Helping a friend.

[Ethan]

I have a friend who has been under the effects of alchohol for a few years now, and it is sad that she is still so young.  Recently my friend has run into a great deal of trouble with the law and is over her head in fines.  With this she has made an attempt to stay away from the alchohol, but I fear she may be having more serious problems without it.  She sometimes complains of severe headaches and stomach pains, somtimes so bad she will lay in bed for hours at a time.  I have never known her to do this.  I have also noticed that she hasen't been eating much at all, and day by day she drifts a little bit further away than the day before.  She doesn't talk quite as much anymore, and rarely goes out, except for work.  I am deeply concerned for her and her health.  I also fear that when she does eventually pay off her fines that she will go back to the drinking.  I have talked to her closest friend and found that even she can't get her to talk.  Is there any advice you could give me?  Is there anything I can do?

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[Kathy]

Ethan,
You sound like a wonderful friend, but one thing I do notice as most of my girlfriend/female friends, opposed to the male gender while going thru a life change as this one,( getting clean) "us" girls have a tendencie to "isolate" ourselfs from the world of pain that got us there, and try to work thru it, personally speaking when I am there, I thank god and am grateful I am a very loved person, as when I "close" up or isolate, my firends try to bring me out, and if i choose not to, ( for me sitting and reading a spiritual book to do my homework helps, but I have also been told alot, that I do it too much, your her freind and a loveing one, is this "time out" she needs for herself to regroup?.....just be a constant reminderof support that you are there, when she decideds to "come" out of the substances war/wounds she will know who her true friends are, and who she can talk to good luck, and she is fortunte to have a friend who cares as you do..... its a rought journey and at times we feel we need to go it alone......< that doesn't last long> but while it does, it helps us reflect, ....
Hope all is well now, you posted your awhile back....
Kathy H

[Mark Roberts]

Keep in mind that since you are her friend that there is only so much you can do to help her.  Professional help is MANDITORY if you want to help her AND keep your friendship.  Al-Anon is a great place to start.