Horribly addicted to heroin and oxycontin and trying to stop

[HarperOC]

I tried to detox a few months ago and even posted on here, but failed miserably. Ive been using for four or 5 yrs now, I am 22 and have been wanting to stop for a while but the morning sickness i get from withdrawal has been so horrendous lately that I cant even make it through one day without. Ive never had detoxes like this, i cant even explain the pain. I have been using a lot lately, maybe  400mg of oxycontin and then add in the heroin and it just is killing me. I am so miserable lately. I didnt really notice it til a few weeks ago, but i know i am not hte person i once was. I am so depressed all day, i dont want to do anything, i isolate from all the people who care about me, my thoughts are so impulsive, i am literally self destructing and bringing everything down around me. school, friends, family, money, love, excitement those are all foreign things that i have sacrificed for my "high" . If i am not high i am painfully sick, and i am stuck. and i hate this. i want to change, but dont no if i will ever be able to. I can see things getting so worse lately. I am 22 yrs old and often think that i am going to die soon, if i dont overdose maybe something else will happen but i just feel it lately. i am going down a dark road, 4 yrs ago if youd shown me a picture now of my life i would have laughed and thought you were crazy. i dont know how things became like this but i cant imagine letting this go on for another  5 yrs, and yet i know that it will if i dont die or make a drastic change. the next 4 yrs will go by like these 4 yrs and ill be in a miserable drug haze. its like no matter wat i am miserable but at least when i am high, its manageable, and i cna escape it for a few minutes. And believe me, it didn;t used to be like this, ive never been this kind of person. ive always had an excitement for life, but its gone now. anyways i am sorry to ramble on and on. i will say today is DAY 2, i am in unimaginable pain but i am trying to detox and make a change, because i want so desperately to love life again, and feel, good or bad, but just to feel things, to have relationships with other people, to want to go out and do things, to wake up in the morning and feel rejuvenated and excited for the day not dope sick and deathly, i just want to get some life back in me because i have become vacant and empty and i honestly dnt no how much longer i can go on like this. guess  i thought id post if anyone has been here and can say things can change id love to hear it because my outlook is bleak and i have gone far down this road and it is dark and lonely and i want to change more then anything but it just seems like i will always be condemed to this addiction and all that comes with it.

[HarperOC]

hi guys i made it thru the night so today is day 2 now. I have some xanax that ive been taking which has been helping a lot it calms me down a little and puts me to sleep for a little too.the wd is still rly bad, this heroin detox compared to my oxycontin detox is os much worse i feel like i am going crazy. but sticking itout. just checkin in. thanks. and yes i no i need to tell ppl but i have told ppl in the past and i just let them down in the end because i can never stay sober as u all have seen here.

[ImDONENoMore]

CONGRATS on the one day!!  GOOD for you!!

Only I would be remiss, harperoc, if I didn't tell you again that I'm worried for you - please don't misunderstand as I am SO proud of you for making it through one day - that's a huge accomplishment.

Only I wish you would find help "in person" and let go of the terrible burden this secret is putting upon you.  Believe me our shame and fear of telling others is SO much worse than the actual event.  Your loved ones will understand and they will give you the support and help you need right now.  Please reconsider allowing someone close to you to help.  NONE of us could do this alone (or very few have).  As long as this remains a secret to your friends and family, it will continue to have full control and power over you.

But we will continue to support you and be here for you no matter what.  And I will remain hopeful for you - because we all know how badly you want this!  Please keep posting because I, like others, worry even more when we don't see you for a while.

[mellie4]

Yay Harper!!!!  You're back in the saddle.  So glad your giving it another go.  Most important is stay hydrated.  Take the supplmenets that ease the withdrawals, and I think for you Imodium would be a good choice to use as you;re going though this.  You can do it.  And we're here for you.  You are stronger than this.  Take a day, an hour, a minute or a second at a time.  Think about the tools you want to use, NA or a counselor or a sponsor.  For right now, just try to stay hydrated and feel better and keep letting us know what's going on!!!  We do care!

[quadracersteve]

Hope this eases some of your worry.  I also do not suffer from depression.     Never have.  When my grandfather passed away, I could not squeeze out one tear at his funeral, or even when my dog died, but would cry like a baby at the dumbest movie when I was detoxing.  Gotta try and remember that your brain is like scrambled eggs right now.  Emotions spike through the roof.  It doesn't know up from down, left from right.  These are symptoms of w/drawing.  I know you don't want to feel like this anymore, so lets make this attempt the one that succeeds.  They do eventually go away.

[snakejones]

Hi there, honey. I'm so glad you checked in with us. We all worry when we don't hear from you. You KNOW we care for you--my comment makes a total of 215! You are loved at this forum. So please write, even if you feel crappy. Share it with us and let us carry a little of your sadness and discomfort. We are here for you, and someone is usually here any time of day or night to encourage and comfort you. Take care, and we'll look for your next post--write soon!

[gnarly_1]

HEY DUDE good to see you post and congrats on making it one day without using thats a start the next few days wil be hard on you but with some discipline and perseverance I know you can make it you got to want it bad so bad your willing to go out of your comfortzone to get it you all ready know what the withdrawals are all about remember fto force the fluids gatoraid is good for this and as I have told you b/4 this is all about attitude keep a positive attitude and this will be uncomfortable loose the attitude and you will suffer it up to you your still hanging with us so you must want it now follow what we tell you and you can have it good luck and God bless........Gnarly