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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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756593 tn?1243951059

I am really scared

I am so nervous about talking about this.  I have been taking vicodin for about 6 mts  for my back.  It seems like I can't live with out it.  When I run out of script, I go to the streets.   I have drained my savings and maxed out my credit card.  I am scared to tell my partner because he thinks addiction is for weak people.  I am tired of feeling like this.  I tired thinking of were am going to ge my next pill and how am I going to pay for it.   I am just don't but I am so affaird of the backlash.  I honestly don't know what to do.
12 Responses
920332 tn?1249054542
Hi,
I know a lot of people on here may get mad at me for telling you this, but Suboxone saved my life.  It is ironic that I am saying that, since as we speak I am suffering from major withdrawl trying to get off the Suboxone.  The truth is, however, that I was taking pain killers for my back pain for so long, I began getting immune to them and taking more and more.  At my worst, I was at about 20 percocets and 20 morphine pills a day!  

When I learned of the Suboxone Program, I decided to give it a try since I could not seem to get off them on my own.  From the very first day I took one, I had no withdrawls, NONE!  I think that is amazing for the amount of pills I was taking.  I can honestly say I would never have gotten off that many pills by myself.  This drug saved my life.  Thank God for it!  The reason people may get upset at me for telling you about it, is because Suboxone, too, is addictive.  To me, taking one or two Suboxone a day was far better than taking 20 narcotics a day.

Maybe try to find out who participates in the program in your area and talk to the doc about it.  If you do not have insurance (and are not rich), you probably will not be able to do it, as the perscription is over $300 a month.

You can take or leave my advice, but ever since Suboxone saved my life, whenever I see someone suffering like I was, I just have to let them know it is out there as a possibility.

Good luck to you and keep in touch!
Mousie

Avatar universal
Hello and welcome.  Dont be nervous - not here.  SO many of us have been exactly where you are.  I can feel your desperation.  The good news is, if you want off - then quit.  Bottom line.  You will not die without it.  You will detox off it and have some withdrawal but I assure you that you can live without it.  Addiction is an exhausting, hurtful, draining lifestyle that many times will lead to death in one way or another.  You are 6 months in -- as long as that seems to you -- do NOT let that turn into 6 years, then 10 then 20.. cause it will.  What is wrong with your back?  Do you still have legit pain? The first thing you should do is tell your doctor -- as scary as that sounds you HAVE to cut off your supplier and for many thats their doctor.  Hopefully he will be caring and smart enough to know that this happens too often to be angry and he can help you.  As far as the partner issues go - I too have a partner who barely even believes in addiction and considers it something that only happens to weak minded individuals..even after watching me slowly kill myself.. he still didnt believe in addiction.. anyway who CARES what he thinks.. you have to do this for you and eff his beliefs and any and all the consequences that come along with getting clean.. the greatest thing you can do in your life is get clean and learn to live life clean again.  If your tired of it all then quit.  Prepare for withdrawal.. expcect the 'flu' for about a week and start dealing with why you use/abuse.  You CAN DO THIS!   We are all here to help and support you. You can do this.. many have before you and many are doing it right now.  Keep posting and take care.
906267 tn?1244743451
Your addiction will only get worse.  I think everyone will vouch for that on here.  You need to make up your mind to quiet and do it!  These pills are the devil and will take you for all your worth.  I have been clean for 16 days now and see a whole new world out there.  I understand how your partner says addiction is for week people, but you can never judge unless you have been there.  And alot of people do.  Hell...I used to.  Then was completly addicted for 4 years.  All i can say is be strong...take some time off work and try to detox.  We all know how you feel on here and are here to talk to you if you need anyone.  This website really saved my life.  Every day is looking better.  Just know we are here for you.  But you really need to decide that you are really ready to quit or you wont.  Nothing ever good comes out of these pills.
Im here to chat if you need anything!
Good Luck!
Avatar universal
I wouldnt be able to sleep tonight unless I posted this.  If anything at all, just do your research re the suboxone.  In my opinion, for a 6 month addiction resulting from a legit pain problem, sub is way way overkill.  And, like humbly said before me, 'its like jumping from the frying pan into the fire.'  If I were in your shoes I would talk to the doctor about getting some clonidine (a BP med used to treat the hot/cold sweats of w/drawal) and maybe a sleep aid to get you through the first week.  And then find some kind of recovery/support group -- whether that be AA/NA or therapy of some kind to help you deal with the after parts and the issues of why you use.  Getting clean is much easier than staying clean (as hard as the physical withdrawal is, the mental cravings are worse and those issues need to be dealt with).  Just my opinion.  I am not a doctor.  Just an long time addict working my recovery with a lot of experience in drug abuse and drug withdrawal.  Be well and good luck!  
Avatar universal
I have to agree with refusingbondage.. sub is very extreme for a 6mo. addiction to Vicodin.. wd is scary as nobody likes to be sick but with this site for support and over the counter meds you can get through this.. If you are at your bottom.. there is nowhere to go but up.. regardless of what anybody else thinks You have to be your number 1 priority.. I have known such strength in addicts in what they have survived and gone through to get clean it would make a straight person fall to their knees and weep.. You can do this.. You can put a stop to the madness that is your life.. One day at a time one minute if that is what it takes.. You do not have to live in this turmoil.. you can turn your finances around and regain yourself respect.. keep reaching out for support and we will help you through this process.. wishing you peace of mind.. lesa
401095 tn?1351391770
agree with 10356 and refusing...a 6 mth addiction may not even have a bunch of physical stuff along with it..i am not sure how much u use per day//but hydro being one of the weaker narcs and only 6 mths//mentally it sounds like it may be tough for u...sounds as if u r in the secretive/or isolated phase of addiction and it is hard to share...but u r getting there..have u tried to quit before?  meetings are everywhere or a counseler is confidential...get support and try ur best to do this on ur own,..then maybe think about other avenues that are more to the extreme..keep posting
Avatar universal
Hi...you need a plan to stop and find alternatives for keeping your stress level cool...is it more than your back?  I assume you like the feeling of the narcotic...not accusing but been there myself.  

People here will definitely support you stopping meds...just keep posting.

Guy
756593 tn?1243951059
Thank you all for your support and understanding.  I am tomorrow going to go to a treamtment program.  I just need to tell Jon.  I hope hope and pray he understands.  Thank you all again for everything.
Avatar universal
I too will say a prayer for you and Jon.. Do not back down as sometimes we only get on chance at getting clean.. I wish you absolutely the best.. I'm very proud of you.. warmly lesa
917083 tn?1247794755
i started on 4 5mg vics a day for a legit back problem and 8 years later had been divorced, homeless, arrested, in the hospital with an infection and completely addicted to Heroin. if your going to the streets already you are playing with fire cuz someone is gonna say i dont have any vics but i can get some oxy, or even worse some H. and soon enough you will be too sick to say no. i too live with a person who thought i was just weak, and its infuriating as well as painful. she has just come around over the last few mo. dont hide this from him it will only make it worse, right now YOU are the most important thing and you need to focus on getting better. doctors, lawyers, nurses, fast food workers it doesnt discriminate, he needs to educate himself and not be so judgmental. hell my exwife was a kindergarten teacher with a masters degree and she shot up every day before work and the second she got home i better have had scored and had some waiting for her. she wasnt weak, im not a weak person, ive walked through hell and come out on unburned. we are sick, not bad people not weak people. good luck to you! you have to do this now or you  will regret it i guarantee you that.
756593 tn?1243951059
Thank you everyone.  You guys are the best!! And I don't even know you.  Just to let you know, I will be checking in on Tuesday for treatment.  I have pills to last me till then.  I just want this to be over with.  I want to start living w/o the pills.  Thank you guys again for being there and I will keep everyone up to speed.  I hope all is well with everyone!!!!!!!
271792 tn?1334979657
Hi rocks,

Congrats on going to get the help you need. That is a huge step---in the right direction.

Please let us know how you are doing. I will be thinking of you!

Hugs.....
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