Horribly addicted to heroin and oxycontin and trying to stop

[HarperOC]

I tried to detox a few months ago and even posted on here, but failed miserably. Ive been using for four or 5 yrs now, I am 22 and have been wanting to stop for a while but the morning sickness i get from withdrawal has been so horrendous lately that I cant even make it through one day without. Ive never had detoxes like this, i cant even explain the pain. I have been using a lot lately, maybe  400mg of oxycontin and then add in the heroin and it just is killing me. I am so miserable lately. I didnt really notice it til a few weeks ago, but i know i am not hte person i once was. I am so depressed all day, i dont want to do anything, i isolate from all the people who care about me, my thoughts are so impulsive, i am literally self destructing and bringing everything down around me. school, friends, family, money, love, excitement those are all foreign things that i have sacrificed for my "high" . If i am not high i am painfully sick, and i am stuck. and i hate this. i want to change, but dont no if i will ever be able to. I can see things getting so worse lately. I am 22 yrs old and often think that i am going to die soon, if i dont overdose maybe something else will happen but i just feel it lately. i am going down a dark road, 4 yrs ago if youd shown me a picture now of my life i would have laughed and thought you were crazy. i dont know how things became like this but i cant imagine letting this go on for another  5 yrs, and yet i know that it will if i dont die or make a drastic change. the next 4 yrs will go by like these 4 yrs and ill be in a miserable drug haze. its like no matter wat i am miserable but at least when i am high, its manageable, and i cna escape it for a few minutes. And believe me, it didn;t used to be like this, ive never been this kind of person. ive always had an excitement for life, but its gone now. anyways i am sorry to ramble on and on. i will say today is DAY 2, i am in unimaginable pain but i am trying to detox and make a change, because i want so desperately to love life again, and feel, good or bad, but just to feel things, to have relationships with other people, to want to go out and do things, to wake up in the morning and feel rejuvenated and excited for the day not dope sick and deathly, i just want to get some life back in me because i have become vacant and empty and i honestly dnt no how much longer i can go on like this. guess  i thought id post if anyone has been here and can say things can change id love to hear it because my outlook is bleak and i have gone far down this road and it is dark and lonely and i want to change more then anything but it just seems like i will always be condemed to this addiction and all that comes with it.

[sandstone27]

At least it's nearing the end of Day 5 - which means of course tomorrow is Day 6...see how smart I am? :)...All you can do is roll with this now Harper.   It may not seem like it, but you're close to the other side.  Even if nothing sounds good, if you can keep it down, eat anything, and of course force the fluids as well.  Everything else you're feeling is par for the course, and I know you know this, since you've been through it enough.  You don't want to do it again.  Go for a soak in your hottub and relax as much as you can.  Take a xanax when you're ready to try and get some sleep.  Just don't overdo it.  

One last note, you didn't comment on the meeting with the counselor - was she at all helpful to you?

Keep posting - you're almost there...

S.

[HarperOC]

hey todays day 5, still having hard time, lots of wd, but i want to keep trying to get as much time in between last time i used and now. The worst is just the not sleeping, not eating, restlessness - literally nothing sounds good but its even worse just sitting there, anxiety, depression, cold to the bone, then burning hot, sweating, emotionally all over the place, the body aches, and omg my legs hurt so bad i cant keep them still, i want to chop them off, and just overwhelmed with all the wreckage i need to fix. trying not to get so over whelmed tho. and thinking about what i need to do to stay sober, i take in everyones advice and opinions and truly consider/think about it. thnx for support everyone.

[dem214]

How are you doing today.  Please post and let us know.  We care about you and want to see you succeed

[mellie4]

Keep up the good work!!!!  And keep hydrated!!  You can do this.  You have to.

[snakejones]

Hey, darlin'! That's my girl! Sink your teeth into that recovery and hang on like a pit bull. I am beyond thrilled for you, even though I know it's just plain awful sometimes. What are you doing different this time? Are you still getting counseling? Soon you'll feel better and able to come back to the world. I am beyond proud of you, Harper! xox

[HarperOC]

i have made it thru another day sober, tomorrow will be day 5. honestly yes it feels like dying wud be easier then this WD, but it feels good to be able to say another day sober. so i will keep on trying here, i rly dont want to let this go, ive got to do it this time!!