Avatar universal

How to become a better person after addiction?

Hey everyone I am 25 days clean (but I am on suboxone for the time being) I feel pretty normal but I am starting to realize I hate the person I am or at least I want to improve who I am. I also want to prepare myself as best as I can for when I do decide to come off suboxone. I have been attending NA meetings once a week, I like going to them and would like to work the steps but I know that involves a sponser. I havent reached out to get one because I know they are going to try to make me go to a meeting everyday and I Honestly have no time to go everyday I have filled my schedule up to keep me as busy as possible. I work 13+ hours a day, 4 days a week. And am attending school the other 3 and the rest of my time is spent studying (which I am beginning to enjoy, especially because I have been getting straight A's).

I wanted to work the steps by myself or at least with someone who would understand that I cant attending a meeting everyday. But they claim you cant work the steps without one and be successful. I mostly want to work the steps to get to the root of my addiction for me opiates, But I tend to replace now that I am clean. with women (sex) smoking, studying etc. (I become obsessive over these things) then I get bored and its onto the next.

I want to become a better person, I want to get to the root of my addiction, start to like myself and make something of my life. Right now I feel lost and confused, I know I have the ability to better the world but I havent found out how yet. I also just feel like I am not making any progress with my recovering in a sense that I just feel like the suboxone keep me from using but are not fixing the person I am. Giving the limited time I have and my situation does anyone have any tips/books/videos/suggestions on how I am improve myself and prepare myself for when I get off subs?

I know some of you are probably going to say "you found time to get high didnt you? well then you can find time to go to meeting" but I only used to use AT work, so time wasnt an issue because I was there. Any suggestions are welcome thanks for the help
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4810126 tn?1503942735
Hi there,

No drug is ever going to 'fix the person' you are. Suboxone is keeping you from using because you're already using --  Suboxone. (A powerful opiate as I'm sure you know).

I agree with the the above posters. Until you get off the Subs, you won't have the emotional/mental clarity to start the long, slow process of recovering your life & yourself. It's great that you're going to NA. It's great that you want to get to the root of your addiction. The fact that you're disgusted with how things are right now, can be used to your advantage. Have you designed a taper w/ your Sub Dr?
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
I honestly wouldnt start working any steps until you are completely off the subs.  As jifmoc said being off everything is a total different ballgame.  Doing it your way got you in this mess and you seem to be still trying to do that.
Helpful - 0
Sarah I am in new format, you are still Mary Poppins, looking good!
Avatar universal
Hi there and welcome.The funny thing is you said it yourself "I feel lost and confused." Which means what you are doing isn't working. Here's the thing. Recovery is just like working out. If you work out and eat right once a week, then you're body will reflect that.  There is a saying that whatever you put in front of recovery you will lose. From your post, you want to improve and get better and that's great but you have lots of excuses. No, sponsor's won't MAKE you do anything. They can suggest. You'll just have to look around for one that will work w/ you.

I'm sure you can go to a ONE HOUR meeting on the 3 other days. It's amazing what we have time for when we want to have time for it. We addicts have to learn or re-learn how to function in the world w/o substances. If we could do that on our own, we would have. Trust me, I tried that, too.

You are hopefully going to be tapering off subs and you will need a lot of support then, too. Not to scare you, but being off everything is a whole different ballgame. That's when we really need recovery...other clean addicts to help us.

Stick around. Others will come on here w/ their thoughts:)
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495284 tn?1333894042
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