Okay, so I was taking 80-120 mgs of oxycodone (Percocet) every day for the last year at least, may a year and a half. Five or six months ago, I discovered that i enjoyed mixing my already ridiculous opiate addiction with Xanax. Averaging 2-2.5 mgs like 3 or 4 times a week (on average, but I;m sure that at some point in there I took Xanax seven days in row). I I weaned off of the oxycodone in four days. I went seven days with no drugs. Then on a Monday (Im not working right now) and I hate being alone, I got a Xanax. Now, for the last three weeks that I haven't taken any opiates, I've been using Xanax about five days a week averaging 2mg. I'm so frustrated with myself. I dont feel as addicted to Xanax as I was with the opiates. Its like I'm just addicted to whatever pill I can get my hands on now. Xanax was never like an everyday thing, it wasn't like I made sure I had Xanax.
Now that I've kicked the opiates.....bam. So stupid of me to think that just because I didn't "need" it everyday the way I did with the opiates that I wasn't addicted to it.
Okay. Here is the biggest problem. The reason my opiate addiction got so out of control was because I started getting nearly unlimited access to them. My downstairs neighbor in my building is a lifelong friend of my BFs mom. She has leg problems and she takes oxycontin so she didn't need the oxycodone on top of it. She would basically just give it to me. The Xanax too, but she took that too herself, but she had leftovers she would give me. I asked her not to give me either one, haven't asked for the oxycodone, but when I ask for Xanax she gives it to me. And its like I can't stop myself from asking her for the Xanax. I deleted her number but she calls me constantly since she's been supplying me with oxycodone for like almost two years, and she's a family friend, I help her out by driving her places (she's disabled). So her number is deleted in my phone, but she calls me constantly and there it is again. It's extremely frustrating. Its so hard to stay away from the Xanax now since it lives right below me and when I want it I can have it in two mins. It's terrible. We don't have the funds to move right now, so that's out. But I wish I could.
I'm not sure why I'm even writing this. I need help. I'm gonna taper off a little bit since I wasn't taking it too consistently for too long. Tapering is very, very difficult for me for the reason above. When I have it, I have to take it, even if I don't feel like I need it. I feel like this is very very very mental and the opiates were much more physical in withdrawal (obviously there's a huge mental element too, but so much worse with Xanax.
I guess I just want some advice. Some coping skills for the withdrawal. Whatever anyone thinks might help. This *****.