I feel like throwing the towel guys!

[LONESOME]

Well I can't believe I'm about to say this but I really feel like throwing the towel guys, I'm so frustrated feel like I'm not doing anything good I have so much in my plate right now and for the first time in 4 months since I been on the sub I feel like I just once I want to feel like I did not when I was full flown addict but just when I was taking a few hydros. I really hate my self for saying it but I'm really falling hard in my a***** and just want to stop everything and just say no no no no to everything and everyone. I'm on sub still and doing good but lately I don't know can you guys help me just say mean things to me so that I can snap at least lol
Thank you (and I'm not lonesome) lol
I'm Galdy and I'm and addict  

[insearchof4]

Hmmmm...lots of good input (and some hard core stuff from lifesaride...geez...maybe could be a little on the softer side).  I am a recovering addict and alcoholic and have been in AA since I gave up both 18 months ago.  I have mixed feelings about AA.  There are almost no NA mtgs where I live and some AA mtg places are really taboo on drug topics, which can be most frustrating.  I 100% agree that you should try the 12-step program and, by all means, keep shopping meetings until you find a place that fits for you.  That's the trick about AA...it's almost like dating...not every one will end up with a 2nd date.  Fortunately, most towns/cities have multiple choices.  It's amazing how one AA group can be a real turn-off and others can be so awesome.  The program of AA itself is phenomenal.  Since I am cross-addicted, it has sometimes been tough to relate to strictly alcoholic crowd.  For the first 6 months, I went to tons of mtgs.  Now I don't have geographic access and only go once a week.  But I still spend quality time with my friends from AA (sometimes that's even better than a mtg...it only takes 2 people to create a meeting..for real).  I have so many true friends who care about me that I've met through the "program".  That's the good part.  We all need to stick together (those of us in recovery).   Whether it's at a meeting, or one-on-one time with a recovering friend, or in a chat room, we are made stronger from the experience.  All I can suggest about AA mtgs is take the good part and leave the rest behind.  Shop around and you might find a great support system.  I am going to the beach and bike riding in the morning with a new friend a met thru A.A.  It all works out for the good for those of us who truly want to be healthy.  You are not alone!!

[malenurse57]

Lonesome,
  All I can really offer is heartfelt prayer for you. You have come to far to go back now. Hand in there we are all believin' in ya. God bless.
"T"

[toxictome]

I have heard about finding drugs at NA mtgs., but I havent' heard that about AA mtgs. Just remember...today you have the choice to "SAY NO TO DRUGS"!!! lol

[LONESOME]

Thank you I will find a place TODAY and go because I think it will be very helpful for me and my son

[worried878]

That is too bad ur husband feels that way about NA/AA...wonderful places to get support .. i go to a ladies group every monday and no one there would dare share drugs, drinks or anything else...it is a peaceful...wholesome group...it is an AA group but it helps me and i fit there...Now I have been to some mixed groups for NA and the men can be a bit crude...now i am deep down south as well...i found the meeting that was right for me...i wish u luck but i would take charge of my recovery if it were me...it is u that has to fight this battle to stay clean...look for a ladies group even if it is AA...good luck and keep posting

[LONESOME]

Desprete
Oh yeah my "doctors" are the best there the old fashion ones that do everything for you as far as care goes lol
Emily
Thank you I have a "real Doctor" appt. today lol I'm going to restracture my medications and stuff and see if that will work.
Toxictome
Yes I really need to go to meetings my husband didn't want me to go he still dosen't want me to go because he says that is a good place to find drugs and stuff he dosen't even know cause thanks God he dosen't have any problems with drugs or alcohool but I guess some of his friends have gone to AA and that is what they say

[toxictome]

Absolutely....an AA or NA mtg. would be GREAT!!! I am also a recovering alcoholic. I have been going to AA mtgs. for over 17 yrs.  I haven't had a drink, but I did get hooked on vicodin  3 yrs. ago.  Yes, I substituted one drug for another. I have been clean for 5 months. I like AA better than NA......just my personal preference. The meetings teach you how to deal w/ life on lifes terms. As others have said, shop around until you find a meeting you like.

I haven't had cravings for alcohol in yrs., but i still get cravings for the pills. Going to  a meeting gives you a place to talk about it and get support. It also gives you a chance to make friends w/ sober, clean people. It does get better. Just hang in there!!!

[EmilyPost]

I'm also glad to see you are feeling better today. I'll be hoping that you and your son walk into the exact right meeting and find comfort there! Know this, you are not alone. We are all here with you.

Hugs,
Emily

[desperate1111]

your little "doctors" are awesome. that was so cute. sounds like you have a lot of good stuff on your plate. good luck to you.

[Korley]

You can try both. Where I live there are not really a lot of N.A meetings so there are many people that go to A.A for pills. We are all addicts no matter what our drug of choice may be, drugs or alcohol. So you go to whichever you feel more comfortable. There are so many meetings, so if you don't like one, don't give up. Just keep meeting shopping until you find the one that is perfect for you!

[LONESOME]

Yeah I'm going to try them but do I go to NA or AA? also I'm going to have to try to drag my son

[sadinmichigan]

I am so glad you are feeling better today..I agree with Korley.what do you have to lose by going to a meeting..I have been told to go as well and go to all different ones until you find one your comfortable with..the worst thing that can happen is you don't like them..but you could gain so much..xo Lisa

[Korley]

Well personally for me A.A pretty much saved me life. I am a recovering alcoholic and have not had a drink in over 4 yrs. I picked up the pills a while back and once again proved to myself that I can not ever use any substance. The 12 step program is a way of life, a beatiful way of like at that. I think that any person who participates in the program will benefit in every way possible. I am so happy that you are feeling better today. Your girls sound adorable. Just try a meeting, what do you have to lose?

[LONESOME]

Good morning, I can't belive all of you took the time to say something to me I really really thank all of you for helping me get my c*** together, last night I got home at 6:30pm and just crash cause I was still feeling sorry for my a*** and wanted to just do something very stupid so I just got my girls and told them I wanted to play "DOCTOR" they love playing doctor and diagnosing me and take care of me they have there labcoats and everything lol, so we did my diagnosis according to them was " not enough love" and the rx they game me was great cause this am I woke up a little better then I logged in to find all of you fine ppl took the time to write and care for me and so I feel SO MUCH BETTER.
Really guys thank you is beeing a horrible week for me with my health problems and my addiction but I thought about it and is not worth going back to that life is not.
Thank you need your advise on AA on NA meetings good thing or not sure or not good?
What do you think?
Galdy

[avisg]

awwwe hun ,it is going to get better .You know if you go back to the meds that wont make you happy either .We are all here to help you get threw this . There will be better days.:)
avis

[Korley]

I agree w/ Teddy. If the pills were so great and so much fun then what are you doing on this forum? There is a saying in A.A and it is THINK THINK THINK. The first think those pills might sound like a great idea, the second think is well maybe a good idea, but not so sure, and the third think is what the expletive am I thinking? I am an addict and I can never use. Those pills will never bring me happiness, peace or serenity. Those pills will only bring you shame, guilt, depression, physical pain. So if that is really what you want, but I don't think that it is. Everyone has a lot on their plate, but we get throught it. Please turn this over to God, get down on your hands and knees right now and give up your cravings to Him!

[lifesaride]

nice, so your gonna throw in the towel huh? well you can do that, you can go get a few hydros, or maybe even a full script if you lie good enough.or hit the street and buy off someone. and yeah your gonna feel great specially after the four mouths of hell yu been living. yep, then tomorrow you can get up and hit a few more, wash your car, clean the house do everything. then the next day hopefully youll still have some to take cuz you'll be hurting if ya dont. but no big deal you can always lie somemore to get some, or use your bill money to buy some or better yet steal some from your family or a good friend of yours.yeah then youll feel better again, definately better than youve been feeling that last four months you been living in hell.so go ahead knock yourself out. cuz we all know that the last four months have been so horrible that you deserve a break from the pressure and stress of being straight. i mean really so what you havent wasted any money on pills, or worry when your gonna run out where your gonna get more, thats not half as stressful as what youve been going thru lately.and yeah so what if you take a rock hard dump and see blood in the toilet maybe everyother day, hey, atleast you wont be stressin right?and dont worry we'll all be here going thru the hell we're living thinkin why is lonesome having all that fun and were not. just make sure you drop in time to time to tell us about how good your feelin taking those hydros, and how great your life is while your popin all those pills. be god to yourself, Teddy

[marcatj]

don't do it sweety..

i did it on Sub.  i stopped a couple days and took some hydro's.

horrible decision.  along with the failure and shame i felt, with the Sub in your system, you're not going to get "high" anyway...

trust me on this.

ride it out... it will pass.  and you'll be VERY proud you did...

good luck,
mj

[insearchof4]

I agree that tomorrow is going to be a new day.  Most of us have had days when we wanted to throw in the towel...at least I have...and there have been many days when I was scaring myself because I dwelled on the 'permanent alternative', e.g., ending my pain and suffering, and ending the possibility for a new life.  I am happy to report that I rarely think of such a radical and horrible alternative any more.  No matter how bad a day might be, I have learned that life can be quite nice if I just focus on positive things.  I do little things that help like writing a "gratitude list"...just a few short lines of the things I have to be thankful for.  Many of us in the forum have serious health issues and that makes the challenge even greater, but I think of Helen Keller...who has had it worse than her??  One of my favorite inspirational quotes from her.."Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therein to be content".  I have grandchildren, too.  And I have back injuries which make it hard for me to pick them up.  I'm learning to find my own small slice of contentment, and it's only been possible by focusing on all the things that I have to be thankful for rather than the things that s****.  I was so suicidal for many months last year that my family stayed on constant alert.  Now I realize that nothing is worth giving up the gift of life.  Hang in there, sweet one.  Remember that you are here for a special reason...

[wannabefree330]

What you are feeling is NORMAL for us addicts.  Try to play the tape all the way through.  Till it gets to the part where you are sick and tired of the pills controlling your life?  Yes they may provide a short fix, but will just add another thing to have to take care of.  We are with you.  do whatever you have to do to stay away from them.  Lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour or however long you need in order to get through this craving.  You have come so far.  I know life is overwhelming but remember, you don't have to tackle everything at once.  Make a list of things you want to accomplish.  Start at the top and work your way down.  Don't try to do more than you can right now.

[sadinmichigan]

please don't give in/up. You can do this..Keep fighting...Love Lisa

[cathy5841]

keep in mind that everybody has a bad day from time to time...even non-addicts.  it will get better.  you are doing a great job...hang in there til the tide turns around.  good luck

[joann1975]

Galdy.....I am sorry I wasn't on earlier when you were having you rough time. I hope it is over.... You can do this...just stay stong! I can't say mean things to you to snap you out of it b/c you are to sweet! I will keep you in my prayers.... JoAnn

[bandnmom]

Stay strong and chalk it up as  just a bad day. you have come this far and you know you dont want to ever go back!!! tomorrow is another day and it will be a better one!