I gotta get over it!

[throwindatowl]

I quit oxys AGAIN 12 days ago. The two week mark has almost always got me. Not this time. Im still alittle scared though. Ive been know to cave before. I feel really good and feeling strong. Started my mtgs again and that felt great. Im stupid for not going. If I can do this people trust me, you can too. Just believe in yourself. One second at a time. A day is far to long.

[vantart]

I remember driving my pickup years ago in a snow storm when it broke down going to DC to get some dope. I got out of truck and walked the rest of the way (about two miles) in a foot of snow that was still falling. We should pray to be so motivated to get the help we need. Good luck on getting to a meeting. There's something that happens there that i can only blame on God !!

[bird546]

This disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful.
I at one time had 13 years of sobriety and a life I would do anything to get back. Guess I better get started. Unfortunately I cut my thumb off ( they reattached it) 6 years ago and then they hit me with morphine and BAMMM. I found a new friend or so I thought. Before that I never even knew what an opiate was, but I was good little addict and learned all about them. For me they were a lot better than alcohol and cocaine and xtc. That I had gotten sober from so long ago and uhhh a Dr. a REALLLLY GOOOD Dr. surely he knew what was best for me I mean he like put my thumb back on and that had to kinda tricky right. Well anyway he also introduced me to percs. Which I found if you take enough of them create a feeling like warm sunshine in a field with a gentle breeze blowing and everything is gonna be ok. Right?? No unfortunately they destroy every good thing in your life. Really they do. I never saw it coming at first but after I realized what had happened I was in full blown gimme more d--- the torpedoes full speed ahead painkiller addiction. Use, regret, Use, regret Use regret and where did the last six years go and does my oldest son look at me like, like ughh where ya been dad? Things were so good what happened? Thank God it appears I may just get another chance with him he is 14 and a has a very forgiving spirit. Anyway I know this my w/d's are done or almost done and as soon I can find one I am going to a meeting tonight if there is one anywhere around here. I live in the sticks surrounded by 9000 acres of govt land great places to hunt, fish, ride dirt bikes whatever. Did I mention I cut my thumb off oh yea well I did that putting down the floors in this house. So I have never been to a meeting in the last six years. Wait a minute???? Got high, and continued to and stopped going to meetings. Wow math on that one doesn't take Stephen Hawking to figure out. I am shy, and not really thrilled about the prospect of driving all the way back to where I used to go, but hey it beats the alternatives like uggghh, Incarceration, death, wow what a great legacy to leave with your kids huh. Trust me one this one find a meeting. Go to it. And so on and so on and so on. And for me if I am conscious I will never take anything but a local for pain cuz this ain't gonna happen again. I am going to try to find a meeting in this town tonight. Big snow storm gonna hit us so hope I can, but if not I will find one as soon as the roads are clear. Wait a minute I just realized I have a four wheel drive truck, I know this because I was able to get dope during the last storm we had at Christmas so.....
Maybe I could use the same amount of effort to work towards sobriety. Huh cool. Oh did I mention when I started using again I didn't have a sponsor.......   Good luck Man :)

[throwindatowl]

Thanks for answering my questions. Recovery is something I intend on working on everyday. Im clean today and thats good.

[dominosarah]

Exactly!!

[vantart]

"Recovery is like being on an escalator. You're never standing still."

ref:
Staying Sober by Terrence Gorski

[IBKleen]

My sponsor is younger than me and her doc is not the same as mine. She too is a tough lady and gives me what I need, not what I want to hear.

Choosing a sponsor because he shares your doc makes no sense. If you and your sponsor and exchanging war stories or discussing your active addiction, then something is wrong. Your sponsor is there to help you work on your recovery.

I chose my sponsor because she had something I wanted. I liked her recovery and I liked how she got it.

One thing I will tell you, any sponsor worth his weight will have something to say about going to a meeting once a week this early in recovery. 90 in 90 is recommended for a reason and if you are not willing to do that for yourself I think you are going to have issues with anyone you ask. Recovery is not something you work on once a week.

[dominosarah]

My sponsor is close to my age and was addicted to something different than i.  She has many years clean but lives the one day at a time.  She is tough as nails but has a heart of gold.  Just what i needed.  I have to be told straight up, no coddling.

[throwindatowl]

Ahh, The weekend is comming to an end and I made it. To answer a couple questions.   Did I get a sponser yet. NO. I am on Wendesday. Ive been going to just one meeting a week and I know thats not enough and intend to up my meetings. My reason for not getting a sponser is IM a very shy guy. Im also having a hard time getting over the feeling of being a burdon on someone. I didnt know if I was really ready to quit and didnt want to let another person down. Im tired of letting people down. I love going to meetings but I have to say I cant do the 90 in 90. I dont ever wanna look at mtgs as a boring drag. Im not sure why but it kinda feels like a switch was turned off in my mind. My cravings are much better. They say its all in the mind right? So Im ready to get my sponser, looking forward to it. You guys all rock and without you all Im sure id be messin up. I remember so so many really bad sunday mornings due to using massive amounts of oxys all weekend long and that BAD feeling having no money, wd, and having to deal with a new week not knowing how Id get gas or food or more drugs. Not this week! Yeah!   Question?   Anybody have a hard time getting a sponser? Who should I pick. Someone my age? Someone with an oxy addiction?   Either way. Ill let you guys know who the lucky sucker is HAHA... Boy, hes gonna have his hands full with me.

[gnarly_1]

Hey dude congrats on 12 days.....if your struggling step up the meetings in the beginning you can never have 2 many....alot of people do 90 meeting in 90 days if this thig is tormenting you dont just do nothing about it sometimes we need to go outside our comfort zone to find help and I also agree with Sara have you found a sponsor yet??
you can do this dude just remember for this to work we need to change the very way we think hang in there good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[ang_811]

congrats on 12 days..keep it up..remember we do it just for today..if u can do that u got this..big hugs....angie ♥

[LeaAnn807]

Congrats on 12 days!  Does your town have a group like "Celebrate Recovery?" I go to one a week at church. It's cristian based and not for everyone, but it's wonderful for some!  It's not like AA or any 12 step meeting.  So I'm getting support from different sources. It's been healthy for me! ;-)

[Jaybay]

Git 'er done buddy!  :-D

[IBKleen]

How often are you attending meetings?

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 12 days!!  Have you thought about getting a sponsor yet?