Bill, thanks for you consistent encouragement on this board. Because I let anyone in on what has been going on with me these past months, this is the only place that I've been able to "exhale", so to speak. You said in an earlier post to me that your marriage to your nurse-wife is up to you. By that, do you mean that, time has the ability to heal the hurt, assuming you show yourself to reflect integrity over the long-term? I guess I'm curious if you and your wife live together.
My wife is pregnant and does not speak to me and that is based on her discovering an indiscretion on my part that is not even a speck compared to what has really been going on over the past six months. She honestly could not handle the truth. That is her limitation and my burden to the extent that I have created a "truth" that is unbearable to her. But we are under the same roof and I am beginning a tapering program with the aim of being drug free by the end of September. I've seen time heal wounds before and I'm trusting that this time next year there will be genuine trust and peace in our home.
What did you use for 28 years? Was it consistent use? Your postings are inspirational in that they show that, with time, mental health and joy return. It is the thought that things will always be gloomy and miserable and sickly and cold that sabotages so many of our attempts to quit.
What I meant to say is that, I HAVE NOT been able to let ANYONE know what has been going these past six months.
Good to hear this can be done. I am going on my 5th day of medical detox. I am on clonidine patches and I am tired. My energy level is low but coming back. I keep thinking one pill won't hurt I will feel better and I'll be ok. I know that's ****. I just want to sleep. I checked the side effects of clonodine and it states that tiredness and weakness are normal reactions to this. It's tough but now it;s one hour at a time.
I wish I had a tape of all the conversations I have had
with several doctors about my addictions.Let me say first off my wife and I do live together,for 7 1/2 now.Her job is unbelievable.Last year at this same time I began,once again the secret little lie you speak of.I told no one I was using AGAIN.
I was 16 when I began getting high.Pot alcohol pills lsd
I grew up in a musicians world in the 70's.I am a Bass player and work professionally.Well lets say I use to.I used prescription opiates because first I loved them.You know the addiction of knowing just how many there are in that damn bottle, feeling.My addiction is that I have had a non stop supply of hydro,oxy then methadone.I hate methadone,but I did learn it has saved hundreds of thousands of lives.Though my wife and even before I meat her I was using something.After these years of having a good time
I realized I had a problem.When it effects every preasurable thing in life that is NORMAL,it's a problem.
I told my wife all this on Aug 26th.Ask her to take me to the ER
I was detoxing very bad and felt a lot of guilt because she
never expected me to say hey Im on methadone and I am withdrawing.She did not accept it period.Even though she drove me there and dropped me off.After A few weeks went by we talked
She said either stop,forever or get out.You can imagaine why I had such a bad mental time because I knew I had to stop,period,
no choice.I love my wife and she loves me but if you go back to a earlier post you will find why my wife is not going to live
with a drug user,period.I understood.I had no choice.
But hey,I did it.I am proud of myself.I just pray I have the
will to be clean.I don't even drink.This is STRAIGHT.
man vent on!
Not to mention the financial strain this has put on our family.
My incomed dropped because I wasn't playing this past year.I was using.At the same time I decided to start tapering methadone,6 months ago my wife got a huge raise to do what she does.You can
imagine an hospital full of Doctors and drug seekers.My wife has
no tolerance for narcotics.I was a secret user except for two doctors which I had being playing music with for 2 years.See it was easy to ask them for a suppy route.Their both Pain Manage ment Doctors.Well,Sean Im thru with it.I don't crave and everyday I will do whatever I have to do to save my marriage.That
is the right thing to do!God Bless You and All the Board.
peace and I get to vent too.
ps I hate beepers.It's 24/7.
I forgot to say thank you for replying during my nightmare.Thanks!
i am wondering about you paige and how you are holding out? i have had a horrible time with this but i havnt gave in yet. yesterday was the worst day of my life and i did not sleep last night, my legs were jumping everywhere. i hope you are ok, please let me know how you are!!
bmac i am so proud of you and i want to thank you for being here for me.i cant wait until day 22 comes for me
kell thank you for being here for me and all of your prayers HE is hearing them because i am making it through
thanks to everyone on this board, you are such a big help to me, i couldnt do it without all of your support.
to all going through wd too- youll make it, if i can do it being the weakling i am, anyone can!! best of luck
RIGHT ON! I can't wait until your 22nd day.
I mean that.Peace,
If there is some things you need to say but don't need to say
them in public here is my emil address and that goes for anyone here.
Does anyone know if there are any problems mixing Vicodin and Effexor (an anti-depressant) ?
I just looked at my last post, sorry about all the type o's, I really am sitting here crying my eye's out. I just can't seem to win this damn battle. Anyway, I hope you can make out what I was saying. Keep up the good work. Paige
I've been married for nearly 9 years and there were two "episodes" in the beginning of our marriage when I picked up heroine for a couple of days each. She left me the first time for a while and the second time she just set the record straight: do it again and I'm out (she showed a minimal degree of "mercy" given the fact that I picked up, immediately put it down and told her about it. There were also times after the deliveries of our children that I would steal her percocets. She found out once and let it drop (that kind of left me baffled). But things have changed over the years and she has not one iota of tolerance for anything but a faithful husband and father. Risking her own and her childrens' welfare for something as selfish as her poor pathetically immature husband's desire to avoid regular monotonous living is a crime for which there is no acceptable excuse. Get out. And she's right, of course. I have a coffee mug at my office with all of my family on it. Each smiling face convicts me dreadfully of my betrayal. They all depend on me for their very sustenance. How could I ever look my children in the eyes and explain why it was worth risking the very security of their lives? Daddy really wanted to get a feeling that only pills can provide? That desire was more important than being a good Dad to you?
The ironic thing is, my family's favorite topic over the last several years has been my brother's abandonment of his wife and two children to pursue a morphine addiction. We have loved to hate and condemn him. We have savored the latest details of his unforgivable indiscretions. And yet, for several months I have been committing felonies, forging prescriptions, putting my family at risk. My God, forgive my judgementalism and give me mercy towards all of society's dregs and evil-doers. I am them, or at least, a hairs breadth away, but for His grace....