11 days no norco and anger getting worse
Today is day 40 for me ( by an hour ) and it is for me as well. Not sure this will make you feel better, mine is worse than the first couple weeks.
I wasn't an angry person before, if anything, I was a doormat who smiled when someone hurt me.
Now I'm wondering if I changed my personality forever. Hoping someone with lots of clean time will chime in.
I thought I was an oddity, I go into rage over silly things. No road rage or anything normal people get upset with, I can handle that. It's silly stuff. And most of the time someone is being nice and helping me. So I have learned to keep my mouth shut. I would die if I hurt someone's feelings.
Sadly, know what you're going through. No answer though :(
I'm really hoping someone chimes in. I read some symptoms can last years. Please say this isn't one if them!
I do really good for days and then something stupid will happen that wouldn't make anyone mad makes me so angry, I literally start shaking. Last night my kids made a mess of my room and I wasn't mad at all then I woke up this morning and saw it and I just went off my rocker. I don't understand it. I am like the person that posted above, I never got angry before, I was a doormat. I think it's normal to just be on a emotional roller coaster for a while. Our brains are having to rewire after years of abuse.
Yup totally agree. I guess it's something we have to learn to control. Count to 10 before we speak (or type, lol). In a way, I like it. I really was a doormat on pills, now little things that didn't bother me before, simmer inside of me. I'm really tired of being taken advantage of.
I certainly don't want to be a biotch but better than a doormat. Actually, I would just like to be happy.
Pat, I get that, just wanting to be happy!
I define myself pre opiate and now. Pre opiate I was a doormat. Actually on opiates too!
Well, it seems four of us so far are having anger issues.
Hope4good, how many days are you and still having them?
This is very common and it does get better. Our emotions have been numb for so long and now they are all in overdrive. As one wise lady said to me one time, Congrats on feeling again~
Sarah is right on. We numb ourselves so much and for so long...our emotions are all over the place. Getting help to understand the rage might help. Congrats on 11 days!
Same issue in the past nothing bothered me ... The first few weeks opiate free, I would demonstrate zero patience with everyone and I had to reel myself in and breathe before I responded to anything.. It almost felt like I was hypersensitive to my surroundings and the mere presence of someone would have me sighing
Are you having mental for or depression? I had to go get on an antidepressant because I was getting angry when I really should have been happy. I would start questioning myself if going through detox was really worth it or not because I was still feel like crap. I am doing better.
Getting clean is a life changing process. It doesnt happen overnight and that is why we say it takes time. We abused our bodies and mind and it takes awhile to recover from this. Aftercare is very important.
enuff, I've always had anger issues but using it was almost uncontrollable and during getting clean the first 30-60 were a real challenge. like everyone said breathing helped me and counting backwards from ten. it sounds dumb cuz you feel so full of rage you think those things can't help but try it, they do. for me once i got out of the anger by distraction or whatever the first time, it came easier the next. not to say it didn't get the best of me, or doesn't, sometimes. but also i agree that it does lessen with time. and that's a comfort, knowing that your emotions sort of relax back into place. be patient with yourself. hope it gets better soon. :)
Great advice on the breathing. That really does work!
I have been clean for 115 days. My addiction counselor told me when I first quit that since I had numbed my emotions for over 10 years I would have to learn how to control them again because they will come out full force. I'm not nearly as angry and emotional as I was when I first quit. For the first 2 months I was either crying my eyes out or screaming at the top of my lungs. Now it just comes around every now and then. Mainly when something really stressful is going on. It does get better as time goes by. I try to catch myself and take deep breaths and count to ten.
Lol...i thought I was just being a jerk at my old age but I hear u guys!!!
I agree our emotions do come out full forced . I think sometimes it may be a dual diagnosis we didn't think or know we had. For example, addiction/depression or addiction/bi-polar of course that is just two of many dual's you could or could not have,. I agree also that our brains were rewired and on some drugs, and it can take over YEAR or more ..to rewire back. The scary thing to me is knowing it may never rewire back the same as it was . The endings of those wire's in our brains die off and we are making new wires to get through the obstacle course in our heads. We may have different personality traits depending what drug of choice we were using. So as we get use to the new "us" we can learn and educate those around us in this and become the person or people we need to be and want to be.
Hope4good, I am experiencing the whole emotional roller coaster right now, in fact I been crying all day. I am even on an antidepressant. I am easily angered didnt notice it as much till today. This is good to know!! I may meed to show this to my hubby.
Mysobriety, are you saying our brains were rewired on meds, and that in rewiring them again getting clean, we may have a different personality than before, for good?
I hope I'm misunderstanding. I liked my personality pre opiates, and even on my meds I liked myself. I still got great joy helping with charities, I still had major emotions on my pills. I still laughed at funny stuff, and cried after somethings. Like this past Christmas Eve, I delivered food baskets to the needy. I totally cried for hours afterwards, seeing some of the places these people lived, and the smiles and pure joy of watching people cry happy tears over having a turkey delivered. A turkey!
One lady was so happy, she was crying saying that turkey could feed her for a month.
I guess I got off topic, I just want to know those feelings will come back.. Not some strange new personality??
From the extensive reading I've done, during and after w/d the brain and body is working hard to start manufacturing the chemicals, nutrients etc. by itself. When we start using pills the body shuts down as the pills are doing the work. Neurotransmitters, the central nervous system etc. are reacting and the body is in an agitated state as it adapts to the fact that it now needs to work again. This is why exercise and proper diet is so important. I believe also this is what causes the rage and irritability. I hope so as I too am experiencing bouts of anger with little to no provocation. I have found that 5HTP helps a lot. Just my 2 cents.
I find anger to be addictive. My childhood wasn't so great and I remember not wanting to feel it when my dad would be throwing lamps and thrashing the house. When I was 5 or 6 yrs old I would cry so hard I couldn't breathe and my chest would ache with agony. All the chaos was unavoidable and I learned to mask all my emotions with anger, it was better than feeling hurt all the time. By the time I was about 11 I didn't feel anything but anger or forced happiness, that was it. I started taking drugs at 11 and found a new escape, I didn't feel so angry all the time. I was pretty self-destructive and care-free for the next 30 yrs. I quit opiates last July and without counseling and aftercare, I think I would be angry right now. Coping skills and relapse prevention are tools that are developing through self-realization. I thought I had grown a lot during my drug use, and I did grow some, but nothing looking at myself fearlessly and soberly. I tried to be a good person. I too was very service oriented. I lived with the homeless in Calcutta, just outside the Sisters of Charity, started by Mother Theresa. I helped organize an orphanage in war ravaged Guatemala. I gave food and blankets to the homeless in Austin late Christmas eve. I helped widows and orphans throughout my life. I really tried to open my heart, but I think a lot of what I have done was searching for purpose and trying to feel better about myself. My intentions where good and my actions toward others was good, but now I'm learning to love myself. I don't want to stop feeling angry and hurt by the things I have seen, I want balance. Talking with a counselor has helped me to feel the right things at the right time. I don't have to mask my anger, pain, peace, or joy. I feel things and let them go, then I work on being the solution in the world and the serenity prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom know the difference.
I don't really have a happy time in life to reflect on, with hopes I will return to it. I only have right now and endless potential in my future. I pray that I will be a better person than I have ever been and happier than I have ever been, without regard for what I may have done to my brain or body. The thing is, if we don't like who we are or have become, at least we can change that person if we are clean and sober. My old thinking got me hooked on drugs, I don't want to be that person. Sometimes I'll be sitting there and feel angry at the soldiers who threatened me for helping Mayan Indians, other time I cry in memory of the many children who where my friends and are now dead from injustice. I want to feel those things and do something about it. My emotions are my steering wheel, my brain is my ignition system and God is my motor.
Like a wise woman once told ME: "You can't unstuff your feelings alone."
I thought I was one of those hopeless cases, that could not recover, but aftercare has helped me be rigorously honest with myself and now I believe everything will be okay. I'm only beginning this journey, but I finally found hope and believe in myself and love myself. Anger is no longer a problem, it is a guide to tell me something is wrong and that I need to do something about it.
I haven't had TOO much anger so far, 15 days off hydrocodone, 31 off my primary addiction, Tramadol. But I can relate to the hair-trigger nature of emotions, when they come on strongly. I've noticed I'm moved to tears easily. I don't necessarily have a full cry, but I feel the stinging in my eyes and tears welling up, almost before I even consciously feel sad about the trigger. I work with families of children who have disabilities, and sometimes when I first sit with them and take in all that they have been through coping with their fate...it's really hard to stay professional and I start to feel like I'm going to cry. I can stave it off, thankfully, but the tears do start to well up.
It's so ironic that later, at home, I'll be doing well and having an enjoyable evening with my kids, and something they'll do (usually disregard for their stuff, making serial messes) will set me off. I don't carry that earlier perspective home, I am tired and feeling put upon and overworked and I can sometimes take it out on them, I'm sorry to say. Not often, maybe once a week, I'll go into full martyr mode and over-parent a bit, order them around, tolerate no resistance, when it was me who got lazy and let them go so long without boundaries that they were able to destroy the house to begin with. Argh. It's hard. I feel really bad afterward, even though I never yell and never use physical means to discipline...I'm just grumpy and a task master. I know how to parent better than that. There's just only so much energy and time to go around right now, between withdrawing and losing out on sleep and feeling crappy as a result, and sometimes I'm not all I want to be :(
Try to remember, on the pills you were mostly happy, nothing bothered you, now the brain is getting back a new emotion and it's coming at once like a tornadoe. it gets better and better, I promise, been there, done that. CT twice, this time Im tapering, so Im balancing out better "for me." Times I was getting pissed at every little thing in the beginning, but I find Im laughing more and havent cried in over a week. Im even forgetting to take my med at the perspective times cause Im feeling that good!
Thanks all! So I'm not crazy! Well a bit.