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Avatar universal

Help....all prescription meds!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I dont want to go into a long story of my drug history so I will make it short.  Started experimenting with bud when i was about 14, then progressed to cocaine and meth.  But my DOC ended up being opiates by the time I was 18. By the time I was 20, I was in a methadone program. After about two years in the program I developed an addiction to benzo's as well. Eventually I was basically forced to quit methadone and go off cold turkey, I went from 100mg to 60 and then went CT from there.  This was in Oct 2009.  I stayed on my prescription of klonopin from my reg doctor who know i was on methadone. A month later he started me back on hydrocodone and eventually put me on tramadol, neurontin, and temezepam as well.  I also developed an addiction to halcion, aka triazolam.

I finally decided in October of 2010 that I had gotten out of control.  I consulted with my doctor and we tapered off everything and I went to rehab in October and completed the rehab.  It was only 30 days.  I started relapsing on xanax probably a week after I was out of rehab, but didn't relapse on any opiates for 2 months.  

Now I'm in the same situation.  I went back to my doctor three months ago, the same one who knew I was a drug addict, and i convinced him to give me klonopin again, as well as temezepam, and he also prescribed me vyvanse as well.  No opiates though, but I do still take them.  

I really want to be sober and I did stay sober for about two months for the majority of the time, but everything was so boring and i had so much free time, didn't want to work because my anxiety was through the roof, so I went back to the drug lifestyle.  

I am about to run about of all my meds tomorrow, about 2 weeks early and it scares the hell out of me.  Benzo withdrawal is no joke.  It was worse than methadone for me, seriously.  

I just don't know if I'll ever be able to quit, I honestly really want to, I'm enrolled in college and only have about a year left but the profession I'm going into will not allow me to be a drug addict.  Of course I could take rx meds, but I know I can't take them the right way.  I'm just completely conflicted.

Any ideas or suggestions would help.  

Side note: I was a member back when i was detoxing off methadone but i couldn't remember my login name so I had to create a new one, but I have seen some famaliar names that are still here which is good to know.  
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Avatar universal
Hi conflicted, The best way probably, is to just come out and say it. It will be shocking and uncomfortable, but if you want them to know, that's what you should do.  Having said that, I still don't know how to tell my husband of my addiction to opiates. So if you get a good anwer, I would love to know.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Any suggestions on how to break the news would help.....if anyone has any personal experience in what I'm going through.  Thanks.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I believe you're probably right.  Accepting long term is a hard thing for me to do right now as I have my school schedule already planned out and supposed to start Aug. 15.  But on the other side of that, if I keep doing what I'm doing I'm going to keep getting the same results which right now aren't that great so maybe I'm not even ready to go back just yet.  

The hardest thing for me as an addict to realize is just how much time I've wasted, and how much time it's going to take to get myself anywhere in life, or where I want to be.  Addicts are very selfish, and they want everything right here and now.......and it's sooooo hard for me to grasp the idea of going to, say a 9 month program, then getting out almost being 28 and then starting again.  But whats 9 months to the rest of my life if it gets me clean.  Nine months is nothing compared to a lifetime of misery I guess.

I really just don't know how to approach my immediate family with this, because it will be a little bit of a surprise to them, but getting honest with yourself is one of the first steps to getting clean so maybe thats the answer.
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your support and words of confidence and wisdom, it means a lot, so thank you.  Right now I really still don't have a particular plan in action, just still going.  I guess the main thing that keeps from reaching out again and going into rehab for a second time is because my family and others think I'm doing pretty good and I hate to disapoint people.  But I know as an addict those are just excuses for me not to go.  Rehab is a selfish event. It's a hard leap.  I've done it before so hopefully I will be able to do it again.  
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
i would also recommend the long term program. you are very young and 9 months or a year in a program would be time well spent. yes as an addict always looking for the quick fix. life is a marathon not a sprint. learning to live life on its terms and all that entails. you have plenty of years to live,it would be great for you to do it clean and sober.i think you know what could happen if you continue on this path. destruction............
i have a son 25 and a daughter 20,both have had friends od and die and some who are in jail. i pray that you think and pray about your life and where you want to be in 5,10 or 20 yrs. get off the merry go round of addiction now and save yourself a lifetime of sorrow,pain.
my husband is 57, started to use when he was a teen, used for 15 yrs.got clean, relapsed 7 yrs later and used for 14 more yrs. so many wasted yrs, he had hep c, he was treated but his liver is damaged, he missed so much of life and of our childrens lives. addiction is so sad and it robs,steals and destroys lives and families. i hope and pray that you take the necessary steps to end the cycle now........

counseling,na/aa,psychologist,addiction specialist,church,pastors, will help you to get  the  demons out of your soul. your pain,hurts,sadness,wounds are pushed so down  that is why you continue to use.
hope,trust,pray,believe,have faith. you will overcome your addiction.
i am praying for you,
debbie
Helpful - 0
229538 tn?1300377767
So do the long term this time if you have that choice ! Please keep us up on your progress . You have friends here . This is a great place for support ..Jimmy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
and honestly, I don't think 30 days was enough.  I was offered long term but I refused it because I wanted to get back into the real world so to speak.  Going to long term treatment is a big decision to make......its hard for me especially as an addict because I want to get on with my life, and like all addicts we want everything right when we want it, we don't like to wait.  But maybe that is the answer for me.
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Avatar universal
Yes I do have a pretty heavy addiction.  If I want to be honest with myself it will be hard to do at home, simply because my brother also lives here and he is an addict and both have enabled me before, so doing it at home would be extremely tough.  The anxiety is the biggest issue with me.  When I get sober, my anxiety is through the roof, and I can't handle being around people at all.  I know this should get better as time progresses.  I'm sure professional help would probably be best.  There is no shame is going into rehab twice, or however many times it takes for that matter.  Thank you for the advice, it is well appreciated.
Helpful - 0
229538 tn?1300377767
From what I am reading you have a pretty heavy addiction so I guess I will ask you ! Do You think you can do it at home ? Having your mother is a big plus but can she handle what is in store for both of you ? As for the anxiety gos , a lot of us have self medicated with opiates to deal with anxiety . I have GAD and I know for the few years that the pills worked I was in heaven ! Problem is that the Devil is waiting for you at the end of that road as I am sure you are very aware of ! I can give you some solace in this ! I have very little anxiety now that I have made a full recovery and I believe the same will be true for you ! A few weeks or even months is well worth what life awaits you at the end of addiction ..Jimmy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for the response, nice to get one so quickly.  And I believe you are right. I understand addiction very well, have been through rehab, and i have been clean, but i went back to the lifestyle.  I convinced myself that I truly needed the medications for anxiety and whatnot, of course us addicts will make up any excuse if we want our drugs.  

I guess the question I need to answer is, why did I go back to that lifestyle and where do I go from here.  When I went to rehab i went CT off Lortab, Klonopin, Temezepam, Triazolam, and Tramadol.  It really felt easier doing this in a rehab setting even though most of the other patients were already detoxed as this rehab wasn't a medical detox rehab.  

I don't know if I should consider going back to rehab to get off the prescriptions I'm on, or do this on my own, with the help of my mother who also lives with me.  I went to AA and NA meetings during rehab and they were very powerful, but I never went once I got home and that was a big mistake I believe.  I guess I'm wondering If i can detox myself at home and with the help of meetings get myself clean again without going back to rehab.
Helpful - 0
229538 tn?1300377767
Hello and welcome back ! I remember you from a while back ... After reading your post I really think you have answered the question yourself my friend ! There is going to be no easy ride for you and you know this I'm sure ! You have to want this almost more then life its self for you to succeed . All I can tell you that after the Hell there is a great life that waits for you . The boredom you speak of will fade away . Most of us went threw that . You can not do this on your own and should seek professional help. You're so young that your body can rebound from all the abuse . As always we are here for support and I wish you luck .. Peace Jimmy
Helpful - 0
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