I don't know what went wrong

[Lyndie34]

My daughter (now 18) got hooked on Oxy contin last summer and was snorting up to 3 pills a day for 4 months before we "cuaght on", she tried to quit on her own telling us of course that she did, this was a lie, then we sent her to a 8 week program, where she did well.  This was back in Sept. Now it seems she's back on something.  i found a sleeve from a Hydromorph Contin 30 mg inthe bathroom garbage can and it could be her's or her brothers...I feel like a complete failure as a mother, how can my kids be hooked like this, they should be graduating high school and going off to college.  Instead I threaten my daughter this morning about being honest and staying clean and how I want her under house arrest to help her stay clean and what does she do, she puts on her jacket and leaves.  WTF am i supposed to do with her, how can I help her if she doesn't want to help herself.

[lovebuckets10]

you cant help if she is not ready or tired of the life. all you can do is be there when she is ready. but stand your ground untill then. its not turning your back on her,  but it is not taking part of her use of drugs. this is not you its her, just be there when she is ready cause she will need you.

[IBKleen]

I am so sorry. You sound heart broken.

Since she is considered an adult now, legally I don't know what recourse you have. She needs to WANT to be clean. It sounds like she may have gone back to her old friends, therefore old ways.

You are not a failure. It is nothing that you did, or didn't do. This is in her.

Take care of yourself and let us know what is happening. You will find a lot of good support here from the members.

[Clamity2]

She hasn't "turned herself off to those feelings". The oxy are painkillers and also "turn off" all other feelings except the feeling we need another fix. Or we FEEL the buzz and chat happily until the rush is over. Remember if you go for the lies of why she needs the money , you might as well buy the oxy for her. In our newspaper this week the police talked about how more addicts are dying from painkillers than meth now. These are very high powered drugs.

[Lyndie34]

In the beginning, she was eager to repay, remorseful about the chaos she created in our family but now, a year later and back into the pills she has turned herself off to those feelings and only thinks selfishly about herslef now.  What can I do?  I feel lost,like I want to quit, throw in the towel and walk away but is that me being selfish and only thinking about me in all this instead of her

[Clamity2]

You said she gets angry and resentful if she is working for "nothing" Well paying a debt is not nothing. Have you ever considered going to Alanon . Its a support group for alcoholics. But addiction is addiction and those that live with us (addicts) do suffer. You could meet others in the same situation and maybe even help your kids in the process.
It would definately help you. If that isn't a option you could continue to come here and get comments. I got 29 days clean today from the support of the site and of course hitting my bottom. My son who has Down Syndrome said, "Mom, stop taking poison!!"  He prayed every night for mom to stop taking poison. When I finally stopped he stopped praying for me to stop. Now he prays for all of med help. and lots of others. He is a little prayer warrior.

[Lyndie34]

I live in Canada, yes she lives at home, even works for me at my hotel, so she makes her own $, yes sometimes I give her some and I agree most of the time it's probably just a line that she is giving me about what she needs the $ for.  When she was in the height of her addiction she and her friend (the one who got her started on the pills) used my bank card (from work) to steal almost $9,000 over a period of 6 weeks.  This was insane and we found out it was her stealing last year Dec. 6.  Since then I have been forcing her to sign over most of her cheques to me to pay off the bill, but it's so hard for all of us.  She works yet she doesn't get much $ out of it which must be frustrating but she knows she has a debt to repay, then she's mad cause she's sick of hearing about it, then she's resentful cause she feels she's working for nothing.  It goes on and on, again I ask, if there isn't anything I can seriously do because it is up to her to fix herself, how am I supposed to just stand by, carry on with my life and daily routine and watch her not try and not fix it

[Lyndie34]

I guess besides the obvious (wanting my kids to be "normal" and healthy) I wonder how on god's earth I am supposed to just stand by and watch them do this to themselves!! I have one more child, a son just turned 14 and I'm scared that if it's that easy for two of my kids to be hooked, will he be too?

[Clamity2]

Your daughter is 18, in most states she is free to make her own choices. The best way to help a addict (in my personal opinion, as an addict myself) is not to support her with $, a place to stay, food etc. If you support her she has no reason to hit bottom. I don't know if you give her cash for whatever she asks for but believe me if she is an addict she will lie about what she needs just to get money for oxy or whatever opiate she can find. Have you asked her if she is interested in a rehab. I went to rehab several times free so I know there are places that are available to everyone.
JG