Hydrocodone Abuse

[mgrace00]

Hello. I have a question for current or former hydrocodone addicts. I have been taking this medication for about a year now and have turned myself into a monster when it comes to the drug. I have 10/325s. I am to the point of wanting to stop, and I have made a plan to do so. But I have a question about something that concerns me. When I take this medication, I obviously do not take it as prescribed. I am an over-doer. I will take as many as it takes for me to feel the high that hydrocodone gives. Since I have been taking them for a year, that is about 6 at a time. Sometimes I will take 6 then I will take another in 45 min-1 hr, and another again in the same amount of time, to keep the high going. I have been doing this for about 2 weeks. I need to know about overdose. This may seem like a silly question to some, but it is a very serious one to me. I know that overdose can occur within a certain amount of time after one takes the medicine, but can it occur after large amounts have been taken for an extended amount of time. For example, since I have been taking 12+ per day, for about 2 weeks, will my body give out and something bad happen to me out of the blue?  What I am worried about is respiratory depression. I have been feeling a little more anxious than usual, but my breathing is ok. My blood pressure is ok, but my pulse was a little low earlier, at 61. I need real answers please. Answers from experience of taking high amounts for long periods of time, every day, without pause. Please do not try to scare me by giving me exaggerated answers. Please do not do this. I am already scared, and I know that the only way to not be worried is to not take the mess. I am truly working on stopping.  Thank you.

[mutty188]

Most of us can't control ourselves when it comes to pills. Tapering is supposedly less intrusive physically, but it's harder mentally. The benefit of Cold Turkey is that clean "hours" accumulate and offer a reward. it becomes re-enforcement. Tapering doesn't have the same effect.
"I only took 1/2" is just not the same as "I've been clean for 24 hours" . It helps your willpower.

There are a lot of beautiful people on this board to help you and provide support. Read about success stories, Read about other people in your exact same position. Ask for help.

[mgrace00]

I went to the doc today and confessed to her about my addiction. She was very sympathetic. She wants me to start a taper program but she only gave me 12 of the 5/325's. I have already taken 8 of them. I got sick with myself for doing that. It was like I had no control. But I do have some more. I have 9 all together. I am tired of the pills. They are no fun. They are dangerous and expensive. They will destroy me. I have to find a way to have more power. I am going to start exercising today with my son. If I have restless legs tonight, just a half of a pill will take care of that, I hope. Wish me luck everyone. Please don't give up hope and please pray for me. I need it so badly.

[mgrace00]

Thank you. I am really ready to see the doc tomorrow so that I can tell her everything and she can help me. I have been knowing her for such a long time and I know she will be supportive. I am so ready to start this, I am just so scared. Isn't that funny? Addicts taking pills that will kill you, not scared to do that even though we know it can happen, but scared of withdrawals, something that will hurt but wont kill us, only help? Crazy.

[toothfairie]

Hi...since you are seeing your doc tmrw, hopefully he can help you with a proper taper....if you only have 12 pills left, it won't be enough for a proper taper....you could just stop now and jump....but i would talk to your doctor first....wishing the best for you....you REALLY have to want to stop...otherwise you will just yo-yo back and forth...hope you get some good answers if you see the doctor tmrw....don't beat yourself up about this....just move forward...we've all been there.  Keep posting for support..you are NOT alone.  

[mgrace00]

I am such a disappointment. I had to take my mom somewhere this morning and on the way home, I reached into my purse and got my bottle out like I was a robot with programmed instructions. The whole time I had them in my mouth my mind was yelling "NOOOOO!" but I just kept on chewing on them. I felt so guilty about it that I sent myself into an anxiety attack. My heart started beating so fast. I didn't think I was going to make it home. When I finally did, I lied down in the recliner, and felt like I couldn't breath. So I went into another anxiety attack, heart beating fast, shaking, scared. I only have 12 pills left. I guess I better find my strength to use them to help me instead of hurt me. Please know that I want to do this so badly. I just have to gather up the will power that I know is inside of me.

[mgrace00]

Thank you. I will make an appointment with my doc for Tuesday since tomorrow is a holiday. I am getting excited about stopping. I can't wait to feel normal again.

[VICourageous]

Hi again. If you can taper and then get the BP med that would be good. Get it when you are done. I could only use it at night. I used the Buspar during the day and evening. It took me many weeks of h*ll before I broke down and used it..But I came off of 3 meds at once and did not want to add any more..ekkk
You do not have to have high blood pressure to use this. It is a light weight one that they use Alot. I got it way back in the 90s before I went up the latter with my meds. I too was scared of it, but it is very good. It helps with Sleep and Anxiety. BUT if you can taper first that would be good. many of us can not do a taper. I could not, no matter if they would hide them , I could sniff them out and find them like a dog..haha Good luck and we will Cheer you on.
Bless

[mgrace00]

I want to start tomorrow with a taper. I am wondering if I can take this Clonadine medicine that everyone is telling me about and it work without me having to taper. If it a blood pressure medicine, I wonder how it works on someone that doesnt have blood pressure problems, like me. I will talk to my doc about it. I did not do well today. I took 6 earlier, and 8 tonight. So bad. Just horrible. I am not even at the place I was wanting to be when I took them. But I will not take anymore. I promise. I am disgusted with myself right now.

[mgrace00]

I am gonna try. I didn't do well today.

[mgrace00]

Thank you so much. I have a doctor that I have been to in the past that is more like a friend than anything. She was with me through my xanax addiction. She will help me in any way that she can. Thank you so much for your advice.

[Dane74]

Hey hun, if you have the help and support i believe taper is the way to go!  You are putting allot of pressure on yourself, if you want to go CT then get rid of ALL pills and if you want to taper give them to someone and have a plan.  What is your plan?  We all can help you.  You are mentally caving, so let us know what your plan is so we can help...OK?  We are all here for you.  Don't be ashamed to admit if you took one or more please, we all have had our fare share of "cheating" if you will.  You will beat this but you need a plan, we are all different in how we become clean.  

[VICourageous]

OH Yes Ann, I agree 100%..If you can taper Please do. It makes it a bit less intense and should not take as long. Just hang tight and fight the flight.

[Ann2497]

I don't think you need to go cold turkey.  I would taper if I were you.

[VICourageous]

Hi. If you can go to the Dr and be honest with them they can give you a Med called Clonidine. It is a BP med they use to help withdraws and they also can give you Buspar for anxiety. These are all non-addictive meds. If you stick with us we can help you get through your w/ds on what we did or still do as far as vit/min and such. Just make sure you drink LOTS & LOTS of water to flush out the poisons. These type of meds also mess up the Brain Chems and they take a while to get balanced out too. It takes awhile for the Brain and Body to re-adjust from the removal of these Stims.
Your story hit home because back in the 90s I would take tons of hydo/oxys at the same time. This only led me up to the Methadone because I thought i could take less and get more out of it..OMG what a joke that was. AND yes I have had some respiratory experiences that scared the crap out of me. I went c/t from 3 drugs at once and I am no young chic so it took me a while. I have almost a year in and my brain is starting to finally feel it..Good Luck stick around and we will Cheer you on and help you.
Bless

[mgrace00]

Thank you, everyone! I am really having a hard time today. I've already started getting hot, and I'm sweating. I have a headache and I feel little bit dizzy. I will not lie to you all, I am probably gonna break. I hate being weak minded. I will just take one. Just to get the anxiousness to go away. I have always had a problem with anxiety. I hate the feeling of it so much.

[ROSYouralright]

I just read your post and my heart goes out to you. My initial reaction was "look at how many people people who have overdosed accidentally." The amount is different for everyone but why take the chance.? I feel like I've been there before. Maybe a pill or two away from death? Its a scary reality.... I could never taper. If I had the pills I was going to take them. NO part of me could hold back as required for a successful taper. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and I wish you every success with recovery! Please keep posting and keep us updated!

[vicki595]

You can do this. Often the withdrawal is not as bad as we think it may be. Give it a chance, try to taper a bit first, and work on getting support for the head games which I think are the toughest to go through...

[mgrace00]

Yes, I plan on being one too! I will definitely talk to my doctor. Thank you for that information! =)

[mgrace00]

Thank you so much!

[OpenMind24hours]

Congratulations on your decision! Good to hear your brother will help you! The best thing to do is give him all your stash to deal out to you on a taper program. Also tell your Doctor you want to get your life back. They have some scripts to help you through detox, like Clonidine for one. Make a commitment by going all the way with this and asking your Doctor for a good taper program; down to a point where you can go CT and not get in too much WD trouble.

Come here to this board for daily support. We all love to see miracles happen on here, and they do! You can be our next one. :-)

[Dane74]

You can do this and you seem to want it!!!  Your dose is high very high, not to say i too didn't take all that crap, but its so dangerous, please be carful.  It is so scary and overwhelming, i remember i was a complete basket case, but take it day by day and you will do it!!!!  

[mgrace00]

I am feeling so much more positive now than I was an hour ago. You all are my cheerleaders!  GO ME!  =)

[ricart70]

You can do it friend !    I took a ton also myself.  We have all been there and know exactly how you are feeling and we know about the obsession.things will definitely get better the longer you stay clean and the obsession will lessen. ;)  

[mgrace00]

Thank you! I will stay here. I will share my experience and I know I will need support. I appreciate you and everyone else.