Help with family member....

[ickandike]

...I wasn't sure if there was a separate forum for family support or not.  If so, I'd MUCH appreciate a link! :)  I'm dealing with my mother-in-law.  She's paranoid schizophrenic and abusing pain pills and meth.  We just got her out of the hospital due to a blood clot in her lung.  The clot is still there but they figured she was well enough to be released and has been given a medication to break up the clot.  Unfortunately, she's always stuck on the pleasure principle and never sees beyond the "now" or what consequences may come.   The doctor even told her that doing meth with this medicine will lead her to a life of "having people to wipe your *** for the rest of your life"  (his actual words) or she can go off it, keep doing meth and be dead within the week, month..or basically at any moment.

Not even 24 hours out of the hospital, her "dealer" showed up at her door (she claims that she "just showed up", but this has happened before).  Luckily her home physical therapist was there so she couldn't/wouldn't answer the door.  I did go over and I found a straw with white stuff on the rim of both sides of it, but quickly threw it away while she wasn't in the room.  She's on state aid and they won't cover in-patient rehab and will only cover out patient, 3 days a week for one month.  She's acting like this is just something she has to "get through" and that's all.

Right now I'm just trying to do research to see how we, as a family, need to deal with this.  I've read to separate ourselves from her because we could be enabling her habit without even knowing it.  We have all agreed that when she needs something we DO NOT give her money...we go out and buy it, take all tags off, break all seals, etc...so she can't take the items back and get refunds.  Again, she's on state aid and, really, they don't give her enough to get by by any means.  We know she needs that little extra for food and necessities.  We have put a cap on how much we will help her though.

I just feel like I"m the only one that's taking this as seriously as it needs to be approached.  I'm the "outsider" in the sense that I'm an in-law.  I can look and deal with her without seeing her as a daughter, sister, or mother.  She knows it too and will totally bypass asking me for anything because I'm not afraid to say "no", but she knows that everyone, if she whines and throws a tantrum, will bow down to her wishes.  Her mother is the biggest enabler of them all so we have come to the conclusion that we are going to start taking over her finances as well just so my mother-in-law can't call her mother up and pester her until she gives in.

Anyway...I've gone on and on and on and on.  I guess I'm just looking for any good solid advice that I an share with the rest of the family.  As much as she drives me crazy she is still my partner's mother and I love her and worry about her because it directly effects him.

Any help would be appreciated!!!  I don't want to be burying her within the next month.

[bama88]

I'm sorry to hear this trauma your dealing with. I can feel your frustration anger hurt and stress. Yes pat is correct. There is a forum just for living with an addict. However I also encourage you to stay in this forum too. That way you can see how much we struggle with being an addict. And the other forum will help you with learning to live with an addict.

Addiction is a ugly horrible disease as you can see.....and it is very hard to handle...ie being an addict or watching an addict.

You've came to the right place for support. Medhelp has wonderful people. Were all a family.

I wish you the best in this tough situation.

[Pat1956100]

You are so welcome.  My heart goes out to you.

[ickandike]

Thanks so much for pointing me in that direction, Pat!

[Pat1956100]

Hi there
I just wanted to let you know that there is another forum for family members.
It is Addiction: Living with an addict.
You might find some interesting reading there.  
Your mil is very lucky to have you in the family.
Good luck.

[ickandike]

I agree.  I seem to be the only one that is taking a proactive approach to her "healing".  The rest of her family has been dealing with her...crap...for years and, I believe, they're just sick of it.  I plan on contacting her state mental health psychiatrist and looking into getting her committed.  She's started smoking against the doctor's orders (which just "feeds" the clot) and has already started the manipulation of everyone.  I see this as an inability to take care of herself and do possible damage, if not death.  To me that seems like reason enough to contact her psychiatrist and suggest getting her into a facility that can monitor her and take care of her more than we have the ability to.

[CWKavinRAS]

You have a number of issues with her and any treatment you offer her should be in a dual diagnosed medical facility. Her poor physical and  mental health combined with the addiction has to be monitored by numerous and different doctors for probably a long time. Much more than you can probably handle at home.