Help me to stop! I'm taking 18-20 Norco's (10/325)/day!

[lost_and_hiding]

I need help and I am so scared.  I have tried quitting but I just can't seem to get through the withdrawals.  I don't understand how to taper off and I was hoping that someone could help me do it with a very specific schedule of how many I should take each day in order to not feel the withdrawals and also to get off of this evil stuff!  I am at a point right now where I cannot go 3 hours without taking between 4-7 pills at a time.  I have been taking some form of codeine based pills for over 13 years but this past year has been the worst.  I know that I am slowly killing myself and my liver.  I am so terrified of an overdose but right now, if I don't take my medication, I am so sick.  My withdrawals are terrible.  The nausea, headaches etc...I can't take it.  I know I need to quit.  I want to quit but I can't do it cold turkey.  I have the available medication to do it slowly but I need to start and I don't know how.  We are looking to start having a baby and I don't want to get pregnant while I am still addicted to these pills.  If anyone can help me by writing me down some sort of taper list that I could print out and go by each day, I promise I will do it!  I cannot keep swallowing 20 pills a day.  My husband has no idea of the extent of my addiction and if there is anyway I can do this alone, I will.  I cannot afford rehab because I do not want our insurance finding out about this so, I need to do this on my own and hopefully with the help of some kind souls here.

Thank you so much for listening and wanting to help me when I am sure you all would like help yourself.

Julie

[MJoe]

Hi Just testing

[tryingmybst]

Take this for what it's worth.  I am going cold turkey now and feeling like ****.  I never found that I was ever to get off vic by weaning.  I also am going it alone-my wife has no idea how addicted I became over the years (I started with pain meds for a herniated disk).  From what I have read, weaning has limited utility as the blood levels of morphine are not a linear function of your dose, but more exponential so that when you are on a small dose, stopping it than has almost the same withdrawal symptoms as stopping from a much higher dose.  Again take it for what it's worth and I do understand the challenges of doing this by yourself.  I would be happy to lend any support.

[CATUF]

I've been exactly where you are now (well, except for worrying about getting pregnant) and I've lived with that "I must do this on my own" feeling.  That is pretty much where I lived for for about 4 years.  That period started when I finally I realized that after 4 to 5 years of using, that I was in serious trouble.  That period ended when I went into long-term, in-patient rehab.  

It has been my experience that trying to fix my addiction my way, by myself, in secret, is worse than a waste of time.  It would just be a waste of time if I made no progress and the addiction stayed the same.  But it never did -- it always got worse.

You are right when you say you are killing yourself.  However, it doesn't sound to me like it's slowly anymore.  You sound like you're on the fast track now.  While that is a dangerous place to be, it's not all bad.  The beating I took there was pretty much exactly what was required in order to break me down enough to accept the changes necessary for me to get into Recovery.  

The simple fact of the matter was that addiction was killing me.  It almost succeeded and it would have if I had been allowed to keep calling the shots.  No matter how bad it got, I was determined to go it alone, keep it a secret and fix it myself.  Fortunately, my cat got out of its bag and I was forced into treatment.

What difference does it make if the insurance company finds out?  If you don't get past the active addiction, you're going to end up dead anyway.  Besides, in-patient addiction treatment is covered under health insurance policies because it is a bona fide medical condition that warrants in-patient treatment.  If insurance companies had any basis to exclude rehab as "not medically necessary," they would do it.  

Go get help Julie.  It's the best way and you sound like you're about ready for it.

CATUF
Day-952

[Peace4me]

I am not really in any better shape than you are right now to give advice, but I have been fighting my insurance company for four days trying to get help. The insurance reps quote me my benefits but all the detox places tell me no insurance company will pay for opiate withdrawal.  They don't think it is dangerous enough.  I was told yesterday after being taken to the hospital desperately seeking help that the opiates have damaged the pleasure center in the brain, so we can't feel any happiness without the pills. I have been on methadone, mscontin, lortab 10, xanax, klonopin, and dilaudid for four years.  The counselor I spoke to yesterday asked me how long I could live without one happy thought.  I didn't want to take suboxone because I don't want to go through the hell of withdrawals ever again.  When I realized the hospital was going to let me walk out of the emergency room after arriving by ambulance, with my bag of pills, I was desperate.  I did a search for suboxone doctors in my area. I walked from the emergency room to the doctor's office after calling.  He is a family practitioner so I don't think the stigma is as bad as going to rehab.  I was very honest with him about everything.  I took the suboxone and two hours later I felt better than I have in four years! Your insurance is helping pay for the pain meds so they should cover the suboxone. My copay was $12.00 for a week supply.  I feel like the doctor that gave me suboxone saved my life.  I don't know how long you have been married, or how much you trust your husband. I understand not wanting to tell him, but you can't do this alone.  My husband is my rock, he was angry and hurt, but if you think he doesn't see your behavior patterns as an addict of years, you are mistaken.  If you love him and trust him enough to have a child with him, tell him you need help.  I have been with my husband for 15 years, and we dated for 5 years before that.  You can wean off the pills slowly, but I wouldn't recommend doing it alone. The doctor I saw yesterday explained that the suboxone blocks the pain as well as the withdrawals.  I didn't believe but he was right.  I have been so miserable trying to detox at home that I was ready to end my life yesterday if I didn't get help.  

I know I talked about my experience alot. Sorry about that.  I just know it helps me to know I'm not alone in this struggle.  I weaned myself down from 90 mg of methadone, 48 mg of dilaudid, plus hydrocone 10's over the last six months.  I was down to 20 mg of methadone, and 8 mg of dilaudid a day as of Jan 2nd.  This final stretch has been the hardest.  If there is a way to private chat I would be happy to tell you how I did it, but I think you will need help at the end.  I was in my second year of nursing school when i had my car accident four years ago.  So I am not a doctor, but I have gone through it and understand what your going through.

Last but not least, pray to whatever deity you believe in.  Without faith in His healing powers I would not have survived on my journey.  I am searching for peace and I know as an addict all I will ever have is chaos.  Your in my prayers. You can make it through this.

[bmc1976]

Try cutting down 1 pill a day for 3 to 4 days. If you are taking 10 a day, drop to 9 for 3 or 4 days. Once you get down to 4 a day cut your dose down by a half a pill. So go from 4 to 3/12, 3, 2 1/2, 2, 1 1/2, 1, 1/2. I was able to taper once and had little to no withdrawals. It is very difficult to taper. It takes a lot of will power. You can do this if you set your mind to it. If you need anything, let us know! Best of luck.
Brian

[SisterMooo]

is there a Detox center around you?

My son went into Detox, then into a Rehab program, It was a lot easier than doing it by himself, and it was done under medical attention so there were no complications.  

I would look into something like this...