Hey it is Angel_lina again

[all_alone1]

Hello everyone I just wanted to say a quick hello to all that have been worrying how I have been doing......I am fine and.thank you for your concern these post are for you.

I really don't feel like I belong here at least not yet until I start.making real progress......I have started.tapering again but this time I am sticking to my schedule...no jumping for.me that didn't work.....I was doing very well.until I did....

Anyway I just wanted to say that all of u are awsome on here not the ones who have stayed sober but also the ones who keep trying..I know there are some on here who are hard on the ones who failed their attempt at sobriety...but that is why we have come to this forum...for support when we have failed....and praise when we have succeeded...in life sometime things take a few tries.....but don't give up cuz it didn't work out the first second or however many times.....I know I am not......we have to keep moving....keep learning.....keep growing.....and start living

Thanks for reading......and especially for caring

[all_alone1]

Ricart70........I know you were just making a funny.....I was trying to as well......I guess we both worded it wrong lol

Thank you CATUF and innerstength67.......your words do mean a lot to me I really do appreciate them

[Innerstrength67]

Angel_lina, you DO DESERVE TO BE HERE! You want to get well and your doing the best you can!.
Your disease wants you to feel like you don't belong here because that is how it feeds.
Keep posting and keep truckin!
This is about your recovery!

[CATUF]

"I really don't feel like I belong here at least not yet until I start.making real progress."

Your comment reminds me of part of a hymn that hit me pretty hard when I was in early recovery:

     Come, ye weary, heavy laden,
     Lost and ruined by the fall;
     If you tarry till you’re better,
     You will never come at all.

Once I finally made it into sustained recovery I found that many of my beliefs that seemed self-evident and obvious, were the opposite of what was actually true.  Three examples:

1)  I wasn't a bad man that needed to become good again, I was a sick man that needed to become well again.

2)  I didn't need to fight addiction, I needed to surrender to recovery.

And along the lines of your comment:

3)  I need to make progress before I could come in from the cold of active addiction, I needed to come in from the cold before I could make any lasting progress.

To be fair, I was unable to see any of this while I was in active addiction.  I was set to pursue my secret, self-help method of recovery until it killed me, which it would have (sooner, not later).  However, my little cat got out of its bag and I was forced into recovery.

Come in from the cold.  You don't deserve to be there.

CATUF
2370

[ricart70]

I was just kidding about being offended .I worded that bad joke wrong I think.oops sorry. I hope you can stay on here and talk if you need to.Depression caused by the pill withdrawal is temporary and unavoidable as far as I have ever had experience.

[all_alone1]

Thanks guys for responding it really means alot...

ricart70...... I am glad u are offended..it means you care a lot lol.....I went back to 4 pills daily.....I am cutting back 1.25mg a day...deducting a little from each dose of course.

Dominosarah......thank you for wanting my whinning *** around lol

And gnarly....well what can I say but I know u will always be here for me

Iwillsurvive2011 thank you.....I think I just feel soo bad because I thought I would be able to do it and so weak for not accomplishing it...I was actually feeling good when I decided to jump off my taper that is why I thought I was ready to do it......I was severly depressed in the past so when some of those old feelings came back they scared the **** out of me.......I swore to myself I would never go back to that place.

[Iwillsurvive2011]

I am tapering also and don't plan to stop for another 3 weeks but I have already got so much support from everyone on here that it is really helping already and I feel like I really belong here - so should you because you do! A lot of people don't know what will happen when they stop or even how to go about stopping, so you sharing your experience of tapering down before stopping will help a lot of people, including me. So keep posting, I will look forward to seeing how you are getting on...

[gnarly_1]

her girl good to see you dident give up trying if a taper works then taper just know in the end it gets pritty ruff you can spread out the withdrawals but yuo cant get around them stay with up will help you threw and as Sara says keep talking to us.........Gnarly

[dominosarah]

You do need to be here.  This forum is for anyone who wants to get clean.  I am glad to hear your tapering is working.  Now stick around and keep talking to us!!!       sara

[ricart70]

I am very offended Angel...no I'm not just kidding.Glad to see you on here.
I know that I never thought it was that hard to quit.....until I started trying to quit.Just keep trying and taper down to dust if you need to.You are good at it I know.How much are you taking at the moment If you don't mind me asking?  Hope everything else is good for you.  :)

[all_alone1]

After reading my post above it sounded like I didn't care about the sober ones......I am sorry my phone has a mind of its own.....it was supposed to say that not just the sober ones are awsome the ones attempting sobriety also.....spool sorry if it sounded offensive I didn't mean for it that way.......far from it.