Keep trying and you will get there. Ive just finished day one and only beginning to feel wd symptoms but I'm determined I'm going to stick to it this time as my life is ruined the way i'm going. Don't feel great tonight but i've nothing in the house and that in itself makes me feel good mentally as I really want to do it this time. Come on you can do it too.
Hi & WElcome,
First step...breathe. So you lost precious things in your life and it is getting worse. It seems you have very little left..like your job for one but that will go too if you continue to use. My drug of choice is Heroin and I used it IV for more years then I can count. It came to the point for me that I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and I finally gave up..surrendered, got humble and asked for help. I did jail time and 3 treatments centers. It was time to do something or die. That is where you are at right now lady and if you don't ask for help you may be a statistic. Coming here was a big step now you have to take the next one. Are you REALLY ready for this? Are you ready to get clean?
Hi, Ashleigh. You know what's weird? You signed your post "AA"...a strong sign I think!
You always cave around now you've said. You've tried and tried but ended up going back. Same w/ so so many (if not all) of us. That means you have to do something different. I didn't want to believe I needed aftercare, but I do. So far, it's the only thing keeping me SANE and clean (I have been clean and insane!) I go to meetings every day. Gonna pick up my 60 day chip. Since my active addiction, this is the longest consistently clean I have been. So aftercare is a must, sweetie.
A great first step by posting here, and spilling your "secret." Everyone thinks their situation is so unique and horrible...it's the same as everyone elses! Take comfort in that. You are in very very good company.
Keep posting. And just get thru today. That's all you need to do right now.
Lazyann, thank you so much for replying. I honestly didn't think anyone would reply. I can't even begin to tell you how good it is to finally be able to talk to someone, anyone and not keep it all to myself. I feel the same way as you it's now or never I need to get my life together before it's completely ruined. I have horrible withdrawals shaky... hot and cold flashes like crazy... goosebumps.. very moody.. achy.. headache... brain fog... runny/stuffy nose at the same time.. sweating .. everything hurts.. RLS... my mind is racing ...I can't sit I'm so uncomfortable so I've been pacing my house... I'm so exhausted everything is exhausting... And horrible insomnia I'm lucky If I get a hour or 2 a night and that's a good night .. I'm so I'm hoping we both make it through to the other side.
IBK ... I'm trying to breathe lol it's very overwhelming. Yes I'm ready to quit. If I wasn't ready I wouldn't of bothered wasting time making a post. I'm ready to have my life back and be a happy person again
Jifmoc it might be a strong sign but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm starting slow and this post was a huge milestone for me. Eventually I will worry about aftercare but for the moment I'm working on making it through these next 7hrs and 55mins to make it to day 7. Even though I told my dealer I was done he just called and I ignored it .. I think I'm finally gonna do it this time :)
Oh no please dont quit. Keep going. Go out tomorrow as i did today and buy very strong multivitamins, immodium, and antihistimins with a drowzy effect. Ive been told all these will help and eat bananas for their potassium effect. these will help with restless legs. Keep thinking what is at the end of the tunnel. If you quit so might I because I'm behind you by about 5 days and I dont want to quit - not this time. I've tried this before and it never worked but i'm hopeing with the help of this forum I'll stick it this time. Keep me posted and keep going.
It sounds like you are ready...I agree that for right now you just need to take a day at a time. Come here as often as you feel you need to chat....no matter the time. This forum helped me and has kept me sane throughout my CT...being able to talk to others, read people's stories, share mine and, eventually, start to try to help others...kept me from taking a pill.
The biggest problem you face right now is getting rid of all the people who will tempt you to use. The dealers will surely work on you the most...but you need to keep in mind..they do NOT care about you..they only care about your money. Here, in this forum, we do not care about your money we care about you and your well-being.
Get through today...tomorrow will be another day to work through...and yes, you will need to think about aftercare...you will need all the support you can get especially while trying to get rid of those who don't have your best interests in mind.
For most people Day 3 seems to be the hump day....Day 6 is your hump day....read a book, watch lots of movies, take good hot baths, do anything and everything you can to keep your mind occupied. Your brain is going to be your worst enemy right now...going to do everything it can to convince you that you HAVE to have that drug...but you don't. I used for over 10 years...and I can honestly say I was scared to death to quit...but I just had to keep telling myself...I don't need the drug...I am NOT in that much pain and my brain is f'ed up right now so I'm not going to listen to that inner voice until I can trust it again!
Take care of yourself...and keep talking...let us know how you are doing okay?
I just wanted to remind you...be sure to hydrate a lot, try to eat a little something..banana's would be perfect. Take the hot baths (with epsom salts if you have them) to help with the RLS, good Vitamin B complex, melatonin or benadryl to help with sleep. If you have a doctor you can call...ask for Clonidine...it helps with w/d symptoms and cravings. There is a recipe on here also called Thomas' Recipe. I'm not sure where it is at.....can someone help out Ashleigh with that?
The recipe will give you other suggestions. I think if you can tone down the withdrawal symptoms you will do a whole lot better. I know I did.
U r so young and have so much life in front of you. And that life will b much more fulfilling when it's not owned by drugs. Lots of support n encouragement coming your way from lots of great people who have been thru what u r going thru right now. They did it, I did it, and so can u. It's a challenge, to say the least, but u r stronger than u know.
Yes, aftercare is critical. But IMO...they call it aftercare cause it's there for AFTER u get thru detox n start feeling human again. Stay the course n get thru. Then u can find what aftercare works best for you. U can do this Ashleigh. You ARE doing this! Great job. Keep posting.
Hi there & Welcome, AA :)
Thanks so much for your honesty & on reaching out!
I too was an IV heroin addict for many, many years. I know where you're @ right now. It sent shivers down my spine just reading your post. I feel your desperation, 'lostness' & lack of clarity on your situation. Your higher nature -- the part of you crying -- no make that screaming -- out for self-control & self-preservation is what brought you here & I congratulate you on that!
There IS a way out of your chronic misery. You're young, you've only been using for 4 yrs. but the way you describe your use tells me that it's especially important for you to do everything in your power to put the brakes on this, NOW. We're never guaranteed another go round. I lost so many, many friends @ your age (& almost died a couple of times myself) that it started to make me feel unreal & wonder why I was still alive.
Of special concern to me was your mention of shooting 'done & Oxys. Any drug that is meant to be used orally is made to go into the churning acid environment of your stomach which will filter out most of the things that would otherwise harm us. Not so when you IV these same medications. Shooting these drugs can lead to all kinds of serious problems, permanent nerve & vascular damage, gangrene (I've seen it), pneumonia, blockages, cellulitis, liver damage, pneumonia, endocarditis & death to name just a few.
You say that your family & friends have no idea. Well, I'm not so sure & I'm offering the following in the most caring & honest way I can:
In the beginning I used to believe that too but soon realized that people were a lot hipper than I was giving them credit for & that moreover, my As$ was showing. (Meaning, I couldn't see myself clearly & it was patently obvious to many what was going on). People see when your behavior changes, when your moods go up & down, when you lose interest in people, things & activities that you used to care about, when you're broke all the time, when you continuously wear long sleeves, when you've lost weight, when you have to leave places or can't show @ places 'cause you've got to get a fix, when you nod out, when your eyes are pinned or you scratch, when your to ill to function, when you spend too long in the bathroom & come out changed, when you lie or evade....the list goes on. My point is, is that this might not be as big a secret as you currently believe to those close to you. Four years is quite a while. :)
The reason that I'm mentioning this is because as long as you're unwilling to do certain things (& I know it's really scary & that the fear, shame & guilt are huge!) to face this thing head on & put together a smart plan for detox & beyond, It won't work. Why? Because the problem isn't physical. As addicts, out real challenge lies after we kick -- in sitting in our skins -- facing restlessness, grief, boredom & anger or whatever -- without reaching for something to change our chemistries. Think about it, if this weren't the case, then no one would relapse. You will not be able to do this on your own, my friend. Coming here is a GREAT first step but it's key that you block all your sources & come out to a non-judgmental family member, friend, Dr. whatever. It's a huge relief & it levels the playing field for us a bit as when we keep our 'secret', we only have to answer to ourselves & we invariably fall. Our habit controls us. We have to change our very way of thinking, seeing & acting. Doing this the way you've been doing it has never worked before, right? So, why should it work this time? There's a famous quote:
'Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.'
That's why you always cave on day 6. (Mine was Day 3;). So, the question is what is it that you're willing to change..to do differently this time?
I know that you want encouragement & I want very badly to give it to you but I can't without telling you what it will Truly take for this to work for you, my friend. :)
Hokay: (Here's the encouragement part ;):
You CAN do this! You're stronger than you know & can beat this thing but it's going to take some real soul-searching & changes in how you're approaching this. You're NOT alone in this. We all (every single last one of us) had to come to this place in order to get & remain clean.
I want you to know that this is YOUR place. Use it for all it's worth! Don't cave today! You're almost over the hump. Stay with us & HOLD FAST! You're worth it. Start believing this. Please, keep posting, vent, ask questions, read, read, read on forum, check out journals & journal if you like. This is a place of miracles. I know I couldn't have gotten this far w/o the love & support of this community. There are plenty of folks here who'll be honored to share their experiences & support you through this & beyond. (I'm one of 'em) Let us know what you're thinking & feeling.
We're here & we're pulling for you!! :)
Don't give in!!!Don't give in!!! Don't give in!!! We got your back :-) :-) :-) :-)