Hi, welcome. I'm a little confused. Are you saying you need to be on pain meds and are wondering how to take them like a person who is not an addict? If that's the case, sorry, we can't do that. If we could control our using, we wouldn't be addicts. Why are you on pain meds? Is it something that can be helped by other methods?
The only way that I know of to be successful in recovery is to BE in recovery. That means a program like AA or NA etc. (That's what works for me.) It also means abstinence from drugs and alcohol.
Tell us more specifically and we can try and help.
I'm not fully sure how an addict can take addictive medications and not respond like an addict, but my only idea is for you to be in recovery. If you don't deal with the issues that led you to addiction in the first place, I would say you have no chance of learning not to abuse your medications.
You said NA isn't an option for you because you are at a risk for sourcing? I'm assuming you mean buying drugs? Every addict that attends NA is at a risk for that, they are addicts. If you go to NA and truly work it, your risk for sourcing would be less and less. If you truly want to stop abusing your meds, you have to make a firm and honest commitment to so that. You can't do it on your own, and it isn't going to magically just happen without work on your part.
I'm also an alcoholic. I quit for two years on my own, but since I didn't get into recovery, didn't work on the problems that led me into alcoholism, my addiction resurfaced with opiates and I resumed the downward spiral right where I left off.
I'm only just a shy of a month clean, but this time I've made a plan to stay that way. I found a doctor, I found a counselor, I joined as many online support groups as possible, I came clean with my loved one's and the doctors supplying me meds, and I'm learning as much about addiction as possible.
I've been reading about a method called AVRT and it's been very helpful for me and it's made me look at addiction in a way I never have before. It's taught me that my addiction will tell me any lie possible to keep me using. My addiction is evil and self serving and cares nothing for me. The pills I thought were my best friend, the ones I loved so much and couldn't make it through a day without were actually my evil worst enemy and I was only using them to numb all the parts of me or my life that I wasn't happy with. I am finally learning to know when my addiction is deceiving me and know that I don't have to listen to it. I don't have to be a slave to a pill that promises false happiness. I can stay clean as long as I don't believe any lie that involves me ever using again. I've learned that it's a lie that I can't quit, I won't be happy without it, it's too hard, I'll never be able to do it. ALL LIES told by my evil monster of addiction told to keep it happy and me miserable.
If you truly want to stop, you can't do it without getting into recovery. If NA won't work for you, find another source that will, but don't let your addiction lie to you and make excuses why you can't.