2096376 tn?1333196583

How long will this last & my story....

I'm 48 Spanish non stereo typical gay male and I started this nightmare about 13 years ago. I had fallen down a flight of concrete stairs and went to the hospital. After that visit I went to a doctor specializing in sports medicine. Until the day I don't understand what that is. Well any how I had various MRIs done went to all kinds of doctors that was loads of fun. I had really messed up my back doing stupid **** as a kid. Lifting heavy objects and that sort of thing, without thinking of what might happen. I have had migraines since I can remember and that was one of the issued as well so again to the many, many doctors. After maybe two months into the doctor/patient thing and many visits to many different doctors from accidents that I have had. **** come to think about it I don't know how I'm standing here today. So anyhow she prescribed vicodin and various other drugs, I can't remember what they were . But they made me stupid so I stopped them I wish I would have done the same with vicodin but then there wouldn't be a story to tell.  It started a small bottle .....you know the drill take 1 to 2 tablets by mouth every 4 to 6 hours if needed for pain. Well this 25 or so prescription graduated to 60 Hydrocodon 5-500 a week, until 4 years ago when she downed the amount to 56 and there it stayed until about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I do not have an addictive personality, I hate loosing control of myself that is one main reason I never got into drugs when I was a kid. And as I saw the whole thing with this situation I had no need for worry, a doctor was giving me this for my better. My thought of what an addict is was a homeless person sitting in the street all messed up and dirty. This was not my road and a doctor would never put me in harms way. So I began taking this garbage (Vicodin)  I'm not completely sure what the time lapse was as to when I started taking all eight at once before bed instead of the 2 every 2 hrs. But I did and down that road I went, I had a boyfriend that was into the vicodin thing but his deal was completely for fun. Well he began stealing my vicodin and I found myself in a corner in San Francisco buying the amount he stole. I never went beyond the amount prescribed but none the less I was in what they refer to as the "pill corner" in one of San Francisco worst areas.  This was so a wake up call if nothing else. I'm the kind of person that when **** happens I sit and think and think and think about it. I completely dissect what ever happens to be the problem I really acquaint myself with it and figure out how to fix it. I came to the conclusion that without doubt I had a problem..."really"... and it was made up of a physical, emotional and psychological need, three different addictions to the same thing. This realization happened about eight years ago, four years later I had dissolved the emotional and psychological need but the physical need was not an easy deal in the slightest. That boyfriend had gone curbside by then and on this particular night I was having a small diner party. One of the boys there asked to use the restroom I told him to use the one in my bedroom because the guest bathroom was not working. so he went up and came down. At the end of the night we all said our good byes and I went to my room for bed and all that. I opened up the pill dispenser and there were 4 pills missing of course no one else would have taken them so I called him telling him why would you do this I have a real situation and need those pills for pain, not for fun. He just denied the theft and I went into overdrive. I really didn't want to go to the city and well I didn't go, I knew I was much more that all that so I just took 4 instead of my every night 8. Well that wasn't so difficult so I decided to stop and went without to the third day when I met true pain.  Then and there I understood the garbage I had gotten myself into not just the intellectual aspect of it but the true meaning of what I had become in all it's glory. **** I was an addict, I was so pissed of at that doctor but knew I had to rid myself of this addiction but it had to be on my time. On one of the yearly visits to this doctor she began telling me that it would be best for me to go to a clinic. I didn't quite understand this until recently she didn't want the responsibility she was trying to pawn me of.....the *****.
See I had a heart attack when I was 37 maybe about 3 years into the vicodin thing. Now I know vicodin is  not really an ideal drug to take not only because addiction is almost certain, but also if you have a history of heart problems in your family taking vicodin is a major no.....well as to what I have read anyhow. Ta keep in track wit  this story she wanted to see me so I went this appointment which was on the 13 of this month (March 2012). She began by telling me why are you still having the prescriptions sent to me for refills I though you where going to a clinic. At that point I let her have it, it's not that I started yelling or nothing to that extreme although honestly I really wanted to tell her to take a flying leap off a really tall building. But instead I kept my cool and told her she was major league ****** up *****....but in a nice way. She then told me I had a problem with Vicodin.......huh?.......no really. ******* ****, so she wanted to winn me of the Vic. her thought was subtracting one pill weekly so every week it would be seven less. Yeah ......right .....I can't do that long time thing so after leaving her office she started her count down but I did it like this. On Tues. the 13th the night of the appointment I still had three days before my refill so I broke all the pills in half and took 4 pills which looked like 8 since I had broken them in half, I stayed with that 3 days then went down to 2 pills and four days after that I stopped it all. The sliding scale wasn't so bad but three days after I stopped it all the restlessness began, the cold sweats, the anxiety, stomach cramps you know the works. So today the thing that is the most distressing is the creepy crawly thing and restlessness and I can feel myself go from way happy to pissed off in seconds or sad. But I am clear I don't see things through a veil as it seemed. I want to do things want to live outside of the dam house I am so very proud of myself.. But through all this I would so love to know more or less how long will the restless arm and leg thing go on for. I have been seeing that people say it all depends on the amount of time you used. Would be great to have more of a specific idea although I well know it varies from person to person. God it would be nice to make suit against these doctors that so easily prescribe this dark angel, this crap I see so many kids into this crap. Try to tell them but in company kids don't listen, but my nephews are a different story. My line is you'll listen, you'll ask questions until you really understand what drugs are, how they can come to own you, how you can loose "you", inside a small pill or whatever else you might be looking at. All in heart to everyone that is going through this garbage, we all come out better through this nightmare, don't give up !!!
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Avatar universal
Proud of you to stand up to your doc..nice. Denying the clinic thing was very smart of u..for u would have traded your monkey for king Kong. Wtg. Never successfully detoxed from any drug myself but just wanted to say how proud and how I envy u for your drug decisions... Keep ur head up and good luck.
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Avatar universal
Hi Angelo, I was in the clutches of Vicodin addiction 14 months ago.  I lost so much as a result.  Yes, garbage..that is what Vicodin is and it pisses me off too.  I wish you all the best.  Hugs, Sharon
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2095852 tn?1376416781
Just wanted to say hey and see if you are doing ok and or still trying to get sober or have gotten sober. Keep I touch and let us know how you are doing.
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