Husband is abusing pills and alcohol

[simpson2]

So, I'm sure you have heard the story before. My husband and I have never been angels, and I'll admit that I occasionally take a pill or two for a little buzz. However, I would give it all up if I could get my husband to as well. He lost his job in February, and since then he spends most of his time drinking and taking xanax, vicodin, percocet, and colonapin. Excuse if I misspelled... It isn't every day, but I am sure if it was in front of him, or someone offered he would take it.

My concern is increasing because of the bad things that are happening when he "blacks out" In the last few months he fell from a cliff and lost a front tooth. It cost hundreds of dollars to get a replacement for job hunting. A few weeks ago he blacked out and lost that replacement. This weekend he blacked out and had money and pills (not that those matter to me) stolen. Tonight he lost a carton of cigarettes, sack of pot, and the remainder of his xanax he had just purchased. Even more upsetting is that he tried to drive to someone's house after realizing these things were likely stolen. I was able to overpower him and get the keys only because he was so messed up.

He won't admit that there is a problem. He has told me that he was this way when we got together, and if I don't like it anymore I should just leave. I don't want to leave. I keep thinking that if he gets a job he will straighten out again. But, I'm not sure he could even get one while he is in a state like this. What do I do? Financially I am paying for the mistakes he is making, accidents they may be, but he won't admit that if he had been sober they wouldn't have happened. I guess my question is, how can I stay with him, without enabling him?

[Greeneyesaruba]

I have been with my husbsnd since I was 16. I am 28 now I went threw alot,abuse his addiction and I got depressed and was enabling him then soon became a coke addict. It made me not feel anf everything was alright tell it was everynight. I did more than him but he had to drink when hr did it and he was violent and doing stupid crap. It took me to quiet and put him in jail for abuse. Two years I cut off from him and he did a total 360 it took loosing me and his kids to straighten up.... I waited to long to step up dont do the same

[pattifan]

I really do feel for you. This is a hellish problem.

As the others have already said, nothing can help unless he admits he has a problem.

No threats or pressure will work as he needs to decide for himself.

He does need support, so stay with him for as long as you feel you are safe doing so.

Drugs mixed with alcohol are dangerous and blacking out is a really bed sign. The next time he blacks out, you would be entirely justified in dialling 911 for his own sake and safety and getting him admitted to the ER. It's just possible that might serve as a wake up call, and shock him in to realising that he needs help.

I wish you all the very best.

[10356]

I agree with debbie. the drug and alcohol cocktail is very dangerous.. along with blacking out. alcoholics will get to a point where once it took a truck load of booze to achieve this they can do it with just a few glasses. this is when the liver can no longer filter the booze and pills. I would speak to his Dr. as I believe his life is on the line.. as for you giving up your occasional fling with drugs. that would be a good idea.. make your home drug and alcohol free and lead by example.. I also agree you need to let him know that you love him but you will not enable him to die.  I tried that line on my husband many times.. this is the way you met me. typical for a addict but not at all valid,, check into alanon for support for yourself ok they can be found in any town and look up aa meetings for him.. even if he refuses have the locations on a piece of paper.. physically having to take keys from someone drunk can be risky.. but thank goodness you got them.. take care of you ok then you will be in a better position to help him. I wish you both well.. lesa

[shiningstar500]

Honestly, my sister went through this with her boyfriend years ago. She thought she could change him, it didnt work. The only way he will change is if he wants to change. Until he can admit he has a problem, nothing will change. It is hard to accept, I know and maybe speaking to him about it. Again, though if he doesnt think he has a problem nothing will change. Do you have children that have to see this? Good luck to you and I do wish you all the best!

[atthebeach]

i am the wife of a recovering addict. i know it is hard to watch them destroy themselves. you are right he can not work now, he def. needs help. the blacking out part is extremely dangerous, it is very hard for them to see or admit  their addiction. i lived with it for many years,you def. become an enabler i know i did. you didnt mention your ages but i know the addiction only gets worse. you need to seek help for yourself check out an alanon meeting, talk to a church clergymen, call a hot line. benzos which are xanax and clonipin are very dangerous mixed with alcohol. let him know that you love him and want to help him and that is by getting clean. he needs to first see and understand that he does have an
addiction. i will be praying for you. please keep us posted. god bless
debbie