How do I get off hydrocodone and alcohol

[ang266]

I'm a mother of three and a wife.  They have no clue that I'm addicted.  I have been taking them for several years now (6-8 yrs or more).   It all started with a foot surgery, then a couple of other minor surgeries and from there it's been downhill.  I found myself taking them for every little pain I would have.  At one time I was taking up to 4 per day.  I know that doesn't sound like much...but I knew I was in trouble when i started taking them and I wasn't even hurting.  I have attempted to quit several times.  Now I'm taking 1/day sometimes 2.  I'm taking the strongest ones.  I also have picked up on my drinking.  I have a wonderful family and I just don't want to hurt them.  I really don't have anyone I can talk to.  I am that person everyone looks up to.  Everyone sees me as someone I'm not.  They think everything is peachy in my world!  That's a Lot of pressure...I just feel like a hypocrite.  Please help...I am so desparate to stop it.  It does nothing for me anymore...I just take them to feel normal.  I really hate the way I feel after taking them...guilt and shame!!!  Thanks in advance for your help.

[ang266]

Ok...(((tears))). I love you guys already.  I feel so blessed. I will look up that number. Bless you.

[VICourageous]

You just hang on to that surf board and ride the wave,,You will hit up on the beach soon and be able to walk in the sand again..As far as a meeting they are all over..I live in N Idaho in the boons..You can look up the number in your area and they will tell you were to go..Once you get in then you will get a schedule of all the meetings.I have not drank in 8yrs but my opiates/methadone took it place..I do go to both meetings..My best one is AA....I wish you the best..And remember that this Journey was not meant to be walked alone...OK

[ang266]

Thanks for that experienced. I really appreciate your post. I don't care how long it is. I took in every word. As for will my husband understand?  Yes he will but I just don't want to stress him out. I really don't want to tell anyone. I feel awful enough as it is. Maybe one day I will get enough courage but until then will keep reaching out on this site and getting all I can from you guys. I'm still praying and believing that I will and can from you guys. I'm tired and I just want out. I'm tired of the guilt and shame. Ready to come out of this fog. God bless you all and thank you many times over. Oh and I live in the country and there are no meetings near me as far as I know.  I will check around though cuz I really need help.  Praying for you as well.

[bamamomma2009]

I am in the same position...wonderful husband, perfect 3 year old boy, loving family...no one knows what it up with me. The guilt is unbearable...

[experienced214]

O boy i didnt know it was gonna be that long of a post. Sorry everyone ..

[experienced214]

Hello,sorry u r going through this alone its very hard without the right support. It can be done i know first hand both ways. I was 13 years old when i started using drugs like weed,acid and alot of drinking. Then around 16 i met bigger badder drugs and fell hard . When i was 18 i found out i was going to be a mom.I seeked help at a methadone clinic for expecting woman, I was ok for a minute . Then when my son was 1year, 1month,1week, 1day, his father did a suicide by the police thing,got himself shot to death. I think thats what it was i will really never know. At that moment i was not ok anymore for a very long time still have hard days.. Then finally something clicked in my head and i knew i had to try again, still on methadone this whole time. So about 4 years later also still not ok but had to try.Jjust want to point out my kids have always been cared for no matter what i was going through. Emotionally im not always there like i should be. Anyways  a year later i married had my second child the marriage didnt last.So back on my own again but with a another son . I still wasnt using the street drugs just all my prescriptions . But i did relapse a few times its part of the process but its a great sign that u r getting that sick ashamed feeling. Cause if u didnt u might not change it. I dont have all the answers but i do have alot of knowledge on drug abuse and recovery. 18 years of therapy 1 to 2 times a week and 25 years of drug abuse to all drug familys. When i say 25 years i get that sick feeling so yeah relapse is hard but if u chose not to give into the drug .When u chose not to take it that day and u make it to tomorrow without it . Its a good feeling u get even if u r the only one who knows. Back to topic so about 3 years ago me and my current husband (best man ever) decided it was time to get off methadone. I brought my dose down over time down to 30 mgs. And i went on suboxzone. I hated it i missed going to clinic i miss the people i still do sometimes.And then about a year ago my friend of 25 years comes over and gives me a bottle of adderall she said only take half. Needless to say i have another battle ahead of me . But this is different it has brought all my old feelings back. Like not caring some days, started going to bars and getting **** faced partying like a 21 year old. My poor husband i have been putting him through hell. No one knows what to think not even me.But this chick i was hanging out with told him i was taking adderall. He dont understand addiction enough to know i take it daily. I need to tell him so he can help me cause the mood swings, rage i feel inside is scary. So maybe u should tell him is he a good man? Do u think he would understand? There is alot of programs out there they could  help him understand . If u dont want to do that u could cut a pill in half for 3 days or so then cut in half again. Cause now its just a comfort for u there will not be any physical w/d its mental now. U might feel like u have a cold and not alot of energy. Dont drink to feel better its just a bandaid and hurts when removed to slow. Drinking can bring out the worse in people. U have options out there, start therapy they cant tell no one by law. Also they say working out helps the feel good chemicals come back on their own. Or tell ur doc u need antidepress meds . Its normal to feel like something is missing and u need it. Maybe start a hobby u have to find what works for u everyone is different. As far as pretending ik about that one im always at the schools or helping at the sports my kids do. Its like im a fake person living five different lifes .I need to go back to therapy but my therapist of 13 years died 6 months before i left clinic. god i need her now i miss her so much. When u do get off them dont let doctors give them to u there is other meds just tell them nothing addicting .And know what ur triggers are " what makes u want to get high" somehow fix them triggers or get them out. Dont confuse them with real life things that are normal. Cause right now u r emontional and confused like ur family stress is not a trigger its just hard to deal with now. For me triggers were some friends i used to get high with or driving to 8 mile and seeing the dope man. I dont have them feeling no more at first i missed it then a sick feeling, now nothing i dont even think about when im in the city.I promise things will get better if u stop it might take a min before u see it . Oh and stop beating on ur self u r wasting time it wont help we are our worse enemy when it comes to that. Spend that energy on getting better. I have never done this posting before but im here to try to help u can take ur life back try to remember who u use to be . U r lucky if u can so take it back  before u cant remember..

[VICourageous]

Hi and Welcome..I have seen many, many Blessing on here..I was going to say the same thing as Clean-in-ks..That information I have here at home saves my behind today..They have a lot of videos on this you can order too..Also I know you are involved in the church, a lot of us are..BUT I highly recommend what Gnarly mentioned too. AA/NA..It is very Spirtial and you learn the Tools to help fight this Disease..Just go check one out..I really think you will like it..
God Bless
vickie

[ang266]

I have asked for prayer (unspoken request). No I don't have anyone else I feel I can trust that won't judge me...at least in my mind anyway. My husband is the sweetest person in the world and he is a deacon in the church. He has been thru so much...it would take me forever to tell you about all of it and that would be just one more thing on him. He almost lost his life in an explosion years ago. He was the only survivor out of six. He also has rheumatoid arthritis that's getting worse (crippling kind). He was diagnosed in high school. He is 55. And the list goes on and on. I dont have pills of my own anymore but The pills are always around me...they are my husband's. He knows I take them because he thinks I'm hurting all the time too. He doesn't take them when he should...doesn't want to  become addicted so he will just hurt.  He never says a word. I'm sure the thought that maybe I'm dependent on them may cross his mind from time to time.  I noticed a while back that He stashes some away for himself so he notices. That makes me feel awful. But he has to have them so you see I can't get rid of them.  I know you're  probably right about the pride getting in the way but I just don't want to put one more thing on him. @clean_in_ks...thanks for the info.  I will most def check out the site thanks for listening and please keep praying and posting.  I know I opened this door, but I can't close it...God I need you!  I think this site is a good start...at least I'm hoping.  I need this!!!  Blessings...

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome to the forum!  You are among LOTS of people that have walked in the shoes you are currently trudging. Getting free of the pain pills and  alcohol CAN definitely happen for you, too.  For me, understanding that my brain is different from a non-addict helped me immensely to understand why I couldn't just "stop" or "control" the obsession.  There's some great info that may help you understand yourself (and all us addicts) a little better....and your perspective may change.  If you go to your search engine (google or bing, etc.) and type in "hbo.com/addiction" an amazing web site is there for you.  You can click all over that site; understanding addiction; reasons we relapse; myths and false beliefs about addiction; short videos with explanations accompany each link on that home page.  You can read the articles and watch videos at EACH different title you click on.  I spent HOURS on there learning.  I'm a researcher by nature, but it blessed my socks off for sure lol  
There is all the help in the world here.....as soon as you can, read as many posts (both old and new) that you can.  Equip yourself, keep posting, ask questions, and when you have made up your mind how YOU want to do this.....we'll all be here to help and lift you up!
So glad you found MedHelp....bless you~

[atthebeach]

Don't believe the lies of the enemy anymore. HIS mercys are new every morning. Tomorrow is a new day.  Joy comes in the morning......
Do you have pills left? If so please get rid of them.
Your desire to be clean has to out weigh your desire to use. Keep telling yourself that you can do this. There is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus. Do you have a friend you can tell who can pray with you and that you can be accountable to? Hun do you think you should be honest with your husband ? Is he a Christian?  Have you asked for prayer in church, even an unspoken request? Please don't let pride get in your way.

[ang266]

Thank you so much. You know I can tell others that Jesus is a deliverer  but it it seems so hard for me to apply that to my life. I feel like I've let my Father down.  It's so hard. I realize I can't do this without Him but as long as I've been struggling and praying I feel as though I should have overcome this by now. He knows I can't do it alone so what?  My heart is in the right place and all I want to do us please Fid but I keep hurting Him .

[ang266]

Thanks Gnarly. God it feels great to have people to talk to. I believe I'm on my way. I just need your continued support. Blessings

[gnarly_1]

HI  well you picked a good place to start there is much support here  at least your dose is low but your time on them will make it harder   you can just stop taking them if your healthy  go threw withdrawals for around 4 days  but then comes the mind screw with that you need too join N/A It helps me get buy the tuff spots   keep posting for support we all want to see you get clean.................Gnarly

[ang266]

Congrats!  How long did you use and how long have you been "free"?  Your testimony is so encouraging and I'm so glad I joined.

[ang266]

Thanks everyone. I take the 10s  and I'm already at the place where they really don't do what they used to. I mean I feel so awful after I take them. Yes I'm pretty much using everyday. What makes me so angry is I stopped for a month...on 2 occasions. Somehow I fell back into it. I want to be free. Ths saddest part is I'm a worship leader in my church. Yes...takes it to a whole different level doesn't it?  I really appreciate all of you for replying so quickly. I need help and I'm ready to give it up. Thanks again.

[lynnylou44]

You can do it I promise! Good luck

[lynnylou44]

I know that your worried, but you are on a very small dose. Its mind over matter. I have been an addict of hydrocodone for 3 years, and am almost off myself right now. I've relapsed twice, and when I have the pills I take up to 8 a day. I script for 30 lasts me around 4 days. Your not abusing heavily, and that is a good thing. Are you using every single day? And when you say the strongest ones, are you saying 10 mg? 5 mg? That makes a difference. You have to want to get off though, if you dont you wont do it. Please do it now before it gets more out of control. The feeling it gives feels good, but a year from now when your taking much more, and crying because you cant get off it wont seem so good anymore. Your life will be much easier, much better without them. Taper down to half a pill and take 1/2 for a week or so then jump off. Take some immodium, and valerian root/melatonin for relaxation and sleep.

[Free2agoodhome]

Hi Ang,

You're not alone......we all started the same way basically...mine was knee surgery...i needed two.....sadly i looked forward to the second  surgery...because i knew i was going to get prescribed some "feel good'...

In my case I think I feel in love with the euphoric feeling,,,,,the care free outlook on life,,,, but soon .......as it will,,,the meds stopped working...it took more and more to feel good.....

The good news is recovery is possible..very possible  I should be dead by now,,,,but the folks on here helped me through detox...and i havent ingested another pill since,,,,

make some friends,,,sharing helps so much,,,,look up thomas recepie for sure...

rootin for ya....keep posting,,,

Free~