I am back to day 1

[BaaBee]

Well I thought I could do it but I cannot. I stopped volunteering 2 nights in a row at VFW. Went down in mg. in lortab but I am now back to calling in woman I volunteer for today & quitting. Told my hubby & now back to very bad pain. Lost my great auntie margaret last friday night. She died at 95 yrs old. Feel like such an idiot.
Peace & love to all
How are you?

[BaaBee]

Right now we are just going to cut back tremendously again. My mama says will let me try her joint pain medicine for my arthritis in my hands. She said if it works for me she'll get it on her insurance & it won't cost me anything. I will miss being around friends at club too & that is why I came right back here. Sometimes the meetings made me want to drink more?
Having people like you is helping already~you are a real sweetie pie. Thank you again.

[IBKleen]

Now I understand. What will you be doing now for pain mngt? I ask that because so many people relapse from the pain. I live with chronic pain and I know how difficult it is to do simple everyday things. If you find some alternatives to help you will be less likely to want to go back to the pills. I am sure you also need to find something to do to earn money that is less demanding on your body. Having something to do is not only helpful financially but will help your self-esteem as well. I know for me, I need to feel like I am needed and I need to feel important and that I am giving something back to help with the expenses of running a house. So do you have any ideas?

I am sorry the fellowship didn't suit you. For me it is a life line and the place where I go to be with people just like myself. It is also where the good majority of my friends are--so it's a social thing for me too. But it is not one-size-fits-all so I do understand. You are here so you are reaching out...that's great.

[BaaBee]

I was taking many lortabs to get through the vfw volunteer work. so I thought if I only did 1 night a week I could control it & the 7 straight hours on my feet & cleaning & helping at the club. But this week the pain killers stopped even helping 1 night a week so I just now called & quit & they were very sweet about it.
I don't really believe in any thing & I am an alcoholic as well & have not had a drink in over 5 yrs. So AA never worked for me. We are also on fixed income & I am not allowed to work on husbands pension. That's why I volunteered for tip money only. We have a very small income & I will be doing this at home.

[IBKleen]

I am glad to see that you want to change the way you are living--that is a huge step and incentive to get off of the devil pills one and for all.

I might have missed something here but what has volunteering got to do with relapsing?

Do you think this time you would be willing to seek outside support to help you stay clean?

[BaaBee]

I never want to feel this way again. I was only trying to help us & ended up hurting both of us. My hubby is a disabled veteran & still taking them but is going to get off them.
I really thought I could control it by not having to many volunteer nights but I had 4 days & went back & now it is day one & I am going to do it because I hate not being myself anymore. The pain & withdrawal is very bad right now & I need everyone's help again.
Thank you for commenting.

[IBKleen]

Welcome back. I am glad to see that you came here and glad to see that you feel safe to post and talk. So what do you think you will do different this time around to stay clean?

[BaaBee]

I should have listened before & now it's twice as bad.
I just want to thank you for helping me now & forever I guess. I just quit my volunteer work so that's one more step.

[dominosarah]

I am glad to see you back just wish you had better news.  I am so sorry to hear about your great aunt passing away.  

Why do you feel like an idiot?  Talk to me......