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955456 tn?1316227179

Here I am again.....

Ok, for those who don't know my story here it is...

I am addicted to endocet 10/325.  I stopped doing them in the beginning of July, but after 10 days or so, I relapsed.  I have been struggling since then to find the same motivation I had to quit again.  Here I am a month later and I have once again found the strength to get over this.  This time around, I know I can't just take one, that it will lead me down a worse path then I had been on before quitting.  This is what happened the last time, I had been taking about 5-8 a day, and once I started again after quitting, I am now up to 10 a day.  I am ready to be done!!! I am going to SLOWLY taper this time, as I feel I did too quick of a taper last time.  I am going to cut my 10/day to 5/day starting TODAY and slowly taper down from that.  I am already feeling pretty crappy.  I feel embarrassed and sad that I didn't just stick with this the FIRST time I had to go through this!! I have a feeling it's going to be much harder this time!!!
9 Responses
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Avatar universal
I know what you are going through- i tried the tapering and just cant do it i end up taking all the days worth in 1 day, and then im stuck figuring how to get more, i am on hour 36 clean from OxyIR 20 mg - 8 a day prescribed but pretty much i was taking close to 20 day equal to 32 percocets, i found tapering just painful, and ran out on purpose this time, knowing i have 5 days til my next script and i dont want to fill it, cold turkey feels better to me, it is awful dont get me wrong, but this time my husband is in on it so my first day i have spent in bed- all day, normally i give up because i cant function and take care of my kids so i get my hands on more- always legal- i dont know how or why but docs trust me completely, great for an addict, not good for someone trying to get clean.
seriously i woud try cold turkey, i took the advice from people in the forums and i find it true tapering is agonizing your day is all about when you get more pills- i know it hurts i am having a hard time too, reading from everyone on here is great motivation, i hope and wish you success and hope i have it too, i am here to talk if you want
Helpful - 0
955456 tn?1316227179
Ok... so today is day two of my taper... and I have to be honest, this is SOOOO much harder then last time!!!!! All I can think about are these pills.  It has been 2 days of nothing but waiting for the next pill.. staring at the clock!!!! (5 pills yesterday, 5 pills today)

I know I have to do this, I start school in the beginning of September and it simply won't be done correctly if I am dealing with these pills!!  I guess just some encouraging words and even some tough love is what I need right now!
Helpful - 0
942290 tn?1252618549
thanks mo, that means alot to me :]

your a good warm smart young gal, that deserves better than this crud.

you need to taper given your circumstances, some cant, but you did last time. I have before and it was easier,still hard. but it was certainly easier than this last time were I had to go with a short 3 day taper off methadone and norcos,which was rougher.

keep us update

Helpful - 0
955456 tn?1316227179
thank you so much for your warmth.  You were there for me the last time I went through this, and here you are for me again even though I have let everyone down!! You are a sweet, warm hearted person, THANK YOU!
Helpful - 0
955456 tn?1316227179
Thank you very much for the responses :)

The last time I got off these things, I did an extremely quick taper... talking like 5 day taper!! I found that the w/d was slim, but the mental was excruciating!  I have no choice but to taper because I am a single mother of a 3 year old boy with no help, so cold turkey is not something that I can handle!! I tried it last time before tapering and I just couldn't get everything done that I needed to get done!! I like that by tapering, the physical is minimal!  I have heard wonderful things about Clonodine, but I am really scared to death to touch ANYTHING else.  I really just want this to be done with and I want to be normal again!!! I have wasted SO much money on these things its ridiculous!! I am behind on everything because of it!!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Depends who you ask, but some people (me included) don't feel that tapering helps very much - just prolongs the pain (with your DOC at least). I was on the same thing (minus the Acetaminophen) and went CT off quite a few and it wasn't so bad with Clonidine.
Helpful - 0
942290 tn?1252618549
you can count on me mo! I am here durring the weekdays mostly!

I can always come up with some ideas to help.
Helpful - 0
955456 tn?1316227179
I was on this forum EVERY day, reading and trying to get my motivation back.  I never left, was just ashamed and I didn't want to put any of my negative energy on those who were dealing with the demon.  I am really going to try to make this the last time I have to go through this!  One thing I've learned from this forum though is never say never.  I start back at college in early September, and I want to be focused on that, not on a pill.  I got full funding from the state, so I can't mess this up.  Especially not because I don't have any pills to get me through the day!! One thing I noticed from when I relapsed was that idle time was the biggest factor in taking that first pill again.  I feel this time should be different, because my schedule will be so filled up with school, work, and my son, that idle time will be hard to come by!! I am going to take this one day at a time, and hope for the best!! It really took another month just to get the motivation back to quit again!! Now that I know THAT, maybe this time will be different!  Thank you so much for your kind words, it's greatly appreciated!~
Helpful - 0
942290 tn?1252618549
I was wondering how you were doing, and you did say that you were back to taking one or two. so you were honest about it. nothing to be embarrassed about.........we have all been there. I think I tried about 20 times to just take a few, after I went through major wd's because I maxed out on them.but this last time was different for me, I accepted the fact, that I am not superman and I am an addict. I never wanted to accept it.

I would guess many that you seen back then have relapsed too, because I dont see them around anymore. I hope not, though........
Helpful - 0
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