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Help with stopping pain pills
I am 50 years old and have been taking pain medication for 5 years. It has taken a huge toll on my life, I have made every bad decisions and have lived in a bubble of fantasy land, reality left the first pill I took. I have a family and was the main source for income up until 3 months ago when my wife got a job. We have a 10 year old Son. I had a career at a large company, I was there 14 years and climb the corporate ladder to a national director making well into the 6 figures, I lost the job because of attendance and attitude which is a total shock. The shock is I was always a very dependable employees, never missing work, working long hours, working at home and doing whatever was asked of me. During the the first two years of taking the medication my confidence increased greatly and I opened a consulting business and worked both jobs making over 20k per month. Somehow I have lost everything, the savings is gone, the job is gone and I'm living day by day knowing I must stop taking the pills or I don;t know what will happen. The pills created a false sense of being, I felt for the moment and not the long-term plan, I lost all sense of planning and saving for the future. I bought expensive cars, houses and electronics. I remember going into Bed Bath and Beyond just buying things at random and feeling so good about it. I bought things we already and things we didn't need, this happen many times at many stores, I went through all of our savings in 3 years. Over the last year I have not worked and can't even imagine trying to get up each day and go to work. I do not sleep well, just up and down a lll night. I put off everything until tomorrow which tomorrow never comes, its a circle of hell. I know I must stop and stop now, then I think I have to get everything straightened out before I quit, it just keep s going around and around, its awful - totally awful. One time I ran out of my prescription 8 days before the refill, it was cold turkey and I remember the pain, no sleep, no desire to eat anything or drink anything, my legs were restless at night, I could not go anywhere, I was very depressed and completely put of it. I remember the last day prior to the script being refilled, I recall it being as bad as the seven prior. I have 23 days left of my script at 40 mg oxycotin time release and 30 mg fast acting hydrocondone, I take 3, 40 mg and 2, 30 mg per day. The 40 mg I chew up and swallow. I would like any suggestions on how to get started on eliminating these pills from my life. Anyone reading this who has just started taking these pills and is feeling fantastic believe me there is no good ending and no matter how you feel right now your life will spiral out of control. You may think you got this and it will not happen to me but trust me it will. The just one more day, one more great feeling, one more refill is just the start to realizing you have lost control. This will destroy your entire life, family, friends and everything that you come into contact with. The worst part is it will take you away form you. I was always in the mind set that none or nothing could take me away from me, I was the leader of my destiny and took responsibility for my actions and made the nessassary changes when needed so myself, my family and all who were in contact with me would receive positive and valuable feedback and have a sense of security knowing I was around. This all went great while I was free of these horrible pills. Once I started taking them everything went wrong, I just didn't see it until about year ago. These pills have ripped body and brain apart leaving a sorry shell of a man, a brain that functions abnormally and emotions that are impossible to control. Looking back at all that has happen while on these pills I become extremely depressed and would do all most anything to change the first day I took a pain pill. Everything I have worked for and worked hard for has been messed up by me over the last 5 years. I take full responsibility for what has happen and feel terrible about it. I want to blame it on something out of my control, that is just BS, it was all in my control and I knew what I was doing, I even was warned by Doctors, Healthcare professionals and people in general about the grasp pain pills can take on your life, but I could only think of the feeling they gave me. Any and all suggestions are welcomed. Kind Regards, NuStart50
Now we're talking , you started your reduction.
I hope and pray you can control your taper.
If you start to feel withdrawal you can not take more pills because then
The taper won't be a taper.
Yes the extended release would be best to start with.
It would be a great idea for you to attend support groups, celebrate recovery, na,aa, church, counseling.
Getting as much support as possible is critical for recovery.
Start an exercise regiment, keep your mind and body occupied.
stay busy around the house.
You can reclaim your life.
Get your affairs in order.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
I hope and pray you can control your taper.
If you start to feel withdrawal you can not take more pills because then
The taper won't be a taper.
Yes the extended release would be best to start with.
It would be a great idea for you to attend support groups, celebrate recovery, na,aa, church, counseling.
Getting as much support as possible is critical for recovery.
Start an exercise regiment, keep your mind and body occupied.
stay busy around the house.
You can reclaim your life.
Get your affairs in order.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the day i start the reduction intake process. The usual is one time release and one fast acting with 20 minutes after waking up. This morning 20 minutes after rising it was one time release, zero fast acting. My plan is to stop taking the time release and fast acting at the same time. I will see how far I get through the day with tie release working enough, I know it will be mental and not physical that pushes to take the fast acting. My hopes are to cut the dosage by 25% today.
Last night I woke up at 3AM, went downstairs made my rounds and back to bed, I thought about my scheduler I used while working two years ago, went and got it our of the file cabinet and looked up the date. That date showed I was set to be up by 4AM, on a plane by 7:15Am and in Chicago late morning. I had two meetings scheduled that day, one at the Chicago office and the other at McCormick Center for pre-trade show blueprints.
These meetings were a walk in the park and fun, all I had to do is be present and make recommendations and make sure all parties were doing what was needed to be done then conduct the normal PR and attend the dinners, thats it. Wow, do I miss that, I was alive and making things happen. I didn't dwell on it, I just thought about it for a while and looked to the future, then went back to bed.
Last night I woke up at 3AM, went downstairs made my rounds and back to bed, I thought about my scheduler I used while working two years ago, went and got it our of the file cabinet and looked up the date. That date showed I was set to be up by 4AM, on a plane by 7:15Am and in Chicago late morning. I had two meetings scheduled that day, one at the Chicago office and the other at McCormick Center for pre-trade show blueprints.
These meetings were a walk in the park and fun, all I had to do is be present and make recommendations and make sure all parties were doing what was needed to be done then conduct the normal PR and attend the dinners, thats it. Wow, do I miss that, I was alive and making things happen. I didn't dwell on it, I just thought about it for a while and looked to the future, then went back to bed.
"I'm working on the start date."
Might I suggest tomorrow as the day you start to stop using? It's easy to find a reason to keep putting it off if you don't go ahead and do it.
Today was mine, the first day I didn't dose at all on Suboxone. I had planned to stop this week anyway and got so busy with family business earlier today I forgot to dose. Now it's almost time to go to bed and I feel fine, so today is as good as any to stop for me.
Might I suggest tomorrow as the day you start to stop using? It's easy to find a reason to keep putting it off if you don't go ahead and do it.
Today was mine, the first day I didn't dose at all on Suboxone. I had planned to stop this week anyway and got so busy with family business earlier today I forgot to dose. Now it's almost time to go to bed and I feel fine, so today is as good as any to stop for me.
Hi again NuStart! Day 9 in 45 minutes! Sounds like you are getting mad at this point,good for you! I finally had to get mad too. I was so mad at those pills and I would get upset that they were controlling me. No lies...I still do not feel great, but I am still embracing. Keep your eyes on the prize, you won't regret it. You can fix all the other stuff later, trust me, I also have a lot to do! Good night and God speed....
This group, forum, team has helped me allot. What I have learned so far:
Its never to late
Most of us have regrets
Look to the future and not at the past
My son's best friend must meet my standards and expectations
The best plan is personal
Mental preparation is critical
There are people who care
Spousal anger and frustration is warranted
Support is needed
Quitting is possible
Numb is dumb
I'm working on the start date.
Kind Regards,
NuStart50
Its never to late
Most of us have regrets
Look to the future and not at the past
My son's best friend must meet my standards and expectations
The best plan is personal
Mental preparation is critical
There are people who care
Spousal anger and frustration is warranted
Support is needed
Quitting is possible
Numb is dumb
I'm working on the start date.
Kind Regards,
NuStart50
I think it's a great idea. I really found that the 40mg oxy's really caused me to feel depressed. Everyone is different but it sounds to me like they are doing the same to you. Give it a try. It can't hurt.
Let us know how you make out.
It's as good a place to start as any. Make sure you are drinking lots of fluids and then let us know if you are having any other symptoms and maybe we can have suggestions to help you though those.
Good luck
Let us know how you make out.
It's as good a place to start as any. Make sure you are drinking lots of fluids and then let us know if you are having any other symptoms and maybe we can have suggestions to help you though those.
Good luck
Hi,
I saw someone post to you in regards to detox or treatment, and I just wanted to mention that I just finished with an in-patient medical detox a day ago, and am on day 9 at home. It was methadone assisted (very low tapered dosages), and I'm assuming I was in less misery as a result. I am on NO methadone now, and though I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever be on it, it was very short-term and served a purpose. I am also a chronic pain sufferer, and totally get how you're feeling.
I live in Canada, and it was covered by our public insurance, but I see that you're in NC... If you could taper down with your doc, and go through the acute phase in detox, you would spare your son witnessing a very difficult process. That's actually why I am suggesting this. You can go to a ton of NA/AA meetings afterwards, and skip the treatment/rehab center if you can't afford it. I do know someone who took out a loan to go, so if you can, talk to your bank. You do NOT need a cushy Betty Ford-style rehab center. Any place that is credible and effective will do the job just as well, if not better.
On-;line support is great, but I think you need to contact your local NA Central Office, as well. If you don't like them, call AA. Same thing, at the end of the day, as far as I'm concerned.
Best of luck, and please pick up that phone. It really is the first real step.
We have somewhat similar stories
I saw someone post to you in regards to detox or treatment, and I just wanted to mention that I just finished with an in-patient medical detox a day ago, and am on day 9 at home. It was methadone assisted (very low tapered dosages), and I'm assuming I was in less misery as a result. I am on NO methadone now, and though I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever be on it, it was very short-term and served a purpose. I am also a chronic pain sufferer, and totally get how you're feeling.
I live in Canada, and it was covered by our public insurance, but I see that you're in NC... If you could taper down with your doc, and go through the acute phase in detox, you would spare your son witnessing a very difficult process. That's actually why I am suggesting this. You can go to a ton of NA/AA meetings afterwards, and skip the treatment/rehab center if you can't afford it. I do know someone who took out a loan to go, so if you can, talk to your bank. You do NOT need a cushy Betty Ford-style rehab center. Any place that is credible and effective will do the job just as well, if not better.
On-;line support is great, but I think you need to contact your local NA Central Office, as well. If you don't like them, call AA. Same thing, at the end of the day, as far as I'm concerned.
Best of luck, and please pick up that phone. It really is the first real step.
We have somewhat similar stories
"Reading the comment on the job loss and debt hurt, but I guess its reality"
I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, I know you feel bad enough already, but that is the reality of it. Taken from your own post.
Whatever you choose to do, go into inpatient rehab, go CT, or try to taper yourself down is your choice. I've tried them all and the only thing I ever had any success with was Suboxone.
You can listen to the stories filled with hyperbole and hysterics about Suboxone being the devils spawn if you want, but it literally gave me a new life. One that's a hell of a lot better than the one I lived all those years, and for the first time in my life things are going my way.
You sound to me like you've hit bottom, and if that's not your bottom it's going to be pretty bleak when you hit it. You still have a chance at saving what you've got, but however you go about it, it's not going to happen though inaction on your part and I really do wish you the best of luck.
I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, I know you feel bad enough already, but that is the reality of it. Taken from your own post.
Whatever you choose to do, go into inpatient rehab, go CT, or try to taper yourself down is your choice. I've tried them all and the only thing I ever had any success with was Suboxone.
You can listen to the stories filled with hyperbole and hysterics about Suboxone being the devils spawn if you want, but it literally gave me a new life. One that's a hell of a lot better than the one I lived all those years, and for the first time in my life things are going my way.
You sound to me like you've hit bottom, and if that's not your bottom it's going to be pretty bleak when you hit it. You still have a chance at saving what you've got, but however you go about it, it's not going to happen though inaction on your part and I really do wish you the best of luck.
OPiate addiction causes depression period. I really do not think it is because of the time release but if you want to try that before moving on to another plan then by all means do. The shorter acting pills will be quicker for you to withdraw from anyway.
No, it's not working, you are correct. The problem is I am not doing much of anything except talking about doing something.
Reading the comment on the job loss and debt hurt, but I guess its reality and your'er correct the paved road of intentions is only that, intentions. It is time to do something else.
Reading the comment on the job loss and debt hurt, but I guess its reality and your'er correct the paved road of intentions is only that, intentions. It is time to do something else.
Your comment struck a memory within, I think the depression started just after my dose was changed and the time release was added. I had taken the fast acting for two years prior with no depress. I've never had depression my whole life. As I think back I remember saying to myself, I think these time release pills are causing me to feel down.
This brings me to another thought, what if, as a start to quitting I eliminate the time release completely, stating tomorrow? I'm going to try that.
This brings me to another thought, what if, as a start to quitting I eliminate the time release completely, stating tomorrow? I'm going to try that.
Oh one thing I forgot to mention.
I found that the 40mg time release oxy really caused depression. It got so bad with them that I would only take them as a last resort. Coming off of them made me extremely depressed but once I figured out that it was from them, I could handle it better.
They most likely are causing your depression, laziness and nodding off.
Just my 2 cents again.
I found that the 40mg time release oxy really caused depression. It got so bad with them that I would only take them as a last resort. Coming off of them made me extremely depressed but once I figured out that it was from them, I could handle it better.
They most likely are causing your depression, laziness and nodding off.
Just my 2 cents again.
"I don't want to take any type of medication to help get off the pain medication, I have read many stories about alternative medications that seem to have the same addictive properties as the pain medications. I search for stories of success but can't seem to find many, all I read about is situations that are like mine, worse or better but not many stories of people who have successfully kicked the pills."
What you're doing now to rectify the situation isn't working all that great, now is it?
I'm in my 50's with a long history of drug addiction but have got my life together over the past 2 years due to the fact I went on Suboxone.
Yes, it is addictive, but I'm at the point now where I'm ready to come off it and over the last 3 months have tapered myself down from 8mg a day to 0.25mg a day with not trouble at all. I don't have the pain management issues to deal with you do, but I haven't fallen as far as you either.
If I had lost my job as "a national director making well into the 6 figures", was 20k in the hole in credit card debt, I'd try just about anything if I thought it would get me back on track before I lost everything. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and all your good intentions of stopping are leading you further down that road. Isn't it time to try something else?
If you don't want to take any type of medication to help get off the pain medication and continue on like you have been, that's your decision and I wish you the very best of luck in your struggle.
What you're doing now to rectify the situation isn't working all that great, now is it?
I'm in my 50's with a long history of drug addiction but have got my life together over the past 2 years due to the fact I went on Suboxone.
Yes, it is addictive, but I'm at the point now where I'm ready to come off it and over the last 3 months have tapered myself down from 8mg a day to 0.25mg a day with not trouble at all. I don't have the pain management issues to deal with you do, but I haven't fallen as far as you either.
If I had lost my job as "a national director making well into the 6 figures", was 20k in the hole in credit card debt, I'd try just about anything if I thought it would get me back on track before I lost everything. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and all your good intentions of stopping are leading you further down that road. Isn't it time to try something else?
If you don't want to take any type of medication to help get off the pain medication and continue on like you have been, that's your decision and I wish you the very best of luck in your struggle.
There will never be the "perfect time" to quit. You need to make a plan, stock up on the supplies you need, tell your wife you are going to need her support (I did it alone, so it can be done but it's hard not to have support when there are people around) tell your son you have the flu and just go for it. If you can taper, by all means taper. Start today if you are going to do that.
I just know that you are going to dig deeper into that hole the longer you put this off and I hate to see anyone else do that.
Start looking ahead instead of looking backward. There is a light there for sure. You can't see it in the fog you're in but there is one.
Keep posting. I think you can do this and I think you will be an inspiration to others once you do.
I just know that you are going to dig deeper into that hole the longer you put this off and I hate to see anyone else do that.
Start looking ahead instead of looking backward. There is a light there for sure. You can't see it in the fog you're in but there is one.
Keep posting. I think you can do this and I think you will be an inspiration to others once you do.
Thank you for the straight talk.
I never looked at it like you put it: would I let my son hang out with someone taking as many pain pills as me, the answer would be no way! That is exactly what I am doing and that person is me, not good.
I know I need to quit and quit now. I keep going through ways in my mind, such as I will tapper off, I will quit straight away, I will, I will, I will, but never do. The whole bill thing and selling the house is something that would really hurt my wife and she should be angry at me, I do very little anymore. Really??, that much pain you can't even empty the dish washer? Its BS!
Boy, I know after reading so many posts I'm not the only one who has acted this way, I also see so many people on here counting off the days of being away from the pills. I want to be there as well. I hear them say today was better than yesterday. I need to stop and stop now. This is so ridicules and to think it has been going on so long. It's pissing me off I let it get this bad and yes robbing Peter too pay Paul is at the end of the road.
I plan on coming back on here in the next few days posting I have quit cold turkey. I can't worry about the spring break trip or anything else I just need to quit. Such a drain and waste of space and time I am! Regardless of what happen in the past this is no way to live or deal with it. I always told myself that I am strong and in control of my own destiny, well that has proven to be incorrect or maybe just side tracked for 5 years.
I keep thinking am I that messed up or is it the pills, it has got to be the pills! I worry I will quit and still act the way I'm acting, stupid thought I guess, how could I act this way off the pills unless I was just not right in the head.
So many thoughts dashing through my mind, it's a job just dealing with each one that comes up. O'well, I go for now, pace and walk in and out of the house like I'm actually doing something or going somewhere, I am, in circles.
Kind Regards,
NuStart50
I never looked at it like you put it: would I let my son hang out with someone taking as many pain pills as me, the answer would be no way! That is exactly what I am doing and that person is me, not good.
I know I need to quit and quit now. I keep going through ways in my mind, such as I will tapper off, I will quit straight away, I will, I will, I will, but never do. The whole bill thing and selling the house is something that would really hurt my wife and she should be angry at me, I do very little anymore. Really??, that much pain you can't even empty the dish washer? Its BS!
Boy, I know after reading so many posts I'm not the only one who has acted this way, I also see so many people on here counting off the days of being away from the pills. I want to be there as well. I hear them say today was better than yesterday. I need to stop and stop now. This is so ridicules and to think it has been going on so long. It's pissing me off I let it get this bad and yes robbing Peter too pay Paul is at the end of the road.
I plan on coming back on here in the next few days posting I have quit cold turkey. I can't worry about the spring break trip or anything else I just need to quit. Such a drain and waste of space and time I am! Regardless of what happen in the past this is no way to live or deal with it. I always told myself that I am strong and in control of my own destiny, well that has proven to be incorrect or maybe just side tracked for 5 years.
I keep thinking am I that messed up or is it the pills, it has got to be the pills! I worry I will quit and still act the way I'm acting, stupid thought I guess, how could I act this way off the pills unless I was just not right in the head.
So many thoughts dashing through my mind, it's a job just dealing with each one that comes up. O'well, I go for now, pace and walk in and out of the house like I'm actually doing something or going somewhere, I am, in circles.
Kind Regards,
NuStart50
Hi NuStart
Your story is very similar to many of us. I hope you realize that as bad off as you think you are now, if you continue taking the pills, it's only going to get worse. Pretty soon you won't have any choice but to put your house up for sale. Those bills that are a little behind, will become way behind. You won't be able to rob Peter to pay Paul because Peter will be maxed out.
God how I wish I had stopped before it got to that point but I didn't and I can only deal with where I'm at right now. I thought I was going to be a millionaire at one point in my life. Well not a millionaire but I was doing pretty darn well.
I also think that your son knows there is something wrong with you. Why do you think he keeps asking you? You may think that you are doing a great job but think how much better you would be if you were clean. Would you allow your son to hang out with someone that was taking as many pills as you are? Would you think that they were a positive influence on him? My heart breaks for him because I really think he is worried about you and he loves you so much.
I also don't blame your wife for coming home from work and being angry that you hadn't even emptied the dishwasher. Maybe once you are clean, you will see it too and appreciate her more. Maybe you can get that closeness back.
Ask her if she can give you a month. Tell her you are going to need her support and her help for one month and find her some literature to read about addiction. It is a disease IMO, and if you had diabetes or cancer, I am sure she would support you through it.
I am talking a month if you can go cold turkey. If not, it will take longer but you shouldn't need her help as much either.
Please decide which way you are going to do it and then we can offer more advice. It's hard to give advice to someone who is still using until they have made a plan to quit.
I really hope you decide soon before things get worse for you. I can't emphasize enough that as bad as you think you have it, it will just get worse and you will wish you had quit at this point.
Time for you to worry about you, because you can't help anyone else the shape you're in right now.
Please let us know and you will receive so much support here.
Wishing you nothing but the best.
Your story is very similar to many of us. I hope you realize that as bad off as you think you are now, if you continue taking the pills, it's only going to get worse. Pretty soon you won't have any choice but to put your house up for sale. Those bills that are a little behind, will become way behind. You won't be able to rob Peter to pay Paul because Peter will be maxed out.
God how I wish I had stopped before it got to that point but I didn't and I can only deal with where I'm at right now. I thought I was going to be a millionaire at one point in my life. Well not a millionaire but I was doing pretty darn well.
I also think that your son knows there is something wrong with you. Why do you think he keeps asking you? You may think that you are doing a great job but think how much better you would be if you were clean. Would you allow your son to hang out with someone that was taking as many pills as you are? Would you think that they were a positive influence on him? My heart breaks for him because I really think he is worried about you and he loves you so much.
I also don't blame your wife for coming home from work and being angry that you hadn't even emptied the dishwasher. Maybe once you are clean, you will see it too and appreciate her more. Maybe you can get that closeness back.
Ask her if she can give you a month. Tell her you are going to need her support and her help for one month and find her some literature to read about addiction. It is a disease IMO, and if you had diabetes or cancer, I am sure she would support you through it.
I am talking a month if you can go cold turkey. If not, it will take longer but you shouldn't need her help as much either.
Please decide which way you are going to do it and then we can offer more advice. It's hard to give advice to someone who is still using until they have made a plan to quit.
I really hope you decide soon before things get worse for you. I can't emphasize enough that as bad as you think you have it, it will just get worse and you will wish you had quit at this point.
Time for you to worry about you, because you can't help anyone else the shape you're in right now.
Please let us know and you will receive so much support here.
Wishing you nothing but the best.
I'm laying in bed propped up in several pillows watching NetFlix, my Son sound asleep laying next to me with one hand on my shoulder. He keeps a close eye on me just to make sure I'm always with him. He is has been right by my side ever since I picked him up from school, he also said to me just before the sun had set, Daddy would you like to go for a short walk, talk with each other and watch the sun set?
I agreed and off we went down the street watching the sun drop behind scattered clouds creating wonderful colors of orange blue, yellow and lines of red perching through the lower set of stratus clouds.
We spoke about how beautiful the planet is and how lucky we are to be able to enjoy these times together just walking and talking. He review his week in school with me asking f he handled certain situations correctly and then wanted a full run down on how I was feeling.
He is genuine in every way when it comes to speaking with me. He listens closely and replies with positive, intelligent feedback. It doesn't stop there and in many cases he will think about parts of our conversation and come back to me later that evening or another day with suggestion or reinforcement on topics we discussed. I am very aware of his age and how much he can truly process and deal with so I keep the conversation limited to talk tracks he is able to process and do not promote upset or insecurity in any fashion.
I know I am one of many lucky Parents when it comes to this type of relationships, he is my rock as well as I am his. He has been with me side by side since birth and I can honestly say he is my best friend. I'm smart enough to know the proper balance of being a Father and a friend and make sure the relationship stays on track to serve in his best interest in every possible way.
I have always been age conscious and up front with him and never sugar coated anything he needs to know or understand. I believe I have made him a strong person and have provided him with a solid reality based frame foundation to work with, he undertsands "the not everyone gets a trophy" mindset.
Once we returned home we went to a room in our home I like to refer to as the Tree House, its above the garage somewhat like a bonus room. the prior owner was an interior decorator so you can only imagine how decked out this room is, she thought of everything and its great place to explorer talents such as creating music, making art, entertainment tasks and more important a perfect setting for doing homework. these are just a few of things I have to look forward to once I'm past the devils dues.
The message here is to try and see all the little things your life has to offer and grab a hold of each one during your time of battle. No matter how hard it is to focus and get yourself in proper mindset do the best you can. I want to go back to all of these correspondences someday when I'm in the trenches of dismay scratching my way out at every minute. I see so many people providing different time frames, some as short a three weeks and others as long as three months or more.
From all the intelligent people, first hand experience and excellent knowledge anyone please weigh in how long you think it will take me to function as I once did? All I ask for are those feelings I once had of looking forward to events, trips, occasions and more not worrying if I will get through them as I do now.
Another thought haunts me, I wonder if this medication causes permanent brain damage? I don't think anyone knows the aster as fact but a community reply will give the median value and or answer so to speak. I hope these questions are not off the wall, if so just remember I am too, at least for now.
Tomorrow is Saturday and my Family is expecting normalcy from me, at least my wife's.She gave me a few jabs when she got home such as you couldn't even empty the dishwasher or where is the garbage can and so on. I can tell she is angry with me and wants this to pass as soon possible. She has never been a compassionate person, she is somewhat cold and not very understanding. I'm not beating her up here she has some great qualities such as being down to earth and not matrialistic. her idea of fun is spending time together hiking or rafting, outdoor types of things which is great, just not right now. I could only imagine going rafting in a cold river while going through withdrawals. Where do I sign up for that, NOT!
I really want to go to the park tomorrow and take a big blanket with food, drink, music, bikes and a book. the weather will be just about 70 and sunny, the warn sun alway feels o good. I want to go when I wake up, not be woken up and shadowed until I'm ready to go. I know it probably sounds like I'm asking for allot here but I have given much myself. i remember working two jobs, doing ll of the cooking and shopping for all of my sons clothes. My wife was suffering from depression because of the enviroment, we lived close to my siblings. We even had a cleaning lady which made no sense because she didn't work and we didn't ness up that much, we meaning my Son and I.
Anyway sorry for going on so much but writing this all out sorta gets it off my chest. You are probable thinking what a basket case and you are probably correct, well at least for now.
I hope all of you who have become my friend are having a good night and remember I'm still taking the meds and feel like stool, you are not and probably feeling like stool as well,
the only difference is you are not on the giant wheel of devil dues anymore, you are the road to life.
Stay straight and don't take any exits soon, the beach and sun await you in time to come and belive me it's a great place to end up. When you get there, stay there and only look back when you must.
Once agin remember I'm still on the meds and you are not and we feel just about the same, so is it worth it? No, of course not. Keep pushing, get mad at those pills and go through your Chemo like side effects, it will all be better soon.
I wish I had someone close to me here where I live so I could spend time with them talking face to face, I think that would be great, someone who knows what I am going through and can speak intelligently about it, just a cup of coffee and time together would be great. Im thinking about searching out the local NA group so many have referred to in these posts, I'm guessing NA is Narcotics Anonymous?
Okay for now, stay strong, sleep well and keep pushing.
Kind Regards,
NuStart50
I agreed and off we went down the street watching the sun drop behind scattered clouds creating wonderful colors of orange blue, yellow and lines of red perching through the lower set of stratus clouds.
We spoke about how beautiful the planet is and how lucky we are to be able to enjoy these times together just walking and talking. He review his week in school with me asking f he handled certain situations correctly and then wanted a full run down on how I was feeling.
He is genuine in every way when it comes to speaking with me. He listens closely and replies with positive, intelligent feedback. It doesn't stop there and in many cases he will think about parts of our conversation and come back to me later that evening or another day with suggestion or reinforcement on topics we discussed. I am very aware of his age and how much he can truly process and deal with so I keep the conversation limited to talk tracks he is able to process and do not promote upset or insecurity in any fashion.
I know I am one of many lucky Parents when it comes to this type of relationships, he is my rock as well as I am his. He has been with me side by side since birth and I can honestly say he is my best friend. I'm smart enough to know the proper balance of being a Father and a friend and make sure the relationship stays on track to serve in his best interest in every possible way.
I have always been age conscious and up front with him and never sugar coated anything he needs to know or understand. I believe I have made him a strong person and have provided him with a solid reality based frame foundation to work with, he undertsands "the not everyone gets a trophy" mindset.
Once we returned home we went to a room in our home I like to refer to as the Tree House, its above the garage somewhat like a bonus room. the prior owner was an interior decorator so you can only imagine how decked out this room is, she thought of everything and its great place to explorer talents such as creating music, making art, entertainment tasks and more important a perfect setting for doing homework. these are just a few of things I have to look forward to once I'm past the devils dues.
The message here is to try and see all the little things your life has to offer and grab a hold of each one during your time of battle. No matter how hard it is to focus and get yourself in proper mindset do the best you can. I want to go back to all of these correspondences someday when I'm in the trenches of dismay scratching my way out at every minute. I see so many people providing different time frames, some as short a three weeks and others as long as three months or more.
From all the intelligent people, first hand experience and excellent knowledge anyone please weigh in how long you think it will take me to function as I once did? All I ask for are those feelings I once had of looking forward to events, trips, occasions and more not worrying if I will get through them as I do now.
Another thought haunts me, I wonder if this medication causes permanent brain damage? I don't think anyone knows the aster as fact but a community reply will give the median value and or answer so to speak. I hope these questions are not off the wall, if so just remember I am too, at least for now.
Tomorrow is Saturday and my Family is expecting normalcy from me, at least my wife's.She gave me a few jabs when she got home such as you couldn't even empty the dishwasher or where is the garbage can and so on. I can tell she is angry with me and wants this to pass as soon possible. She has never been a compassionate person, she is somewhat cold and not very understanding. I'm not beating her up here she has some great qualities such as being down to earth and not matrialistic. her idea of fun is spending time together hiking or rafting, outdoor types of things which is great, just not right now. I could only imagine going rafting in a cold river while going through withdrawals. Where do I sign up for that, NOT!
I really want to go to the park tomorrow and take a big blanket with food, drink, music, bikes and a book. the weather will be just about 70 and sunny, the warn sun alway feels o good. I want to go when I wake up, not be woken up and shadowed until I'm ready to go. I know it probably sounds like I'm asking for allot here but I have given much myself. i remember working two jobs, doing ll of the cooking and shopping for all of my sons clothes. My wife was suffering from depression because of the enviroment, we lived close to my siblings. We even had a cleaning lady which made no sense because she didn't work and we didn't ness up that much, we meaning my Son and I.
Anyway sorry for going on so much but writing this all out sorta gets it off my chest. You are probable thinking what a basket case and you are probably correct, well at least for now.
I hope all of you who have become my friend are having a good night and remember I'm still taking the meds and feel like stool, you are not and probably feeling like stool as well,
the only difference is you are not on the giant wheel of devil dues anymore, you are the road to life.
Stay straight and don't take any exits soon, the beach and sun await you in time to come and belive me it's a great place to end up. When you get there, stay there and only look back when you must.
Once agin remember I'm still on the meds and you are not and we feel just about the same, so is it worth it? No, of course not. Keep pushing, get mad at those pills and go through your Chemo like side effects, it will all be better soon.
I wish I had someone close to me here where I live so I could spend time with them talking face to face, I think that would be great, someone who knows what I am going through and can speak intelligently about it, just a cup of coffee and time together would be great. Im thinking about searching out the local NA group so many have referred to in these posts, I'm guessing NA is Narcotics Anonymous?
Okay for now, stay strong, sleep well and keep pushing.
Kind Regards,
NuStart50
I have never shared this personal information with anyone. I've held this in for years and always said to anyone who asked that everything was good. I'm not sure if it feels good to let it all out or not, I think it does?
Given all of this it still does not justify the medication as way out, it just made it worse, worse for me and my immediate family. I have deep disappointment in me when it comes to my siblings and dislike them in huge way. I have got to find a clear path to rebuilding my personal self and rid my being of the medication, my true pain does not warrant the amount of medication I take.
I would really like a redo!
Given all of this it still does not justify the medication as way out, it just made it worse, worse for me and my immediate family. I have deep disappointment in me when it comes to my siblings and dislike them in huge way. I have got to find a clear path to rebuilding my personal self and rid my being of the medication, my true pain does not warrant the amount of medication I take.
I would really like a redo!
The constipation subject is not TMI, it's a fact and just one of the presents we received from our party.
I too suffer from this, one time it went on for 8 days. I tried everything over the counter I could find, finally I remembered back in school when I used to drink alcohol I would have the morning after bathroom trips. So, I drank 6 oz of Scotch that has been sitting in our liquor cabinet for probably more than 10 years. It did the trick and I succeeded the following morning. The night I drank the Scotch wasn't pleasant and probably not the smartest action given the possible negative interaction with the medication.
Won't be doing that again anytime soon. Just thinking about that it makes me mad because every time we used to go to parties or have BBQ i would not drink in fear of interaction with the meds, it sucked to be the guy who didn't drink, Jee whizz such fun.
I'm super happy to hear you are doing better then yesterday, day is 6 is great. I'm looking forward to the day I can post the same thing and it will be soon. I'm not worried about the physical part, I'm worried about the mental part. When I am not under the spell of the meds I beat myself up about all things I have done during my relationship with these hell pills. In my mind they are major mess ups, mostly financial.
I have never got in trouble legally or acted out towards anyone in a physical manor its just all the spending after all the years of saving. I was in such a great position prior to taking the pills. I had plenty of money in the bank and great money coming in. When we moved into out home we went furniture shopping and spend over 20K in one day, what the hell was I thinking? My brain was telling me no problem you can make that up in no time. I kept thinking I was still not at stride of my full potential.
I had a great senior director career at a 15 billion year company and created programs that are still in place today. I also had a consulting company which was me stand alone and did very well. It all ended as these pills destroyed my personality and ripped away my just do it attitude. I am so angry with myself!
If I would just left the savings alone and maybe if I was honest with my employer (of 14 years) and told them what I was going through? I don't know, who knows?
I do have a brother and sister, they are 20 years older than me and were out of the house just as I was born, guess I was an accident. They never liked me and treated me like crap all my life, I was so happy when we finally moved away and they stayed in the original city. 6 years ago we moved back to my home town in hopes of them helping with my parents, they did nothing. I took my father and mother to every single chemotherapy treatment and radiation treatment along with all the Doctor appointments and ER trips, it was 4.5 years of true hell.
I finally could not take it anymore and we moved away. It wasn't my decision to move back there in the first place it was my wife wanting to move away from where we lived, I actually liked it where we were living and my parents were close by and I could have done all of what did and stayed right there. I remember my Mother telling, please do not move back there, your brother and sister will torment you, they are not good and will make your life miserable. I said no Mom they won't, that was years ago and I was 18. I thought things would have been different and since we were all adults and pretty much equally successful all would be good. My Mom was correct.
That was so far from the case. I actually ended up moving onto the same street as my Brother pretty much at the same time he did. He made it perfectly clear I was not welcome and it was his neighborhood and I am ruining it for him. He was a keep to yourself kind of guy and I was have fiends kind of guy so that made him super mad.
I remember one time my Dad fell in my hallway and was laying on the floor in pain, out of it and mess all over him. He was in terrible shape from the Chemo and radiation, so weak and so tired he couldn't even make it out the bathroom. My Brother was there and just looked at me and said I can't deal with this and walked out the door.
The neighbors would always stop by our house and we did things together, I still am friends with many of them, well so to speak. Since the downward spiral with the meds I have not been friends with anyone. People send me texts saying what happen to you, you disappeared. Most of the time I don't reply.
O'well enough with all that, just another challenge that was masked by the medication. The pills set me free from all the problems with siblings but now I'm away from that and don't have to deal with it. Its time for me to take care of me!
I too suffer from this, one time it went on for 8 days. I tried everything over the counter I could find, finally I remembered back in school when I used to drink alcohol I would have the morning after bathroom trips. So, I drank 6 oz of Scotch that has been sitting in our liquor cabinet for probably more than 10 years. It did the trick and I succeeded the following morning. The night I drank the Scotch wasn't pleasant and probably not the smartest action given the possible negative interaction with the medication.
Won't be doing that again anytime soon. Just thinking about that it makes me mad because every time we used to go to parties or have BBQ i would not drink in fear of interaction with the meds, it sucked to be the guy who didn't drink, Jee whizz such fun.
I'm super happy to hear you are doing better then yesterday, day is 6 is great. I'm looking forward to the day I can post the same thing and it will be soon. I'm not worried about the physical part, I'm worried about the mental part. When I am not under the spell of the meds I beat myself up about all things I have done during my relationship with these hell pills. In my mind they are major mess ups, mostly financial.
I have never got in trouble legally or acted out towards anyone in a physical manor its just all the spending after all the years of saving. I was in such a great position prior to taking the pills. I had plenty of money in the bank and great money coming in. When we moved into out home we went furniture shopping and spend over 20K in one day, what the hell was I thinking? My brain was telling me no problem you can make that up in no time. I kept thinking I was still not at stride of my full potential.
I had a great senior director career at a 15 billion year company and created programs that are still in place today. I also had a consulting company which was me stand alone and did very well. It all ended as these pills destroyed my personality and ripped away my just do it attitude. I am so angry with myself!
If I would just left the savings alone and maybe if I was honest with my employer (of 14 years) and told them what I was going through? I don't know, who knows?
I do have a brother and sister, they are 20 years older than me and were out of the house just as I was born, guess I was an accident. They never liked me and treated me like crap all my life, I was so happy when we finally moved away and they stayed in the original city. 6 years ago we moved back to my home town in hopes of them helping with my parents, they did nothing. I took my father and mother to every single chemotherapy treatment and radiation treatment along with all the Doctor appointments and ER trips, it was 4.5 years of true hell.
I finally could not take it anymore and we moved away. It wasn't my decision to move back there in the first place it was my wife wanting to move away from where we lived, I actually liked it where we were living and my parents were close by and I could have done all of what did and stayed right there. I remember my Mother telling, please do not move back there, your brother and sister will torment you, they are not good and will make your life miserable. I said no Mom they won't, that was years ago and I was 18. I thought things would have been different and since we were all adults and pretty much equally successful all would be good. My Mom was correct.
That was so far from the case. I actually ended up moving onto the same street as my Brother pretty much at the same time he did. He made it perfectly clear I was not welcome and it was his neighborhood and I am ruining it for him. He was a keep to yourself kind of guy and I was have fiends kind of guy so that made him super mad.
I remember one time my Dad fell in my hallway and was laying on the floor in pain, out of it and mess all over him. He was in terrible shape from the Chemo and radiation, so weak and so tired he couldn't even make it out the bathroom. My Brother was there and just looked at me and said I can't deal with this and walked out the door.
The neighbors would always stop by our house and we did things together, I still am friends with many of them, well so to speak. Since the downward spiral with the meds I have not been friends with anyone. People send me texts saying what happen to you, you disappeared. Most of the time I don't reply.
O'well enough with all that, just another challenge that was masked by the medication. The pills set me free from all the problems with siblings but now I'm away from that and don't have to deal with it. Its time for me to take care of me!
Hi..If you could just light that first candle toward your recovery that is a big step..Have you talked to a Dr to help with a taper plan. If you do taper YOU can not have them in your hand..You will have to give them to someone to dull out..If you go into a rehab and stay for 30 days you will learn alot about this disease. There is so much info out here about what it does to our brain wiring. There is also a Midbrain (Pleasure Part) that keeps playing the tape over and over to use for any pleasure you can get from what ever you are on. This is a SERIOUS disease. The detox will be over soon but it is trying to stay clean that takes the cake. I would for sure talk to a Dr and then get some after care..We did not become Addicted over night so it will take TIME for the Brain and Body to adjust back from the removal of these substances. Start by drinking lots of water to help flush out the poisons. As you get going through detox we can help by telling you things we used and still use in a more natural way..I wish you the Best and just take that first step..That is all it takes and the rest will fall in place. It seems to be a bit harder on the ones who have used most of there life..It takes SO much work not to run and hide for this reason or that. I c/t off of Methadone with 2 other drugs about a Year and a Half ago and I still have to work very hard because I miss the Lift to get everything done at once and have it done like Yesterday. I never hit bottom and I worked and own my Home and land and such..BUT I was going to die..I just knew it was time to give up on this insanity. I wish you the best again.
Bless
Bless
Thanks for reaching out.
When I first started taking the medication I did research on the health risks to uncover the additive being Tylenol was capped at 4000 mg per day as not to damage the liver. I requested to my Pain Management Doctor to eliminate the Tylenol which he did. I went from 10/325 to 15 mg Oxycodone and it went up from there.
What I have not been able to uncover are the health risks of the pure pain medictaion other than it ruining people lives. I would like to understand or learn the actual damage it causes to internal organs and or function of.
Thanks again and Kind Regards,
NuStart50
When I first started taking the medication I did research on the health risks to uncover the additive being Tylenol was capped at 4000 mg per day as not to damage the liver. I requested to my Pain Management Doctor to eliminate the Tylenol which he did. I went from 10/325 to 15 mg Oxycodone and it went up from there.
What I have not been able to uncover are the health risks of the pure pain medictaion other than it ruining people lives. I would like to understand or learn the actual damage it causes to internal organs and or function of.
Thanks again and Kind Regards,
NuStart50
My typical day occurred once again today, I got up at 6AM and got my son ready, fead him and made his chocolate milk fix then took him to school. On my way home I stopped and got my red bull, came home and started to read posts. While reading my eyes became heavy and I started to nod off. I closed my laptop and went upstairs and laid in bed and watched NetFlix, after 10 minutes I fell asleep. 2.5 hours later I woke up feeling like stool. I made my way downstairs, drank another red bull and paid the devil his dues. I now sit here typing and thinking of all I could if accomplished this morning and looking at the clock thinking I need to pick up my son in one hour so all I was to do today I will this evening. We all know the chances of that are slim but may happen.
I have hours of paperwork in front of me which I used to not mind doing. All of my Parents medical bills need to be sorted, appealed and or paid. They are counting on me to make sure they are okay, I can't even make sure I'm okay, it's so sad!
I don't think I will ever get out of the work week set of mind, I struggle to make through the week just to see the weekends come, I think in my mind the weekend are at least the time where I should be taking it easy, reality is I have no right taking any day easy and need to get things back on track ASAP!
I greatly appreciate all of the posts and look forward to receiving them, they are starting to make feel as if I'm not alone.
I ventured through a string and ended up on Rapid Detox Center, it must be co-owned by the poster and another Doctor. They claim they can detox and make you feel better in 4-5 days, all you have to do is fly to their location and fly back. They do this by sedation, sedation for about one week while they claim they will repair your brain receptors and you will feel better and go home drug free. They do state full recovery will takes additional time and recommend certain drugs to deal with common minor challenges after withdrawal. Its sounds like they place you in a comatose state while your body goes through sever physical withdrawals, then send you home feeling good.
They also mention some sort of treatment while you are sedated that repairs the receptors, this all sounds a bit strange, they also claim they are the only Rapid Detox Center in the country and most people would rather fly somewhere else to do this so they don't have to go through it in their home town. It all sounds like an advertisement to me, thats just me, maybe I'm wrong.
The post starts out by saying in so many words trying this at home is not advised and the chances of success are slim, the posts mentions the clinic has heard all of the horror stories of people trying this at home, still sounds like a push to get people into the center. Does anyone have experience with this place or have read what I have read?
I have decided I am going to start reducing my intake on Monday. I have never taken the tapper approach, matter of speaking I have never taken any approach other then the time I ran out and was left empty handed for 8 days. I also wonder how hard it will be to reduce the intake when I have such a large supply on hand.
How does one feel terrible and not take whats in the bottle just to take way the pain and suffering? Have any of you quit while still having medication at your fingertips? If so, how did that work out?
I'm also going to read the Thomas Recipe, which I will do now.
Have a great day,
NuStart50
I have hours of paperwork in front of me which I used to not mind doing. All of my Parents medical bills need to be sorted, appealed and or paid. They are counting on me to make sure they are okay, I can't even make sure I'm okay, it's so sad!
I don't think I will ever get out of the work week set of mind, I struggle to make through the week just to see the weekends come, I think in my mind the weekend are at least the time where I should be taking it easy, reality is I have no right taking any day easy and need to get things back on track ASAP!
I greatly appreciate all of the posts and look forward to receiving them, they are starting to make feel as if I'm not alone.
I ventured through a string and ended up on Rapid Detox Center, it must be co-owned by the poster and another Doctor. They claim they can detox and make you feel better in 4-5 days, all you have to do is fly to their location and fly back. They do this by sedation, sedation for about one week while they claim they will repair your brain receptors and you will feel better and go home drug free. They do state full recovery will takes additional time and recommend certain drugs to deal with common minor challenges after withdrawal. Its sounds like they place you in a comatose state while your body goes through sever physical withdrawals, then send you home feeling good.
They also mention some sort of treatment while you are sedated that repairs the receptors, this all sounds a bit strange, they also claim they are the only Rapid Detox Center in the country and most people would rather fly somewhere else to do this so they don't have to go through it in their home town. It all sounds like an advertisement to me, thats just me, maybe I'm wrong.
The post starts out by saying in so many words trying this at home is not advised and the chances of success are slim, the posts mentions the clinic has heard all of the horror stories of people trying this at home, still sounds like a push to get people into the center. Does anyone have experience with this place or have read what I have read?
I have decided I am going to start reducing my intake on Monday. I have never taken the tapper approach, matter of speaking I have never taken any approach other then the time I ran out and was left empty handed for 8 days. I also wonder how hard it will be to reduce the intake when I have such a large supply on hand.
How does one feel terrible and not take whats in the bottle just to take way the pain and suffering? Have any of you quit while still having medication at your fingertips? If so, how did that work out?
I'm also going to read the Thomas Recipe, which I will do now.
Have a great day,
NuStart50
Hi, what a great post and so spot on..I am one day ahead and feel a little better than yesterday. Let's be in it to win it! Good luck and God speed...
Good morning!! I am so glad to see all the wonderful posts you have received. Day six for me now and I am feeling a little better...still have the bathroom issues, but after being constipated for the last four years...I bought some stock in Imodium, and just think...bring it on!! Hope that was not TMI....
LOL!! Come on NuStart, you can do this. Hope to hear from you soon.
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