater]

Welcome. I am 15 days off of 2 mg suboxen which was prescribed for my horrific intake of numerous opiates. I totally agree with everyones' responses. What I wouldn't give to be your age again (best time of my life)...The natural energy I had before I hopped on this crazy train, I would kill for now. Be smart. Take the wisdom bestowed. Go to a good doctor, tell the truth, the Real Truth.  I do not recommend suboxen. The wd for me was Hell on earth and continues. Be mindful that everyone is different though. Don't do it alone. I wish you the best and hope that you get the chance to actually live life and feel things. Ain't nuttin better. :)

[weaver71]

With your age and health, my guess is a week would get you through the acute physical detox, probably some minor things to wait out. The issue I see here is that you had a mood and drugs were the only answer you could think of, that is a big issue. I personally suggest you get to an addiction therapist, preferably one who uses CBT(Cognative Behavioral Therapy) The detox is the easy part, especially for a young active gal like you, it will be the mental withdrawal and emotional detox that takes more time. Good news is, you can work on new coping skills while at work. I built up an estate on opiates, over about 10 years, then I lost all of it when I detoxed. The money or education are useless to an active addict, they are simply tools to enable one to use more and longer. In the end, none of what you have worked for will matter.

As for subs, even with a doctor and program, I do not believe your situation warrants their use. Subs are stronger than H, definitely stronger than the other drugs you mentioned. Form a plan, detox, and get some help with learning to deal with life, that should work good for you. Just my opinion. Keep us posted.

[VICourageous]

Hi..The fear of w/ds is what keeps many using and using over & over. Do Not Fear. The detox will be over soon..The mental part is a challenge, But the hardest part is working on straying clean. Support, Time & Patience is the Key. This is a WE thing not a ME, MYSELF & I.
I just want to tell you that there are many Factors here on the Time limit.
How many years using, how many mgs a day, age, health, what you do as far as diet and vit/min to replenish what we lost during are using. I also have found out the more you keep busy and/or do some kind of exercising (no matter what) this helps balance out those Chems & such in the Brain.
The Disease of Addiction is a Brain Disease..SO it take TIME & LOTS of WORK to change things and heal. The physically is over sooner then the mental. I wish you the best..Just try to take it min by min or day by day and try to redirect yourself from thinking to much about it..
Ride the waves on that surf board..You will be walking in the sand soon.
Bless

[RecklessAtTiffanys]

I'm not giving up just yet :) see my previous post above yours! just taking it one dat at a time

[gnarly_1]

Hi  I hope you did not give up on us   we know all to well the pitfalls of your situation the path your on only leads to institutions jails and death not to mention one felony can ruin the rest of your life and make getting a job almost impossible if you get caught with one pill that is not prescribed you will go down did you know pill addiction is the leading cause of preventable death??? this is no game you can do something about this it is up to you rather then be scard of the withdrawal be scared of what your life will become if you dont get clean sooner or later the money will run out and you will still have a huge habit with no way to support it  if your like us 1 is to many and 1000 is never enough please come back on and post  let us know your fears so we can help most of us have been where your at  I abused most of  my life and am grateful to be alive we are trying to help you b/4 it is to late and you find you have wasted you life please  think about what your doing........Gnarly

[RecklessAtTiffanys]

Thank you, thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. So I guess everyone votes that without a physicians help, cold turkey is the best way. I was considering taking a week off of work to DT, do you think that would be a good time frame? I've only WD one time and it was sometime last year when I was doing H a lot (I rarely do it now) and it was very minor, a couple days of being sick, but it definitely wasn't pleasant  and I was at work while I was feeling this way.. I just don't think I could do it again. Also, has anyone ever experienced horrible mood swings while trying to DT? I'm not exactly quitting right now, but its 12:34 pm here right now and I hadn't taken anything all day... I just completely lost my **** on something that I KNOW isn't a big deal... I just didn't CARE. I knew I had one roxy left and the only way I would calm down was to snort it. so I did :( I know I sound like such a brat, I feel so bad for my roommates, boyfriend, and friends for having to deal with this. But all of your responses made me hopeful! Even a little emotional. I've told my boyfriend about this website and how I think I need to DT. He will take the occasional LT or whatever he has if he's had a bad day.. I hope he will be able to quit too because if they're in the house... I'll find them :/ So my question is: How long has everyone experiened the physical parts of WD? That's my biggest fear right now

[for2]

I too am new to this site and if I didnt find judgment no one will!! I went cold turkey 6 days ago w/d ***** but every day has been just a little better. I thought I was totally successful at being a functioning addict but now I see we are all much better people with no drugs! Sounds to me like you are a motivated person so put on your I can do this pants and do it!! Be strong even when it *****! And when it ***** most get on here and say how much it ***** the help here is awesome! You got this!!!

[tommytom14]

Wonderfully said yesidid.

[Yesidid]

I actually am Happy to see someone so young reaching out.  A few thousand dollars and a year of regret is a beautiful thing.  You have guardian angel and she led you here. Use your guardian angel, your new friends here, your own wisdom and experience to make this change Now. "One more day" is our biggest enemy. The first step in getting out of a hole is to stop digging. You will find many decades of regret and hundreds of thousands of wasted dollars here on this website. Please use those losses, combined with your own to find the courage to avoid "one more day" at all costs. At 21, with a good job, and a college degree on the way, you have both everything to gain and everything to lose today!

[Ldytaz]

I'm glad u found your way here.. So young.. When I was your age I had 2 kids,house,2 cars,a truck and a Harley.. My doc(speed) helped me loose it all.. I thought every time I started I could handle it. First one night a week,then weekends only.. Before I knew it I was tweaking 24/7 again.. I remember at 14 my first yr using, I ran away from home ad stayed with a heroine addict. They would leave bags around and when I cleaned house would snort them. That was only for a month and I never tried it again. On this site there is tons of help for u. Stay close and we will be here. Seek aftercare... Take your life back now while u can... Good luck

[takingmylifeback2014]

Hi and welcome! You are so young .. I wish I realized I had a problem when I was 21 ... That is when my problem started though and now I am 31 and 100 days clean today - I could not do a Taper but that is me. I do not have the Willpower to not take more .... If I were you I would do C/T - depending on how much you take daily the detox should be like having the flu. It can last for a few weeks. Aftercare is very important and patience. Keep posting here we will help you through this. There are many things you can do and take to make withdrawals more tolerable.

Make the right decision while you are young you will probably bounce back to your old self in no time because of your age.

[tommytom14]

Hang in there kiddo. I've done pretty much everything opiates have to offer, besides H. I started around the age you are now. I'm 32 now. Still struggling with this addiction. Get out now. Save what money you have left. This isn't a game. It will destroy you if you let it. Good luck.

[jugglin]

Huge Audrey fan here as well.:)  First and foremost, we are glad that you found your way to MH.  I remember all too well the fear of coming onto this site and my first post on this forum.  You will find all sorts of supportive folks here from every walk of life.  Addiction know no prejudice.  I think you have come to realize that you are addicted...you are an addict. Your life will go nowhere good if you do not realize how serious this is.  Sweet girl, you are sooo young and have an amazing life ahead of you.
Tapering is a process that I could not follow as if I had pills...I took them. I tried so hard to taper, but always failed. Subs, as others pointed out, should only be taken under a Dr's care and a program in place.  So, for me it was cold turkey.  You will survive the withdraws, I promise.  They $uck, but you will get thru them.  The Thomas Recipe at the bottom of the page will give you a list of items to have on hand to help with the WD's.  However, it is the mental part that kicks in.  I you want to STAY clean, you will have to work at it.  Find a program.  
With all of that said, if you decide that you are ready, we will ALL be here to support and encourage you.  There is no judgment here.  We all understand and have been there...at that crossroads. Wishing you the very best!

[lulu747]

I like your moniker a lot.  I'm a huge Audrey fan and who doesn't like Tiffany's?  I'm a little freaked out by your post though because it seems to be your fear of the money you are spending that makes you think you should quit rather than the fear for the loss of your life.  Trust me honey, money comes and goes but once you lose your life...And with addiction it breaks off in pieces...You lose parts of yourself each time you get high.  If you are lucky and you say "ENOUGH I MUST GET CLEAN" and you get help and support, then the good news is you can get these pieces back and then some.  If you keep going you are at risk of losing everything that ever mattered to you and often, your life.  That is the cold hard truth.  You have a lot of great 'things' by the sound of your post but you are numbing out something by using these hard core opiates.  This is what we do.  Maybe it's some grief.  You mentioned you lost your father at 13.  Honey, you are so young and have a real opportunity to live a great and full life.  But you gotta really want to fight for your life here.
You are worth it.  You deserve real happiness.  Real self worth.  Real health.  Please please consider this.  All of us on this forum have been down similar roads.  A lot of us more than once.  We will be more than happy to help you in any way we can and give you unconditional support.  You will find many friends and perhaps a guardian angel or two (:
But first you gotta want to save yourself.
Sending Support...
Lu

[VICourageous]

Hi & Welcome..You have come to a Great Site with LOTS of caring & sharing Souls out here.
These Kind of Substance can take us at any time. I too thought I did better on them and I had a great career, own my home and cars, trucks ect.,(as many of us do), BUT I was going to DIE if I did not STOP! I have used off & on most of my Life and could walk away until I got my First taste of opiates. (I am not proud of that but now I know I have this Disease).
As far as the Subs go, they are not a magic med to just cure you or stop you from w/ds..These meds should Only be used under a DR maintenance care.
We have LOTS of people who can help you more with the Subs..I was given that choice when I came c/t off my Methadone that was prescribed with 2 other meds but I did not go down that route.
The good news is that if you stick around we can help by giving you some tips of what we used to help ease the w/ds up just a bit..As far as the Detox goes, it will be over in no time, it is staying clean that takes the Cake. You have to have Patience and give your Body/Brain the TIME it needs to balance out. Then you will have to get Support in any way that you can. We can not do this alone!! I wish you the BEST and just keep checking your post..We have all kinds of ppl from just starting out to having Many Years in.
Start by Drinking Lots of Fluids (h20) and then we will take it from there.
Bless

[gnarly_1]

Hi and welcome to the forum.....man o man I hate to see anyone is so deep but it especially is painful to see someone so young....I dont think you realize just how deep your in but you are taking some powerful narcotics this stuff can wipe out your kidneys and your liver this is a progressive disease that will only get worst with time you really need to regroup here the bigest problem I see is your in denile about your drug addiction... it may be hard for you to detox...the desire to get clean must excide the desire to get high...just know your playing russhin rollett with your life there is some really strong heroin out there coming from the clombians there trying to put the others out of bissness but many a hardened user is O/Ding and dyeing please try not to make light of this you have a serious habit that is going to be hard to break  we will help you all we can every one is worth a second chance now you can do this one of 2 ways you can taper it helps to have someone give you the dope so you only take so much tapering is hard to do I tapered for 8 1/2 moths to get off a 150mg methadone addiction I hope to say I will never do that again but in all seriousness your to young to be carrying around this habit if you just stop it is harsher but it takes less time to detox the detox is the ez part it is living on lifes terms without the drugs thats hard  as for starters start going to N/A meetings it is a great place to start you only have to have the desire to quit this is the single thing that can help save your life keep posting for support if you really want to do this we can help there is no get out of jail free card you have to go threw the withdrawal your  young you will do fine I say this alot but  ''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' this to shale pass...good luck and God bless...........................Gnarly..................................