How Percocet Has Ruined My Life

[joeymer]

I don't even know where to start.... Up until last year I had never even done a drug, now the list of drugs I haven't done is shorter then the ones I have. Actualy comming to this site & posting on it is a incredible step for me as my family has practically no idea - they just believe all the BS I feed them about past due bills and having no $ Etc.. - You know - That old chestnut.... I was completely independent until lovely Percocet 30 came into my life, That warm feeling a small peice gave me - how "in control" I felt of everything. Nothing could stop me & for $25 (NJ Street Price) I could feel like that all night. Combined with a few brewskis & a couple hits of exotic green n I dunno what else could top it. Then reality hit ----- Insuficient Funds, I lost my job, apartment, friends, EVERYTHING. I guess I have to say it -- I'm an addict - damn I never thought I'd ever have to say that cause it use to be completely different & I miss that life so much. The first time I ever did a jawn (slang for perks over this way) I was working PT  undercover security for a National grocery store chain, the manager called me on the phone & asked if I could go grab some pills for him from our sister store. I said sure n he said yo I'll let you get one n you'll feel awesome yo. Well his plans fell through and he asked if I knew how to find drugs, within 10 mins I located a grimey Highschooler eager to make me his next client n I will never ever forget the words "They are awesome" so I order up 3 of these bad boys at a price of $75. They come in and I go to the managers office with em, manager is like yo cut that **** in half n cut that half in half n swallow it. AWESOME! yes best feeling of my life. I was instantly in love, except back then 1 pill lasted like 2 days. So every night we were on the same shift we bought jawns, it really wasn't a financial issue yet, I was hardly addicted. Then it became a financial issue -- one day (4/20) I was convinced into bumping a line of coke -- 15 minutes of my heart racing -- total waste -- dont see how anyone can be hooked on that, BUT that got me over my fear of sniffing things. That night I sniffed my first half of Percocet. AMAZING all over again. Halfs became wholes, wholes became 1.5's - 2, 2.5, 3 etc.... Then I got a loan n spent all $7500 on Percocet :( extremely embarrased. Anyway - now I have a job where I make over $40/hr and every week it lasts 1 day. horrible people I know. I use to be the kid that was the Fireman & EMT for the town. I was a corrections officer, I had company cars since 18. Now I sit @ the airport all night long just scheming for ways to make money or surfing the net on how to get off this devil. Its pretty bad when even the dealer calls them the devil. Im terified to tell my parents - both high school teachers. I don't want anything to do with Suboxone/subutex. I found these herbal detoxing methods on EHow.com Im scared to do anything - I wanna go to my Doc and tell him the truth but it seems everyone I tell the truth either runs and hides, disowns me, never talks to me again. Everyone whos played with this devil knows what happens next - the feeling of wanting to rip out of your skin, hours on the john, no sleep, the sniffles, no eating etc. Im 25, make 89,000/yr n have not 1 penny. I'm tired of it - I wanna be done with it but it is extremely hard. It has ruined my life - I dont care bout anything at all besides Percocet. Bills due?? O well I need money for jawns not bills - thats how my mind works. What the hell am I supposed to do??? I cant do this no more. I hate this **** so much. I can completely understand how people end up in jail, if driven by this devil anything can happen. This is the first time I have been completely honest with this situation. I'm sorry if it is taken harshly but anyone who has been where I am now knows exactly what I am talking about. I want my life back, I wanna wake up n not have to worry about where I'm gonna get $200 for jawns. I dont wanna have to owe hundreads to drug dealers. I want my credit score back in the 800's not chilling in the 4's. Any advice would be nice. I'll do anything about now. I hate everything about what I've done. The pill don't come with a disclaimer and unfortuneately where I live - enough $ gets a dirty doc to write you anything. Yes people that is what runs the Percocet empire. Camden is filled with everything - 1 stop shopping. Boy did I jump around, Im gonna try my hardest and I guess report back. All I can say is - pray for me people I need as many prayers as I can get. All advice is welcome too.

[Merri123]

Great job Joey. And you are now helping others that need help. It was a journey but you made it. Congrats on 10 months. You are on your way. I'm sorry you had to go thru so much to get there. But the journey is what makes you a better person now.

[Chels44]

Hey Dan. We'd be happy to support you through this endeavor. Is it possible for you to provide more informtion for us to go off of;  how many a day were you taking, which ones, time, maybe some more background, etc.
Also, Krissy is right - you need to put up a new post. You'll have a better chance of getting more responses than on an old thread like this one.  There are ALOT of pple going through the same thing on here and are great support. I probably would not have made it here without several of them.
We're here for you Dan and waiting.

(....And of course Krissy and I would be the ones having no problem going through forty comments lol ;)  ).

[Krissy_123]

Hi dandan91,what you're doing is amazing!! You might get a lot more help and feed back if you start your own thread though. This one is very old. :)

[dandan91]

Hey everyone my name.is Danny I'm 23 I have a wife and a  3 yr old girl. It started 2 yrs ago with "oh I'll just try a little bit and see how an oxy feels. Now I'm addicted to 15"s 30"s and any pain med I can get my hands on. I am only happy when I have them I'm broke from them it ruined me and is slowly ruining my relationship. Tonight I have come to tell you all this is my first night I'm choosing cold turkey it's been too long I wanna be happy again and my wife back to happy. Please pray for me and my family. I'm go in for it with cold nd flu drinks and aspirin and clonazepam. I will b posting a lot if someone can help

[clean_in_ks]

How great that you came back and posted an update for us, Joey!!!

MAJOR congrats on your 10 months!  I'm so glad to hear what you are doing and where you are living.  One thing's for sure....your story proves that we never can "go back"....this disease is always progressing waiting to take us out.

I wasn't on MH in Feb 2012...and as I read thru this thread I realized that none of those people (except maybe one or two) are even around anymore.  It'd be great to have you post when you have time....your experience is invaluable to the addict that still suffers.

Keep on keepin on.....and thanks again for re-appearing :):)

[atthebeach]

Congrats on 10  months clean. What a long strange trip it's been...
So happy for you that you made it out of the insanity.
What an update!
I am very proud of you.
Keep up the good work.
Keep on keeping on.
Debbie

[NeedHopeLoveFaith]

Joey, can you tell us more about your journey. This is so exciting to see you made it out. Was the H after your last posts or prior to that? You told an amazing story. I was glued to it and the comments. Please, tell more if you might:) ~La

[VICourageous]

Hi Joe..WOW!!! You did this post back on Feb 2012. I had joined here on Dec 2012 and had 3 months clean already..I have never seen someone come back in there same post like this AND all that you went through to get here.
Very Proud of you and would really like to here all about your experiences to get where you are today..I now am almost in 20m and it has been quite the ride just full of changes and many ups and downs..It is all good to go..
Why don't you start a new post with a UPDATE!! Sound like you went through the ringer for awhile.
Bless
Vickie
PS. Look forward to hearing about your Journey.

[joeymer]

Well everyone it has been a long journey & a complete struggle. I went through about 3 jobs since I last posted, two rehabs, suboxone, 3 arrests, 3 felony charges & now have finally been clean/sober for 10 months. I now work & live 24 hours a day at a long term treatment facility for young men in NC! I just wanted to throw an update on here. The pills led me to heroin. Heroin ruined everything.  Everyone who posted encouragement on here I can't thank you enough!

[brokenspiritandsoul]

Agree with Sonrissa!
This forum is not really about "dealers scamming or honest dealers!". We prefer to focus on how to quit and stay clean!  Do you need help with quitting something?

[Sonrissa]

Ummmm, honest dealers??

[ThunderOKC]

They are not really called "jawns" and the dealers are overcharging scamming. They see ya will pay no matter what and they charge those insane amount. With honest dealers, the pills are so cheap.

[oxyprincess]

I am in the sme situation as you. Stuck out here with two babies addiction to oxy 30s while my kids dad is in rehab for heroin. I on the other hand have not tried to stop because i am absolutely petrified of withdrawal. That and i am so lonely and depressed tht if i dont use i lay in bed and cry all day long. I hate how powerless i am to these pills. My addiction is a secret so i have noone to talk to about it. I hate this.

[day143]

I don't even know where to start I have two beautiful children and a wonderful fiance....he had a problem with percocet before I knew him....I always thought i could save him from his addiction and thought he would change for our family...fast forward two years later I had my daughter and got prescribed percocet from my csection...after my script ran out I asked my fiance to get me some off the street as I knew he could get them....we used together for four months...it got so bad I was taking 11 perc 10s a day...his addiction got so bad he stole off my family...when I caught him stealing off of my grandmother and ponding my Hewlett I had enough of this DEVIL DRUG!...I Told him either go to rehab or I'm moving on with my life...he choose rehab :) 28 days...I got through the withdrawls I will admit I took to subutex small prices under my younger to help me every other day...fast forward 7 days later he's gone in rehab I'm stuck with two kids by myself all alone with the mental part of the addiction...I'm so deppressed without him all I can do is think about this stupid pills and I'm scared I will relapse...I'm scares he will get out and use again...I was sick of being broke and sick all the time for these pills...I know we have a long road ahead of us...I pray we both stay clean so we can live the great life we both want together god please help me...I feel so week towards these pills :,(

[mikeyA215]

well yo goodluck my fiends....but if anyone needs jawns hit me up at 267-945-8392

mike

[conhall]

are you still around can you email me at ***@****

[Sharon0255]

Welcome back me too.

[LostNoMore]

Joe - I hope you're ready soon. I don't want to see you pile up any more consequences. You're a bright guy, you've got a lot going for you. STICK
to your plan. You said it all toward the end of your post..."what do I need to forget or block out?" Getting to the causes and conditions of addiction is the
key. The steps do that, but some prefer therapy or another form of aftercare.
Whatever you decide, just do it. It's worth it. Seriously. Take care.

[soready4]

Joey your story ... I'm just so glad you wrote it, you shared it with us.  We KNOW what you are saying.  We KNOW how much it *****.  I'm well on my way to where you have found yourself...and I am much older.  Damn, don't find yourself my age doing this ****.  
But who am I kidding,  our choices....feel so limited don't they?
I've gotten clean twice.  Both times I felt it was some kind of divine intervention becuase it just sort of was 'the day'.  Do you ever have days when you think, yeah, I could do this today....and don't anyway?  I do, and I hate that.  I pass the opportunity cuase, well, cuase I'm an addict.  
Sorry for rambling....embarrassingly I'm not ready and these kind folks let me hang out here anyway cause I'm an addict who's afraid and feels kind of hopeless.  You are not hopeless young man,  I hear it in your post.  You can do this....I hear it so loud...YOU CAN DO THIS JOEY.  Tears, soready

[Sharon0255]

I'm so grateful I'm reading these posts. Jen I was exactly where you are a few years ago. Today is day 1 again for me. I am trying to end my pain management BS too. I'm doing it in secet. I've put together as much as 45 days and fell off recently. I'm back today and I'm trying to take nothing. I was on Vslium, neurontin, Ambien, flexoril you name it but not today. You can do this one bit at a time. Focus on the opiates first.
As for Joey welcome and we will be here for you thank God you found this site reading your post really helped me today.

[overthepill]

Joey thanks for sharing your story because reading it is making me realize why I quit in the first place.  I was exactly where you are in July 2011, got clean for 5 months, but have now fallen back into 2 months of using.  I took my last pill on Sunday night and - other than interrupted sleep last night - still feel relatively OK 39 hours in with some help from the Thomas recipe.  I'm at work right now.

For the whole 2 months I've been using again, I keep telling myself with each re-up with my dealer that it's the last time.  But each time I run out, I find another excuse to use again.  Thankfully, my dealer was out yesterday and won't have any more until tomorrow.  When she said she was out, most of me was relieved rather than scared. I don't want to fall back to where I was last July after 19 straight months of use.  Getting off was absolute hell and it took me 2 months to start sleeping normally again.

I am praying that tomorrow I can find the willpower to stay away -- by that time will have been 72 hours from my last pill.  Thanks for sharing your story.  I, like you, only used for the high -- never for pain.  Your story has resonated heavily within me.  You know,  once I recovered from all of the financial damage my original binge inflicted on me, I felt comfortable going "back to the well."   I am now falling back down the well.  

Joey you are not alone.  Keep fighting the good fight.

[marycarmel]

I'm a mom of four and I'm begging you to please tell your parents.  They may be shocked or disappointed at first, but they will go to the ends of the earth to help you through this.  I've lived with addiction in my family and my kids saw it with their dad.  I've been fortunate that it hasn't touched them (yet anyway) but I always tell them to remember that there is NOTHING they can't come to me about.  Your parents will never give you bad advice and will be your biggest support.  PLEASE tell them so they can help you through this.

[joeymer]

Demons they are. The dealer once told me that, he said - we chose to do them in the beginning but now they chose us to ruin our lives. N he was right. Some of you may be surprised to learn that my education level ends with high school - I have worked full time every single day since. Not one day of college, pretty much just worked my way up in my field and finally landed a once in a lifetime job that is extremely rewarding. Only problem is - I can't enjoy any of it cuz its all spent on jawns. I make as much as my parents do and they've been teaching high school for 25 years. But that's neither here nor there - this has been a tough weekend, I awoke today hot as hell & drenched in sweat. I was out late the night before with a buddy @the local bar so I was sleeping late. I had plans tonight with another friend at the bar so I decided to try and just power thru it n use a crumb of suboxone if I needed it. Well I did need it - my entire body was in full withdrawal, I hate that so much. I took the smallest piece of sub I could break off and it did offer some relief but not for long. We didn't stay long at the bar and I found myself back home rather quickly,  well I did stop at Rite Aid first and grabbed some sleeping pills to knock me out. Got home and was sitting with my mom & dog really wanted to try and talk to her about it but she was in such a great mood n was asking me what I wanted for my birthday dinner tomm night cuz we celebrating it tomorrow instead of Monday so its easier for the family to come. She was really happy because her & dad had gone out to dinner n all. Anyway I couldn't do it to her and to every mom & dad on here -- I can't even begin to tell you how hard it is for a son or daughter to come to tell their parents - it eats at me every single day. Its the hardest mental battle my brain has ever had. A lot is processed when thought about telling them such as : will they ever trust me again, will they force me to go somewhere, how will they look at me from now on, who will they tell, what happens next, & will they ever let this go? Its just hard guys & gals. I actually have secretly hoped I would get arrested with some on me just so it would be simpler to explain that to them. Well I guess it wouldn't be simple ... it would just force me to have to have it out there. Sorry I have been away for a few days --- it was my birthday Monday and things have been busy with side work with me & I've been going non stop. I have not forgotten bout all of you though -- I've been working hard to get myself tapered to the lowest possible amount bearable. I often tell myself that no matter what w/d is gonna suck & hurt n honestly we will probably all agree that most of the time that is our driving force that keeps us using and justifying our addictions. Simply put - I can come up with any reason to sniff a pill. What I need to do is figure out why I need to do that - what is it that I need to forget or block out? I think when I get those answers a lot will be easier and I wont need to be chained down by these Damn things no more. The sad thing is -I have seen first hand where this path leads. When working as a C/O I met many ppl that were in their for drug related crimes. I could never understand how something could lead to incarceration. Well I sure can now, I get it 100% I get how ppl hold places up or rob people. Its ashame I had to find things out this way but I guess its life &my fate. Must have been some reason why I went down this path. I just hope I get the hell off it real real soon.

[sharlola35]

Hi Joey.  Vicodin ruined my life.  I lost my nursing license am facing 11 felony charges all while trying to single parently raise my four sons.  We are now on welfare and struggle to pay every bill.  Never thought I would turn out this way.  My sadness is overwhelming some days, but I can say I have not had Vicodin in over a year.  Still sometimes crave it, but not much.  Good Luck to you, those Percocets are nasty demons too.  God Bless