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Hey there from Detroit! Introducing myself...

   Hi folks. I've been lurking on this forum for a little while now, reading all sorts of helpful info, but still, now that I'm actually typing-here come the crocodile tears! Ugh..
   My story isn't new to any of you. I'm an opiate addict(pills;vics, loritabs, percoset-whatever I can get my hands on, really). I lost my father awhile back, and then my ex fiance developed pancreatitis and became so withdrawn that we eventually broke up(he actually almost od'd on benzos-went to medical detox, came out and had a seizure),and I had other bad things happen back then that triggered my first round of pill abuse. I realize that's all NO excuse, but they were there. My best friend at the time sold the d@mn things.
   So, after awhile, I got fed up and did in fact quit. I guess the level of abuse wasn't to the degree it is now. I went to an outpatient clinic, got a counselor and a psychiatrist, was prescribed medications for mood stabilization(Topomax, ambien and Klonopin), and tapered off the opiates.
   I was clean for around 6 or 7 months from that nonsense. I suffered mild withdrawls, but nothing like I am now(be patient with me, I'll get there)--then I guess it's been about 9 months ago, my neighbors started to offer me Norco's in exchange for the use of my car.
   So, it started that way...recreational use again, here and there, but I remember the day that I bought a bottle myself-I even told my boyfriend "here I go again"....I should have known better. I wasn't broke anymore due to my Dad's inheritance(and as his only child, his daughter--the fact I've been spending his hard earned money on this junk is KILLING me. Dad was no angel himself, but we had a great relationship), so this addiction has spiraled out of control very very fast. I had been taking 10 to 15 of those suckers a day.
   Well, for my New Years resolution, I decided to stop, by tapering off like many of you have done. I should also mention that my car is broken and I haven't been to my clinic in awhile to see my shrink.
   Today is febuary 1st-I began trying to do this on Jan.5th..
   It started out ok. I wrote down my milligrams, took pills in the morning and night, but always broke em in half and just couldn't wait till my next dose--I got down to about 70mgs when I started to feel the weight of the world on me.
   Sight was sharper, SOUND-god---someone eating or rattling plastic drove me insane! And all the worries about the future closed in on me-the end of the world, losing my teeth, becoming a hoarder, dying alone...I could go on and on.
   So I decided I'd give myself a 'free weekend'--haha, THAT didn't work! I've backslided twice in less than a month.
   I'm so damn mad at myself for letting this happen!
  So, yesterday, I looked at the Suboxone website-and reduced down to 9 pills..I thought I had found an 'out', but nooo, then I found your forum by googling "addiction help forums"(I belong to other forums for cosmeticas and things, I'm a cosmotology student,though I haven't been to school in awhile)..anyway, I read some of the horror stories about detoxing from suboxone being worse than detoxing from opiates! GAH! And then I read, and read more and more, about the Thomas receipe, and so many other stories far worse than mine-that I decided I'd just join your forum.
   At 9 pills a day, I'm already sickish. Listless as hell, no motivation, sick as a dog in the morning, puking, gagging--all sorts of lovely stuff. I can't eat. At least not till my night 'dose'...Its been two in the morning, I'm sick all day and take the rest in late afternoon. Then of course I feel better, but I gotta stop. I can't keep this up. I have a bright future and I'm just pissing it away.
   This is MY doing and I can't make excuses. But heres where I'm stuck--do I taper and give my stuff to a trusted friend to hold and dispense properly? Or do I just STOP and suffer like crazy?
    Ideally of course, I'd like to clean my house, see my shrink and tell them what I plan to do(I have been off my prescribed meds awhile now,and if they can help me, it would be great), and get the ingredients for 'the' recipe I need before I "hunker down" for what's probably gonna be the hardest thing I've ever done. --THAT of course would be IDEAL. Or I can just be out and really go through misery. I'm not prepared with the proper ammo yet.
   I don't know what to do....between those two options.I just know I need out and SOON..but of course I'd like to make it as comfortable as it can be.
   Anyways. This is a great forum you have here. Very supportive and probably exactly what I needed to find. Thanks for having me! If anyone has advice, I sure would appreciate it.
    Thanks,much love, Lori
17 Responses
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Avatar universal
I think the reduction in the amount of pills is a step in the right direction.  I wonder how your body would react if you just went to 6 a day - 3 times a day x's 2?  What occurred to me was, "do I want to continue to get high from these, or am I really serious about quitting?"  More often than not, I still enjoyed the high more than my committment to getting clean.  Getting clean is a total concept that's hard to grasp when we're using.  I mean a life of sobriety is almost foreign to many of us.  Though I'm no doctor, I would recommend that you try the suboxone to avoid the withdrawal.  After a short time on the suboxone, I believe you'll see a lack of craving for the opiates and perhaps, a clear view of what it means to be clean.  I'm just sharing my experience, strength and hope.  It took a lot for me to decide that the clean life is the way to go.  I couldn't imagine living life without doing some recreational drugs.  How boring I thought.  Well, the longer that I'm clean, I can now see I missed so much more out of life as I spent so much time messed up and wasted, i.e., my relationships with my wife and each of my children, etc.
Helpful - 0
429432 tn?1343594190
Tachycardia is a fast, irregular heartbeat. My pulse was consistently over 120 beats per minute.
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Avatar universal
  Hi there, maybe I was so sick this morning I wasnt typing properly!
   No darlin, I don't have adderal. It's vic's that are my problem. What I meant to say is I did a 6 pill reduction in one day and got really sick---but I had still taken 9. Not all at once, 2 in the morning, 5 around 4pm and then 2 more at 9:30 pm. I was at 15 vics on Saturday, then dropped down by 6 pills on sunday and monday-and got super sick when I dropped down.
   So, the question there I guess was-is it normal to get that sick even if you have taken 9 vics throughout the day? After a sudden drop of 6 pills, should I be feeling terrible, even though I still had 9--see what I'm sayin?
   And yeah, I rarely ever take any sedatives, but I do have some(klons, prescribed for anxiety-stopped takin em awhile back, but now that I'm kickin vics I find them useful to sleep). But vics are my major malfunction-for sure. Theyre running me, and I need out.
   Lotsa Love, lemme know whatcha think! Lori
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It's hard to say what made you sick.  I doubt it was the pills if you're used to downing 15.  Going to 9 is a good step.  Is that 3 - 3x's a day or 9 at once?  Don't laugh, I was taking 6 or 7 at one time for awhile.  Too much tylenol, though.  That made me sick.  If you're taking vast amounts of vic's at one time, the tylenol will really make you sick.  Adderall and now sedatives - wow, you've got a regular supply house going on there.  I would look into the suboxone if I were you and out of the vic's.  The withdrawals are just awful (putting it mildly).  Unless you have the time and wherewithal to go through a hard withdrawal.  I don't wish that on anybody.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good morning. Worried, sorry you've had such a tough year and congrats for staying on track! Or getting back on track? Either way you've done great and I appreciate your words and welcome.
  Fergman, thanks for the info on serequol. I guess I'll just talk to my doc about it and see what he thinks, but if it's not a detox thing, it doesn't really make sense...of course whatever helps me sleep is a good thing.
  Also hi, Pharma9!
   So heres my deal today. I went from 15 saturday to 9 pills sunday to 9(7.5 vics) yesterday. Then ran out till today(I'm still tapering this week cause I wanna see my doc and clean and stock my home)--By last night I tried to eat, a peice of white bread, one of those green juice drinks(like veggie powder that you mix with water, and a small glass of drinkable yogurt. Everything came up. I took 2 sedatives and managed to sleep very fitfully. Then woke up this morning and got violently ill....IS THIS NORMAL?
  Because the way I see it, that nonsense should still be in my system, right? Too fast of a taper? Whats going on?
  I'm waiting for what is to be my last supply and I'm completely miserable. Can you guys just tell me if thats normal, or what? I don't feel like I should be this sick yet? But I am...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Gosh...great words of wisdom..Your positive attitude helps a lot of things.Yup..things always work out somehow if one makes it so.So glad you are coping well without anything but your own strength.Keep it up and luv that positive attitude.
Bitterness and envy gets one no where and can eat one up and contaminate everything.
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
Glad u got off lurking status and posted  (:  Welcome and keep posting with us

I had the same type thing happen to me last year..2009 was the worst year of my life and I was so relieved to see the new Year come..almost lost my dad at Christmas..he is still on oxygen and worry he will not get off of it//it makes him less active and he withers when idle//like me i guess...lost my fiance/good riddance (he didnt die or OD) just left me for his x-wife after quitting my 10 yr job to move with him as he was laid off/almost lost my dad..lost alot of money due to the x incident,...due to a bad decision, my family turned on me//for a while as family usually comes back/and they did but there is a strain still remaining btw my dtr and I//found a friend near death after laying in her home seizing 13 hours from drug overdose and she has brain damage//lost everuythig she owned first tho....Had it not been for my great group of friends and this forum..i wouldnt have made it thru....I stopped posting//ran to Destin and went underground..the forum called me out...I was so ashamed and felt so stupid

Life has a funny way of throwing so much crud at peeps at once//it is hard not to relapse sometimes..or use...I do think some people have more than their fair share of curve balls thrown at them in a lifetime than others..just my observation and not feeling sorry for myself..since i was so faithful..LOL..i no supply anymore to get drugs...had told my doctors and had cut my dealer off long ago..so what did i do???turned to alcohol....went down for a few weeks but got back up again..it hurt too bad to think

But life also has a funny way of turning out for the best in the long run for me...and hoping nuttin else happens bad this year...dad is here, glad my x went back to his redneck x, have a great job and making much better money..my mom and i had a huge riff and think my dad getting sick helped that rift and made us closer//my dad never turned away from me//never once...life is good...and all i can do is be happy bout that i guess...and u will be happy too..very soon
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Avatar universal
I took seroquel for a time and found it to be like catmagnet.  My legs would become restless and my feet started twinging.  It was a very uncomfortable feeling plus it didn't help me sleep at all.  I was glad to get off it.  Some people swear by it, but I don't.  I think the best remedy is to try it yourself to see what the reactions are.  It's not a detox or tapering drug, so I don't want you to think it is.  It's an old time antidepressant that was replaced by the newer drugs.  It's primarily prescribed for sleep is my understanding.  I just wish I could take some old fashioned barbituate like seconal, but that's not available anymore.  So I struggle with sleep until it gets better.  Good luck.
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Avatar universal
Thanks to all of you! I've very glad I joined this forum!
  Catmagnet-whats tychardia? And Hydrofoiled, I live right by Auburn Hills, so I'll be sure to give a shout out from you next time I'm there.
  Karl-best wishes to you too man! Were all in this together, and thats a comfort.
     Thanks again for the advice and warm welcomes!. Lotsa Love, Lori
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Welcome to the forum!!
  I am tapering off methadone (at low doses).Doc ofered me suboxone and I said no,to many bad stories.Dont go there ,in my opinion,it has a long half life which means it takes a long time to clear out of your system= longer stronger withdrawals in most people.Just like methadone. Please take time before you switch,, to listen to users.
                                             Best wishes karl
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
YES MY FRIEND,MAKE A RUN FOR THE ROSES!! THE RIDE THROUH THE DETOX DANGER ZONE IS SOOOOOO WELL WORTH IT!......SALUTE THE PALACE OF AUBURN HILLS FOR ME!!
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429432 tn?1343594190
I was given 600 mg. of seroquel a night when I was in detox. It was supposed to help me sleep, nothing else was really helping. I was also getting Librium and ativan. The Dr. there wanted me to remain on seroquel for at least 6-8 months after discharge. Unfortunately, it seemed to make me feel more agitated than relaxed, and it made me have constant tachycardia...but some people have had good results. It just wasn't for me.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
  Ha! Thanks! Thats a very nice welcome! And also good advice! Thanks, my good man.
    Yeah, I think the smartest way to go about this is to get the right tools first. Suffer as little as possible. Otherwise, you know how easy it is to just get back to square one...I need to "run for it" indeed!
    Congrats to you! Awesome job! And again, thanks for sayin what up!
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Avatar universal
WELCOME MOTOWN THE BIG 313!!!!!  ALL I CAN SAY IS STUDY THE HEALTH PAGES, GET WHAT YOU NEED BEFORE YOU SPANK THAT MONKEY.AND IT HELPS IF YOU HAVE THE FUNDS TO PAY UP YOUR BILLS AND HUNKER DOWN FOR A COUPLE WEEKS.PUT OFF RESPONSIBILITIES AND MAKE A RUN FOR IT! THE HELL GOES AWAY SOONER THAN U KNOW.I QUIT ON 1-7-10 I FEEL LIGHTER,CLEANER,VISION CLEARER,STOPPED WEEZING AND STOMACH GROWLING IN BED.ONLY REGRET IS NOT GETTING IT OVER SOONER.U CAN DO IT TOO! WERE HERE TO RECIEVE YOU..KEEP POSTING
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
  Yeah, I'm still debating it. I just read some really crazy withdrawl stories in the health pages of this forum about it....you were fine? That's awesome...I know that stuff is crazy pricey too(I don't have insurance), but if it works it would save me money in the long run.
  6 weeks for you and you just didn't feel sick after?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Suboxone was like a miracle drug for me.  I was on numerous perc's, fetanyl patches and morphine.  Did 6 weeks of suboxone and was off all including the suboxone.  Guess it's different stuff for different people.  I would look into it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
   Does anyone have an opionion about serequel to detox? I've been wondering about that as a last ditch effort. I hear it would pretty much make me sleep through withdrawls...I dunno.....sorry if this question is outta line, but I saw alot of posts about usung clonodine and other things. So far nothing about serequel.
Helpful - 0
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