I found myself back with the devil when i swore i'd never use again

[jim281]

Ok I've been usin again for about 2 weeks the last 7 days everyday before work so that im not going sick and possibly losing my job.  Before this slip up i had almost 6 months clean.  but 4 of those months i was in the MonDay Program.  which is a theriputic community that focuses on your behaviors.  I didn't start usin until 2 years ago and between jail and the program i probably only used a total of 15 months.  Plenty of time to ruin everything in my life.  And i have only been through 1 rehab.  But now that ive realized where im at again I am very desperated to get sober again, in the end its much better.  But i just wasnt thinkn about that the first time i used again a couple a weeks ago and now i need to stop before it gets anymore out of hand!!  Im letting my son and family down not to metion the shame im carring because of it!  But within that time of usin the only way ive quite was when i went to jail and i was forced to cold turkey it.  I havent done anything YET to get me back there and i want to stop on my own.  But will i have the willpower to not just get better when its unbearable.  Ive told my family and they want to support me because im off this weekend and im gonna detox, hopefully.  But they don''t have the slightest clue what im going through and it makes it hard for me to listen to them because of that.  Either way i used a small amount this morning because i was suppose to work, but it was cancelled and i start now!!  Will 2 weeks even have that much of an impact on me with the withdrawls?  Please give me advice because although im very determined i havent been able to do it before,  I just want myself and family back.  PLEASE HELP

[worried878]

we r all different..but if it were me..and it is not me..it is u..i would make a plan..and evaluate what i had tried in the past and what i can change about that plan to make it work this time
1.  are you keeping pills even tho u r trying to quit?  number  one way to fail during the physical wd period..even old timers/clean for yrs dont keep pills in their accss
2.  Have u ever extended ur aftercare past inpatient rehab?  do u have a support group now that u visit for support/even just when needed? when someone is relapsing, bumping up meetings to as often as possible is a good plan for most
3.  try and think about what u could do different this time to put all the balls in ur court..so u dont fail..we live and learn...draw from past experiences and remember what u tried and what u may have shoulda tried..re-evaluate ur plan...every mistake is a learning experience...mistakes like relapse suk major hotdogs..but we can look back and learn from it
4.  Can u list the reasons u quit here? Can u go back and try and remember the pain using has caused u? write it down..if not here then on a piece of paper at home...sharing here canhelp others too....u r not alone..dont forget that

[ZJILLIAN]

Read your post this morning and really felt for you. Again, I find using any survival techniques helpful: like, relaxation techniques (corny but powerful), NA meetings, prayer, self hypnosis, anything you might have picked up along the way. I know this sounds silly but I learned these things back in the old days in AA and detox/rehabs and when I am brought to my knees again by drugs I begin to pay attention and use any and every aide I can think of.

[daisy699]

Hi Jim! I am recovering from H and today is 4 mos... after having some clean time b4 my last relapse alot like yourself... My run was about 6mos compared to your 2weeks? So with that said my wd's were not nearly as bad as they've been in the past trying to kick my honest opinion is that I don't think your so far gone physically in two weeks that you can't do it on your own...if you WANT to I would definately look up the thomas recipe on here and modify it to your liking and take what you can from it. it has helped numerous ppl on here. Alot of the wd's from H are dfinately mental..hence why you could do it easily in jail...b/c your mind knew there was no chance in getting any..I always was able to convince myself that I was soooooo sick I'd die if I didn't use then remarkably while in treatment knowing I couldn't "fix" it myself I was able to push through and kick w/ very little assistance from meds?? I was feeling so much better by day 4! 72hrs to 96hrs was the worst for me BUT tolerable b/c I was ready to rid myself of the demon and I wanted it BAD!! You CAN do this Jim just tighten up your boot straps prepare for the worst and PRAY for the best...I can promise you it will get worse b4 better but SO worth it in the end when your feeling better and have no more guilt and shame to carry around....Sorry for the long post I truly hope it helps you please feel free to p.m me anytime if you want to talk or need a lift...Daisy

[merrymaria]

hi there....i am an addict to opiates which is very close to H....i have been clean for almost 15 months....i too wanted myself back with nothing controlling me.  well back in july 08 i took my 2 week vacation to detox....felt pretty good in 7 days but wanted that extra week just in case and i m glad i did cos i did have some bad days that next week.  i m sure most physical wds will be over in 2 weeks but the mental part hangs on a bit.   no one knows what we go through unless you ve been through it...so take your families support and hang in there...you can do it and you ll feel better as the days pass.  keep posting and venting and maybe keep a journal about your personal feelings...good luck to you..maria