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4804873 tn?1360162537

Hope this posts..

Hello all-
I just wrote a long detailed post, only to see that it didn't post! Maybe for the better as it got to be quite wordy and long. Lol. Going to make long story short. I'm a 41 year old married mommy to a 3 year old. I was taking 1-2 10 mg percocet a a day for about a year and a half for chronic pain and migraines that wouldn't respond to alternative meds. Well before I knew it, I tried not to take any one day, and felt terrible until I broke down and did take one. Then i I realized I was addicted. Fast forward to nov '12. My father is diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer after chemo failed. This broke my heart and to stay strong and deal with it, I found myself increasing my dosage. ESP to keep from completely breaking down in front if him while trying to comfort him while he was in tears. I'm all he has. I have a sister who is barely helping.  The one traveling back and forth on a 6 hour drive, setting up his hospice, dealing with heart break over and over. Now I wake up in withdrawal and have to take a pill to get out of bed and not be sick. I have withdrawals if I don't take a pill soon enough. I don't even know what's going on with my body at this point. I feel like crap at this point. The Percs used to help but now it just feels like I'm hurting either way. I want to be done with this...
6 Responses
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1827057 tn?1397520277
Sorry you are having to go through this and sorry about your father.That's what the pills always do.They stop working and start making you feel worse.The energy and drive they once gave you,they now are taking all of that back.Then you just take them so your not sick.There are alot of supportive people on this site who can help.It can be done and you can get back to the life you had before them.Just keep posting and let us know how you are.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hiya! wow that's crazy how this place is.i too am a mom to a three year old.he is the love of my life.i love that i can help out with my two cents.for a while i thought my situation was isolated.not true.so i dont know what is appropriate or inappropriate advice or comment.i am definetly addicted.i say this and breathe.it does affect and will change so many things about you.i loved the energy i got in the beginning.i felt unstoppable,supermom, and i could do things i couldn't do before.but that includes not being able to quit.i am so dependant now,i literally need i perc by my bedside.i've taken them so long i no longer get the energy or rush....instead i get sick for them.i cant function without them.i cry many times because it is now affecting my parenting responsibilities.My mother passed from cancer in 2010,just days before christmas and my father the year before from a blood infection.i used to take away the pain and stresses aswell.but i think its great that you are seeking truths and help and advice.its a start and the pains from quitting do ease up.i"m on day 3 (again).....but still fighting.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello...
First of all, I want to offer my sympathies for everything you are going through with your father, Such an experience is difficult under normal circumstances ... but now you find yourself dependent on your meds. Most people begin taking painkillers for legitimate reasons ... but stay on them long enough and everyone ends up feeling 'stuck' on them, myself included. I have been here before, when I became dependent of oxycotin. I went to rehab in 2007 and I got clean in time - too long a story! Due to chronic back pain, I ended up back on painkillers this past year ... then I broke my leg again and had surgery this past September ... and so on and so forth. Blah,blah,blah ... :-)  The point is, I am going to have to commit to weaning myself down, ever so slowly and steadily until I can 'jump off' and deal with being sick for a while. That's how it works, I know this. That is the road I must travel and no one can do it but me. You however have never been through detox. You may want to check into a reputable rehab facility. If you cannot, for whatever the reason, then weaning yourself down is your only other choice. You didn't mention a husband or significant other. If you have someone you truly trust, I would suggest being completely honest with them. Having a support system is so incredibly helpful ... because hiding one's dependency is so-o emotionally draining!  No one is going to tell you that getting clean is easy ... but your drug is percocet's - believe me, it could be a whole lot worse! I suggest you stay in touch - there is a wealth of good people and information for you here! At some point, when you finally make the decision to start your detox, you are going to need people to reach out too - and I'll be one of them if you'd like! Hang in there ... and know that despite how it's 'feels' ...  you are NOT alone! God bless you sweetheart ... take care!!
Helpful - 0
4804873 tn?1360162537
Thanks for your reply and encouragement-it really really helps!!  I cant go to a rehab center as I have no one to care for my 3 year old.  I am married, he works all the time, but I'm sad to say, I dont trust telling him about how addicted I am.  He knows I take them, but he has no idea how disgustingly addicted I am.  We had a nasty split shortly after our baby was born, and I just cant trust if something were to ever happen he would try and use this against me as far as custody of my daughter is concerned.  Obviously we have some issues...I have confided in 2 of my best friends.  Felt impossible to not tell ANYONE about this, and they have been very supportive about me getting OFF these damn things.  The crazy part, to me anyways, is I've always had a few percocets laying around here and there, and I would save them for when I would have migraines that wouldnt go away with imitrex or anything else.  For years it was like that.  Then I started having more and more break through headaches, neck pain, etc., etc., had MRI's, cat scans, you name it.  Nothing found.  Had a lot of "fibro" symptoms crop up.  never diagnosed with this though.  Wake up with arthritic type aches....tried celebrex., etc.  Anyways eventually get tired of never feeling good, doctors find nothing,  sick of being sick...so I pop a percocet-woola-Im up cleaning, running errands, laughing, feeling great.  Thats how it started.  But now I dont even get those feelings anymore, I take them so I am not a writhing pile of mess.  Ive tried to go 1 day off before, just to see how I felt, and I only made it about half the day and actually felt suicidal!!!  Unbelieveable.  I would NEVER EVER take my life, its just thats how BAD i felt.  The worst EVER.  Took my pill and it all went away.  I cannot imagine how withdrawing from anything stronger must be, I really take my hat off to you for doing it!!  Im not going to lie I'm terrified of the wd's.  I wake up every morning with them now, sometimes in middle of night.  Its just awful.  At this point Im going to have to go through it whether I choose to or not, because my prescription will run out before I can get it filled...I have my sweet little girl's b-day party planned for Feb 16th.  I decided I have to do it and be healthy enough for her party.  I can't risk running out and being too sick to go to my own baby's party!  I'm committing next couple of days to house cleaning then stocking up on groceries, Thomas Recipe ingredients, and then I'm going to have to get the "flu."  I have tried to wean down and then I feel like I go through slight dt's every day, so I figure I will just quit it completely cold turkey.  I know its going to be several days of hell....so glad I can come here for support.  I wish I never did this to myself...
Helpful - 0
4804873 tn?1360162537
So sorry to hear about your parents.  That is just a pain you cannot understand until you go through it..I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best.  Day 3 sounds awesome!  Keep me updated.  Its encouraging to hear.  Knowing you also have a little one at home...Good luck to you!
Helpful - 0
4804873 tn?1360162537
Exactly-the pills made me feel great before.  Now I have to take them so I'm not completely sick..  I no longer have energy, good moods, none of that.  Thats over.  Nowe its just to function..no way to live.  Hate these pills...hoping to start my detox this week.  Gota get house stocked and Thomas Recipe and have to do it.  No more excuses, but I won't lie I'm so afraid of the withdrawals..just the wd's I get in the morning feel so HORRIBLE, and I know thats just the tip of the iceburg,  Almost feel like I need to go to a rehab, but impossible as I have a 3 year old to take care for, and a husband that I honestly cant trust knowing how deep my addiction goes....I just cannot believe I did this to myself.  I was around plenty of street drugs back in my younger "party" days, and saw a lot of people with addictions, and never understood it.  I experimented, but I never could understand how people got "addicted."  Was so happy I had a "non-addictive personality"-HA!  Then I met pain pills....  :(
Helpful - 0
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