Aa
How did I get here....?
Where to begin.... Well I am 26 yrs old and I am addicted to percocets. It starred about 6 months ago when I had gotten into a car accident and was sent to a pain management dr. Which prescrbed me the pain killers. He gave me 90 10 mg pills a month which never lasted and I would end up buying them off the streets until my next visit to he dr. He was very skeptical of giving them to me in the first place being as I'm such a young girl but the pain is unbearable and I had no choice however I absolutely was abusing them because I couldn't get enough of that wonderful feeling they were giving me hence the running out of pills.
Slowly my life started changing... I didn't want to do ANYTHING, slept till 1pm every day, dreaded even just going to the store to buy cigarettes (another new habbit) I would just lay on the couch and watch tv alllllll day long. I gained about 10 lbs and noticed some serious mood swings and then came to the conclusion that this can no longer go on. But it was too late.... They got me already! I would try to taper but was getting very depressed and then would actually have to take them for pain and it would screw everything up. See this is the messed up part, I really do take them for pain but I want out! Bad! I want to be in control of my life again! So every week for the past month I have said ok this is the week I'm going to stop and I would start to take suboxone to get off these things but everytime I decided today is the day I couldn't handle the back and knee pain that I have so I would say ok tomorrow. Well, tomorrow finally came! Sunday evening at 10pm was my last dose of percocet, of course I overindulged bc I couldn't help myself but think why not? It's going to be my last time. So I got a nice buzz and flushed the rest down the toilet giving me no other option but to stop. So I woke up already feeling slight wd's but tried to stay focused. I went to work at 5pm and finished up by 12am. I felt pretty crappy but besides running to the bathroom and sweating alot it wasn't too bad. When I got home I was still scared to take the suboxone bc I've heard if you take it too soon it put you into immediate wd's. So by 1am which was a full 27 hrs I felt I was safe and took 4mg of suboxone and like magic within 10 mins I felt brand new! I'm glad I made this decision however I have many concerns which is why I'm here. One would be am I just substituting one addiction for another or can I take the suboxone for 3 days and stop without feeling terrible? I don't want to take them I want to be done with everything! Will I feel widthdrawal when I stop if I only take them 3 days? And then my other concern is the pain I'm in... Is there anything I can take that is not going to take control of my life? The pain is pretty bad so I'm really worried I won't be able to work without that burning throbbing pain in my back and my knees... I mean is it possible to be able to only take the painkillers when I'm having a bad day or am I now considered an addict that can not touch these things??? I'm so scared of what is to come. I feel lost... Any input here would be more than appreciated... I really have no one to talk to bc I'm scared of being judged and looked at differently by the people in my life that know me as the strong minded, independent control freak in the family... Might sound stupid but I can't help the way I feel and the only word that comes to mind to explain that would be sad and vulnerable. Thank you in advance to anyone who will take the time to help a lost girl...
Slowly my life started changing... I didn't want to do ANYTHING, slept till 1pm every day, dreaded even just going to the store to buy cigarettes (another new habbit) I would just lay on the couch and watch tv alllllll day long. I gained about 10 lbs and noticed some serious mood swings and then came to the conclusion that this can no longer go on. But it was too late.... They got me already! I would try to taper but was getting very depressed and then would actually have to take them for pain and it would screw everything up. See this is the messed up part, I really do take them for pain but I want out! Bad! I want to be in control of my life again! So every week for the past month I have said ok this is the week I'm going to stop and I would start to take suboxone to get off these things but everytime I decided today is the day I couldn't handle the back and knee pain that I have so I would say ok tomorrow. Well, tomorrow finally came! Sunday evening at 10pm was my last dose of percocet, of course I overindulged bc I couldn't help myself but think why not? It's going to be my last time. So I got a nice buzz and flushed the rest down the toilet giving me no other option but to stop. So I woke up already feeling slight wd's but tried to stay focused. I went to work at 5pm and finished up by 12am. I felt pretty crappy but besides running to the bathroom and sweating alot it wasn't too bad. When I got home I was still scared to take the suboxone bc I've heard if you take it too soon it put you into immediate wd's. So by 1am which was a full 27 hrs I felt I was safe and took 4mg of suboxone and like magic within 10 mins I felt brand new! I'm glad I made this decision however I have many concerns which is why I'm here. One would be am I just substituting one addiction for another or can I take the suboxone for 3 days and stop without feeling terrible? I don't want to take them I want to be done with everything! Will I feel widthdrawal when I stop if I only take them 3 days? And then my other concern is the pain I'm in... Is there anything I can take that is not going to take control of my life? The pain is pretty bad so I'm really worried I won't be able to work without that burning throbbing pain in my back and my knees... I mean is it possible to be able to only take the painkillers when I'm having a bad day or am I now considered an addict that can not touch these things??? I'm so scared of what is to come. I feel lost... Any input here would be more than appreciated... I really have no one to talk to bc I'm scared of being judged and looked at differently by the people in my life that know me as the strong minded, independent control freak in the family... Might sound stupid but I can't help the way I feel and the only word that comes to mind to explain that would be sad and vulnerable. Thank you in advance to anyone who will take the time to help a lost girl...
Hi,
I didn't read through all of the responses here so bear with me if I am repeating what others may have mentioned.
It sounds like you were off a few days? If so, you have to try and be patient and give it a bit more time. It is very possible you are experiencing pain from the withdrawal or rebound pain. That is normal and many of us who have legitimate pain find that our pain level does get better once we are off of them for a time. It is hard to wait to find out if that is the case but if it is then there are alternatives. I suffer with chronic and debilitating pain every day but I have found some things that help ease the pain. Some days it is bad, some it is not. But not being on the pills is worth every pain I have.
If you can hang in there and give it a little more time without anything, then make the decision about your pain level and see what you can do from there. I just hate to see you go back on the meds at such a young age and you find out 30 years from now that the pills have destroyed organs and muscle an tissue, etc. And they will eventually do that. If you can find an alternative now...do it.
Let us know how you are doing. You are in my thoughts.
I didn't read through all of the responses here so bear with me if I am repeating what others may have mentioned.
It sounds like you were off a few days? If so, you have to try and be patient and give it a bit more time. It is very possible you are experiencing pain from the withdrawal or rebound pain. That is normal and many of us who have legitimate pain find that our pain level does get better once we are off of them for a time. It is hard to wait to find out if that is the case but if it is then there are alternatives. I suffer with chronic and debilitating pain every day but I have found some things that help ease the pain. Some days it is bad, some it is not. But not being on the pills is worth every pain I have.
If you can hang in there and give it a little more time without anything, then make the decision about your pain level and see what you can do from there. I just hate to see you go back on the meds at such a young age and you find out 30 years from now that the pills have destroyed organs and muscle an tissue, etc. And they will eventually do that. If you can find an alternative now...do it.
Let us know how you are doing. You are in my thoughts.
2 pills is not the end of the world. It doesn't mean going back to square one either.
You can just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep on going!
Gnarly coped with severe pain during withdrawal, and I'm sure he will be along with further advice.
You've done far too well to give up, so stay with us!
Thinking of you
You can just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep on going!
Gnarly coped with severe pain during withdrawal, and I'm sure he will be along with further advice.
You've done far too well to give up, so stay with us!
Thinking of you
Thanks for the encouragement guys! Its so nice to know I don't have to feel embarrassed coming back here. Well I didn't take any more, I left it at those 2 and am starting another day.... Another day of pain without meds. I'm not gonna lie though... I'm startingg to think maybe I'm better off taking them... either way with or without the pills I'm miserable but at least with them I'm not in physical pain. This has to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.... I am losing my enthusiasm and my pain is getting worse... I keep praying but.... nothing. Does anyone have a similar story to mine with the pain that you succeeded and would be willing to share? I need to hear some success stories lol I need to get my enthusiasm back.
You are not a failure. In life we fall down many times but the strong ones pick themselves up. Do not leave this site or feel like anyone would ever be upset or judge you over that. I tried quitting so many times its ridiculous. Each time I returned to this site the community greeted me with open arms. You can do this, like the other's say you only lost a battle but you have not lost the war. I always like to think of an American Icon G. Washington. You know that he lost most of his BATTLES in the beginning but he ended up winning the WAR! Let's try again my friend. It will not be as bad as what you went through if you stopped with only those two!
Hi Wishing,
Please don't beat yourself up about this, and come back on line ASAP.
We're still behind you,and will be waiting to try and support you through this.
Thinking of you.
Take care
Please don't beat yourself up about this, and come back on line ASAP.
We're still behind you,and will be waiting to try and support you through this.
Thinking of you.
Take care
HI.....first off your not a failure .....you lost a battle in a war...you dident loose the war and if you stop now you wont have set yourself back much....I will be the first to tell you this is hard to do...it takes a few trys for some people so dont give up....its tuff when your in pain
but soon you will be looking for that buzz if you keep using....I know your out of your comfort zone with meetings but they really do help.....right now your crushed emotionally in your mind you failed at something you really tryied hard at...if strong will could do this it would be ez but strong will alone is not enough.....addiction is cunning and baffling we do things that dont make sense...if you remember I was the one that told you this was 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental its often the mental part that brings us to our knees ...please trust me and get some outside support whatever kind you choose this forum is huge for all of us but it dosent replace in person help...if you keep it up you will have thrown all you worked so hard for away...if you get up dust yourself off use this as a learning experience you will have gained knowledge on the enemy ...im so sorry I forgot to tell you get rid of all the pills around you...if there there ....you will use them...I cant even look at a prescription bottle sitting there without being tempted ...try not to get to discouraged tomorrow is another day and we do this one day at a time...just for today...I suffer with a chronic bad back...pain is a really BIG trigger for me to use....I get past it now but its still hard...YOU CAN DO THIS...start over tomorrow will still be here and you will beat this thing...I will say a prayer for you...good luck and God bless......Gnarly
but soon you will be looking for that buzz if you keep using....I know your out of your comfort zone with meetings but they really do help.....right now your crushed emotionally in your mind you failed at something you really tryied hard at...if strong will could do this it would be ez but strong will alone is not enough.....addiction is cunning and baffling we do things that dont make sense...if you remember I was the one that told you this was 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental its often the mental part that brings us to our knees ...please trust me and get some outside support whatever kind you choose this forum is huge for all of us but it dosent replace in person help...if you keep it up you will have thrown all you worked so hard for away...if you get up dust yourself off use this as a learning experience you will have gained knowledge on the enemy ...im so sorry I forgot to tell you get rid of all the pills around you...if there there ....you will use them...I cant even look at a prescription bottle sitting there without being tempted ...try not to get to discouraged tomorrow is another day and we do this one day at a time...just for today...I suffer with a chronic bad back...pain is a really BIG trigger for me to use....I get past it now but its still hard...YOU CAN DO THIS...start over tomorrow will still be here and you will beat this thing...I will say a prayer for you...good luck and God bless......Gnarly
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