How did this even happen? So depressed! :(

[FairyDust25]

I just dont know when or even how this got so bad.

So as I have posted before I have fibromyalgia and was taking ultram for pain and got addicted to it. Well I ran out of the ultram but had some vicodin and then I started taking that which I know is a terrible thing to do but whats done is done. So now I only have 3 pills left and I am going crazy. My legs are so restless, my mood is terrible, I'm so irritable I feel weak. I dont even know how I got so hooked on this crap and I hate it so much. It makes me feel so bad. I have never done any drugs growing up I dont even smoke cigarettes and here I am posting about a drug addiction I feel physically and mentally terrible. Plus we are in the process of moving and I dont even feel like I can get up let alone move boxes. I'm so depressed! :( I dont have anyone to talk to because I have confided in no one because my family would not understand. I dont have any friends and the only one who knows is my husband and hes not being too nice to me right now. (although thats my fault because I told him to leave me alone cuz my mood is terrible) I'm just so lost I dont know what to do :(

[FairyDust25]

Thank you for all your responses.. it really does help....

el_em_en_oh : I dont like to think of my self as an addict... it actually makes me sick to my stomach that I even got myself into this. I just like to think of myself as a girl with a big problem due to pain. I am trying so hard to fix this and I think I can do it. It might take a few times and I might fail at first but sooner or later I know it will happen for me! I WILL be me again! :)

[el_em_en_oh]

How did you get hooked? You're an addict my friend, plain and simple.

All of us here (well, most all of us anyway) are addicts in one form or another, and we've all wondered the same thing at one point:

"How on earth did I get here?"

The simple answer is that we're genetically predisposed to addiction & addictive tendencies. If it wasn't Ultram (tramadol) or Vicodin, it would have more than likely been something else.

Congratulations on your decision to get clean, whether forced or willingly, and keep posting on MH. We're all in this together, and together we gain & gather the strength to keep moving forward.

[Cris718]

sweetie.....I can feel your pain right as if we were sitting eye to eye.  Honestly.....

But you know what?  Your not alone....I know you feel tired and scared.......and really lonely, and I'm really sorry that you don't have anyone to talk to and vent to.  go easy on your husband.....he's probably not mad at you, like you said, just doing what you ask.  We always tend to take out our frustrations on the ones we love the most.  But, i'll tell you what...there are a lot of really great supportive people here on this forum, and they understand your struggle and frustrations, so just let it all out on here, and let us lift you out if we can with just encouraging words.

Just don't go backwards....let those 3 pills run out......and go see your doctor about other ways to deal with you condition.  but if you have to be ready to take that step into taking your life back......

I really hate that your having to deal with moving while all this is going on.....feel ya there also......I have 2 papers due in school....and it is wearing me down....LOL So i am trying to learn how to deal with life's pressures without popping my pills.....

We're pulling here for you......many prayers being sent up for you....

Sincerely
Cris~

[sickofthesedamnpills]

You can get through this i know it. Ive been taking norco for 2 years and recently would go through 100 pills in 7 days. I finally went cold turkey 3 days ago. The first two were absolutely horrible. I still feel horrible like my intestines are twisted, easily agitated, unbelieveably weak and can see that my mind is spun. but after having a horrible morning i just felt the sun on my back and then looked across the mountains and noticed things i havent really seen since this whole thing started. I could feel what it was like to be me again. You will get through this and it will be wonderful. Stay with the forums so you have support and can see that you are not alone going through this.

[sad1258]

Hang in there I have been there...thinking of you and knowing you will get through it!!

[Cantdothisanymore]

its very hard but it happrens to the best of us, mom's - dad's - teachers- regular people that you work with. you see - they prescribe these things when we get hurt or injured and they take the pain away - all the pain - not just the physical pain so we abuse them, and use them to hide from the everyday struggles in life. it's noone fault. it just happens. and we are left to deal with it. and if we dont deal with it,the viscous cycle continues and they control our lives. i hope your  one of the lucky ones who can break way from the cycle. I pray that you are.

[Lindsay_T]

Hi there! How lonely you must feel, especially with a big life event hanging over you - moving! You need to know tho, you are not alone. I am with you. I am tired and bitchy and don't want to do anything either.
But guess what? The pills tore up my natural motivation. They tore it right out of my life. You will eventually regain a new rythym and a new zest. That's what I'm aiming for.
I took my last vicodin on July 7. I am almost 30 days free!! So, I have had to stare the monster down several times and I am sure it'll keep going like this for a long while.
Don't give up! Keep us in your thoughts and remember we are struggling alongside you.
~Lindsay