Aa
Here I Am.....Again
Hello All-
Lots of new faces here since last I graced these pages- a few familiar. I wanted to chime in not with the good news of my continued success at staying clean, but with another story of relapse. Relapse number 7 to be exact.
For those of you who I'm meeting for the first time, i'll introduce myself. My name is Mark and I have a wonderful life! I'm 37 and have been blessed with a loving, extended family. I'm married with 3 beautiful girls. I've got a great job, a great house, and a great big problem with OC abuse. So the question is WHY do i feel the need to destroy all of this with drugs? That is a great question- one that we've all probably asked ourselves at one point.
I've read many, many posts here over the past 24 hours - some pertaining to the dangers of snorting. Well, please allow me to expand these dangers with my own discaceful tale. I love to snort oxycontins. I love it so much that i've started- and stopped- and started again 7 times now in the past 2 1/2 years. I can vouch that when you snort, you've taken 2 monkeys onto your back instead of one. The abuse itself, and the ritual that was used to facilitate that abuse. My dance with these vile, wretched things lasted only about 6 weeks this go around. But it's enough. I snort about 100-120mg a day- but it's enough. It's enough to land me here- with extreme depression, acute physical w/d symptoms, and a feeling of hopelessness, guilt, rage, and remorse. Can't sleep - can't eat. And all this after only 6 weeks?!?!
Day 1- So far to go. Depression has ALWAYS been my #1 w/d crutch. It's a blanket through which i can see nothing but my hand in front of my face- and barely that. I've developed a new respect for people who suffer from severe depression on a day to day basis. I simply couldn't handle it. I don't know how they survive.
So.....to those of you who're going through this with me right now I'll quote the great Bubba of Forrest Gump......."I'll lean on you, and you lean right back on me." We can do this together. I start day 2 in about 3 hours. To those who're considering the path to a drug free life, don't wait another second. Fall in beside me and we can prove once and for all that it can be done. Misery loves company........sad but VERY, VERY true. Let's count the hours together. I need all of you and hope that at the same time, that I can help a few along the way.
Peace-
Lots of new faces here since last I graced these pages- a few familiar. I wanted to chime in not with the good news of my continued success at staying clean, but with another story of relapse. Relapse number 7 to be exact.
For those of you who I'm meeting for the first time, i'll introduce myself. My name is Mark and I have a wonderful life! I'm 37 and have been blessed with a loving, extended family. I'm married with 3 beautiful girls. I've got a great job, a great house, and a great big problem with OC abuse. So the question is WHY do i feel the need to destroy all of this with drugs? That is a great question- one that we've all probably asked ourselves at one point.
I've read many, many posts here over the past 24 hours - some pertaining to the dangers of snorting. Well, please allow me to expand these dangers with my own discaceful tale. I love to snort oxycontins. I love it so much that i've started- and stopped- and started again 7 times now in the past 2 1/2 years. I can vouch that when you snort, you've taken 2 monkeys onto your back instead of one. The abuse itself, and the ritual that was used to facilitate that abuse. My dance with these vile, wretched things lasted only about 6 weeks this go around. But it's enough. I snort about 100-120mg a day- but it's enough. It's enough to land me here- with extreme depression, acute physical w/d symptoms, and a feeling of hopelessness, guilt, rage, and remorse. Can't sleep - can't eat. And all this after only 6 weeks?!?!
Day 1- So far to go. Depression has ALWAYS been my #1 w/d crutch. It's a blanket through which i can see nothing but my hand in front of my face- and barely that. I've developed a new respect for people who suffer from severe depression on a day to day basis. I simply couldn't handle it. I don't know how they survive.
So.....to those of you who're going through this with me right now I'll quote the great Bubba of Forrest Gump......."I'll lean on you, and you lean right back on me." We can do this together. I start day 2 in about 3 hours. To those who're considering the path to a drug free life, don't wait another second. Fall in beside me and we can prove once and for all that it can be done. Misery loves company........sad but VERY, VERY true. Let's count the hours together. I need all of you and hope that at the same time, that I can help a few along the way.
Peace-
I'm SOOOO danged depressed right now. Slept 3 hours yesterday, worked all night, and can already tell that no sleep will come to me today. The house is empty and i'm feeling it right now. I have a second job that's going to have me on site at 3PM and then it's straight back into night shift again.
Thank you all for the ears and the shoulders. I know i can do this- i have no choice, anyway. I just can't stand the depression. Every waking moment is spent thinking of these OC's. And, unfortunately, right now, every WAKING moment is every MOMENT PERIOD! lol
Thank you all for the ears and the shoulders. I know i can do this- i have no choice, anyway. I just can't stand the depression. Every waking moment is spent thinking of these OC's. And, unfortunately, right now, every WAKING moment is every MOMENT PERIOD! lol
Great post, Mark. I leaned on this board without joining or posting for months while thinking of quitting and then for the first 3 weeks after quitting.
No one around me has any idea I've been addicted or that I'm now clean. I'm supposed to be the super guy who has it all together for everyone else. Having no one to talk with, this place has been my pressure relief valve, and I feel quite blessed to have it.
Now, after enjoying (?) 38 clean days, any of you guys are free to lean on me any time - to the extent I might have something to offer, it is yours.
No one around me has any idea I've been addicted or that I'm now clean. I'm supposed to be the super guy who has it all together for everyone else. Having no one to talk with, this place has been my pressure relief valve, and I feel quite blessed to have it.
Now, after enjoying (?) 38 clean days, any of you guys are free to lean on me any time - to the extent I might have something to offer, it is yours.
great job doing the mild exercise. I find that exercise plays a key role in reducing the time I am depressed. Exercise stimulates the brain into producing endorphins much quicker that just being sedintery while detoxing. keep up the exercise and your detox. congrats and all the best.
one thing i did differently tonight is mild excercise. during every break (and believe me- there were plenty tonight) i walked briskly for about 15 minutes. it did actually seem to lift my mood a bit. but only while i was actually doing the walking!
I have about 2 hours left at work and hope to go home this morning and sleep like a baby.....yeah, right. It's been ups and downs tonight....mostly downs. No hunger, no motivation....... but plenty of depression and mild anxiety attacks.
Why do i get SOOO depressed? I understand that it's a symptom most people go through, but usually not until well after the acute symptoms are over. Mine starts in mere hours after my final dose. And it doesn't show any signs of lifting for at LEAST a week and usually persists for 3-4. On the other side of the coin, I've NEVER experienced the more severe PHYSICAL symptoms such as vomitting, sweats, or RLS. I guess I trade one for another but, to be honest, i think i'd prefer the physical stuff. This depression is bloody AWFUL!!
Why do i get SOOO depressed? I understand that it's a symptom most people go through, but usually not until well after the acute symptoms are over. Mine starts in mere hours after my final dose. And it doesn't show any signs of lifting for at LEAST a week and usually persists for 3-4. On the other side of the coin, I've NEVER experienced the more severe PHYSICAL symptoms such as vomitting, sweats, or RLS. I guess I trade one for another but, to be honest, i think i'd prefer the physical stuff. This depression is bloody AWFUL!!
Hello to everyone. I'm doing ok hope all of you are. I'm kinda freaking out (just little bit). I have been on 12.5 mills of methadone to come off norco. My doc agreed to start tappering me off at my own request. I'm having a hard time getting off the .5 right now. I don't want this **** anymore. Please help. Please don't scare the **** out of me either
Congratulations on making the choice to quit!
x2 on the B6 and B12, both are super for combating stress and fatigue. Also if you have an indoor grow light or if you can get one then that can also help fight the depression (natural sunshine would be even better if you feel like going outside). Hang in there, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I wish I could give everyone here a big hug!
x2 on the B6 and B12, both are super for combating stress and fatigue. Also if you have an indoor grow light or if you can get one then that can also help fight the depression (natural sunshine would be even better if you feel like going outside). Hang in there, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I wish I could give everyone here a big hug!
TrayCee...........I would love to sleep the week away as well, if only I could do such without valium or zanex. I was saying i'd rather not sleep at all if it meant taking benzos. Just my personal choice.
Day 2 began for me almost 3 hours ago. VERY tired, slept only 3 hours today (i work night shift). Depressed and lethargic. Would honestly say that if i had something right now, i'd take it without blinking. Good thing i don't have any!!
Day 2 began for me almost 3 hours ago. VERY tired, slept only 3 hours today (i work night shift). Depressed and lethargic. Would honestly say that if i had something right now, i'd take it without blinking. Good thing i don't have any!!
wait...
I just read were you said "you'd rather not sleep for a week". I gotta ask... WHY NOT???
I cant buy sleep. I would L O V E to sleep the week away
I just read were you said "you'd rather not sleep for a week". I gotta ask... WHY NOT???
I cant buy sleep. I would L O V E to sleep the week away
I am a BIG coffee drinking Morning Noon&Night....Should you stay away from Coffee while detoxing...Coffee does not make me awake ...I can drink a cup and go straight to bed ....
Hey welcome back...I feel your pain as I'm 23 days clean from my 3rd relapse in a year. You know you can do this and you will. Exercise, if you can, will speed the process and help the depression. on day 3 and, feeling pretty $h**ty I forced myself to start walking around the block for about 10 minutes. Just about everyday I have increased that and it has helped alot. I started taking one of those 5 hour energy drinks about once a day when I feel the most fatigued and I feel that has helped too. Those energy shots have many of the amino acids from the amino acid protocol aswell. The shots do have caffiene in them (same amount as a cup of coffee) so you may want to wait for the acute wds to end b4 using them. Eat lots of proteins, fish, chix and eggs. Do breathing exercises when stressed or irritaded. Congrats on recommiting and best of luck.
Thanks for all the comments. Isn't it funny how in the first several days we count the hours rather than the days? I keep watching the clock waiting for the hands to hit 4:45 so i can say that 1 whole day is behind me. Day 2 sounds alot better than day 1! This, for me, has always been a mental battle moreso than a physical one. I suffer mild aching muscles, sleeplessness, and fatigue early on but by days 4-5, most of that is gone. The depression, however, locks me up for a bit longer.
SwtGyrl69........i'm sure that everyone is different. However, having gone through this 7 times now, i've found what works best for me. I've never tried the Thomas Recipe because when i'm trying to get clean, i don't feel that valiums or zanex is the best choice for me. I'd rather not sleep for a week. What I do take is a good multi-vitamin. If there's any in the house, i'll supplement with L-Tyrosine and HTP-5. Both seem to help a good bit. I also eat all the bananas I can get my hands on. With no appetite, i have to eat things that go down quickly. I've honed my skills at banana eating down to about a 10 second endeavor!!!!!
Later- around day 3 or 4- i'll start pounding down tuna fish sandwhiches and hard boiled eggs for the protein.
From hour 1, believe it or not, i'm steady pounding red bulls. They have tons of vitimin B's and Taurine, both which really seem to help. Also, if you can your hands on a script for Provigil, they're a God send for me.
SwtGyrl69........i'm sure that everyone is different. However, having gone through this 7 times now, i've found what works best for me. I've never tried the Thomas Recipe because when i'm trying to get clean, i don't feel that valiums or zanex is the best choice for me. I'd rather not sleep for a week. What I do take is a good multi-vitamin. If there's any in the house, i'll supplement with L-Tyrosine and HTP-5. Both seem to help a good bit. I also eat all the bananas I can get my hands on. With no appetite, i have to eat things that go down quickly. I've honed my skills at banana eating down to about a 10 second endeavor!!!!!
Later- around day 3 or 4- i'll start pounding down tuna fish sandwhiches and hard boiled eggs for the protein.
From hour 1, believe it or not, i'm steady pounding red bulls. They have tons of vitimin B's and Taurine, both which really seem to help. Also, if you can your hands on a script for Provigil, they're a God send for me.
Can ya til us all what you used for withdrawls and when and how you used them and if they helped ya through it ...thx so much
COMMUNITY LEADER
Glad you are finding your way back.......We have strong shoulders so lean away.......sara
I am fairly new around here but I can attest to the fact that this site helped me through the worst part, being at work during day 2-6 and9-13 or something like that. The depression was aweful for me too, I was serously worried about my selk and the depression..but somehow like magic I woke up about day 14 and I was like wow, I kinda feel ok..
It was so bad for me that when I joined htis group, I couldn't even type/spell quit so I typed or spelled it wrong as you can see in my user name and then I spent an hour trying to get back in the next day. I was so frustrated and cried..but now I leave it mispelled to remind me how far I have come in 26 days. You can do this, you said you have done it before, so you know you can. Be strong, post and read. I am here if you want to talk, lean on us, lean on your family.
Much love, prayers and peace to you.
It was so bad for me that when I joined htis group, I couldn't even type/spell quit so I typed or spelled it wrong as you can see in my user name and then I spent an hour trying to get back in the next day. I was so frustrated and cried..but now I leave it mispelled to remind me how far I have come in 26 days. You can do this, you said you have done it before, so you know you can. Be strong, post and read. I am here if you want to talk, lean on us, lean on your family.
Much love, prayers and peace to you.
Hey Mark.. You can "LEAN ON ME" anytime!
Although I never snorted my DOC, it became a MONKEY on MY BACK... as I found myself taking up to 8-10 Norco a day x's 3 years (with a legit RX) but... taking that much almost ruined my life... For me.. it just GOT to the POINT that I said to myself.. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.... I have a WONDERFUL HUSBAND and an AWESOME SON and.. I WANT to SEE my SON get MARRIED...and.. I WANT to be able to spend those GOLDEN YEARS with my HUSBAND... and... I WANT TO LIVE DRUG FREE... I have TOO much to LIVE FOR!
simple and as HARD AS THAT!
ENOUGH is ENOUGH is what I HAD to say to myself... (plus.. AFTERCARE)
So with that said... please PLEASE... keep posting us on your progress.. as I KNOW that there are ALOT of people out here that REALLY care ABOUT YOU and your LIFE... WIFE... AND KIDS!
Love, Hugs and Prayers your way,.
NorcoQueen
Although I never snorted my DOC, it became a MONKEY on MY BACK... as I found myself taking up to 8-10 Norco a day x's 3 years (with a legit RX) but... taking that much almost ruined my life... For me.. it just GOT to the POINT that I said to myself.. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.... I have a WONDERFUL HUSBAND and an AWESOME SON and.. I WANT to SEE my SON get MARRIED...and.. I WANT to be able to spend those GOLDEN YEARS with my HUSBAND... and... I WANT TO LIVE DRUG FREE... I have TOO much to LIVE FOR!
simple and as HARD AS THAT!
ENOUGH is ENOUGH is what I HAD to say to myself... (plus.. AFTERCARE)
So with that said... please PLEASE... keep posting us on your progress.. as I KNOW that there are ALOT of people out here that REALLY care ABOUT YOU and your LIFE... WIFE... AND KIDS!
Love, Hugs and Prayers your way,.
NorcoQueen
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