Aa
I have 4 days to withdraw from Vicodin
I have 4 days to get off of Vicodin. The 5th day I have to pick up my year and a half old grandson to babysit him for 6 days. I have taken 1-2 Vicodin a day 7.5mgs for the past 3 years for pelvic pain. At first, like most people, they put me in a very happy mood (I have bipolar- mostly depression). Then after awhile, I didn't get happy anymore, I just needed one a day to get out of bed. Then I would crave one mid-afternoon. It got to be more and more that I had to take 2 a day. I had my script filled for 20- 11 days ago. I only have 6 left. I gave them to my husband to hold on so I can take one a day for the six days I have my grandson, so I will be able to function and enjoy him. Without the 6 pills for the 6 days I am fearful of going through a depression and not being able to function as well as I should. SO the problem is what should I do to lessen the side effects of getting off these pills for 5 days? After that, when I take the 6 for 6 days- I want OFF them for good. One time I did order from overseas pharmacy, but they charged my credit card twice for one script, so I canceled the script as I was mad about that and also afraid to get in trouble because I heard it is illegal. Does anyone out there think my withdrawals won't be so bad because I don't take that much? The problem is the amount of years I have been taking them I think. I have klonopin here and also librium, I am not sure which would be the better drug to just stay sedated while I withdraw. That is what the would give you in the hospital. I know because I was in there for alcohol detox, but there again that was alcohol and I am not sure if the klonopin or librium will help with a vicodin withdrawal. I am not sure what amount of either drug per day is acceptable or should I just go by how nervous I am getting? I have a love/hate relationship with this drug- and I know I have to get off of them because if I am taking this $hit then I am truly not 100% sober. And I am disgusted and ashamed that here I am, now a grandmother, taking care of her grandson and feeling I need those pills to function in order to take good care of him. My husband has been laid off almost 2 years and at least he will be around if the baby gets to be too much for me (he is very energetic and crawls around at about 90 mph and you can't keep your eyes off him for a second). SO I guess my big question is: IS there anyone out there that has withdrawn from this small of amount and is my addiction more pyschological then physical and will klonopin or librium be helpful to get me through it. THIS TOTALLY $UCKS!!!
I have been clean from vicodin for almost a month now. It took me 5 days of just dealing with burning muscle and bone pain. Then done. Now I am looking to get off the booze. I have a script I just fillled for Campral. I know it doesn't do anything for withdrawals. I posted something about how to do a withdrawal at home. I do NOT want to go to detox, and I am afraid to admit to my doctor that I went from having slips and now am back into a full blown relapse. I want to get off the booze by the end of this week and start with the Campral and back to AA meetings. I couldn't believe I kicked vicodin, that was worse then any alcohol detox I have ever been through.
I've read a few of your posts. Hope all is going ok. Sounds like you are doing better. I am on day 17 from getting off Vicodin. I was taking 3 per day for 3 months. Before that I was taking 6 per day for 4 years. I tapered by going down 1/2 every 3 days until I went off. It's going better than expected, but I still have some fatigue during the day, not at night. I feel great at night. Experts say it takes about 3 weeks. The first week being the hardest. My aches like in my bones, the bathroom stuff and wiggly legs at night, that's all over with. And I have no trouble going on walks and doing housework. It is just that there is still that dang fatigue during the day. Which is quite tolerable by now, for me, but still I can't wait until I feel even better than this. You are not imagining anything - getting off or detoxing has to go in steps and takes a bit of time then you start getting some of your own energy back. btw I'm 57. And trust me booze makes detox from vicodin much worse. Yuk. Good luck to us both.
Well, my grandson is back hom now. Since Monday. I missed the moment we brought him back and left. I spent the last two days sick- both my husband and I must have caught the cold that my grandson picked up from day school. Yes, my script for Chantix was prescribed by my doctor. I was going to start it today, but thought better of it. Last time I took it had some really vivid dreams, can't remember if I had insomnia, but I also did have nauseau. I want to wait a bit until things around here calm down. At least things in my head calm down I should say. I really want to stop chewing nicotine gum, but I have bigger fish to fry at the moment!
Well.....it's like this as I see it.....on your first post when I read it I felt like I was hearing you say you want help and need to quit and then the next sentence would be your addiction talking giving all these excuses as to why you shouldn't.
Of course you can talk about your addiction here what I meant was that you don't have to give a ton of excuses as to why you use. You use because you are an addict it's that simple. No one is "perfect" or even "normal" for that matter.
I never meant to imply that your not a good person, for sure!!!!! . We are all here because we are suffering from many of the same illnesses, bi polar, anxiety, addiction so we can understand without a doubt that their is ALWAYS a reason to use , trust me I used to tell myself them all, sometimes I still do.........I can see that you have alot going on inside and it may be helpful to get help counseling, therapy , and talk to your MD and let him/her know what you are trying to do so you don't run the risk of seizure due to the drinking.
. I need to remember that we are all in different place in our "addiction" and or "recovery" ....and we are lucky to havve this forum allowing us to give and recieve support.
As far as your family is concerned it sounds like you have a good husband and I can tell you love your grandson, if your sister and daughter are also suffering from addiction at this point there isn't much you can do for them as you need to take care of yourself right now. ......once you can get on the road to recovery everything else will begin to fall into place. .....Bless!
Of course you can talk about your addiction here what I meant was that you don't have to give a ton of excuses as to why you use. You use because you are an addict it's that simple. No one is "perfect" or even "normal" for that matter.
I never meant to imply that your not a good person, for sure!!!!! . We are all here because we are suffering from many of the same illnesses, bi polar, anxiety, addiction so we can understand without a doubt that their is ALWAYS a reason to use , trust me I used to tell myself them all, sometimes I still do.........I can see that you have alot going on inside and it may be helpful to get help counseling, therapy , and talk to your MD and let him/her know what you are trying to do so you don't run the risk of seizure due to the drinking.
. I need to remember that we are all in different place in our "addiction" and or "recovery" ....and we are lucky to havve this forum allowing us to give and recieve support.
As far as your family is concerned it sounds like you have a good husband and I can tell you love your grandson, if your sister and daughter are also suffering from addiction at this point there isn't much you can do for them as you need to take care of yourself right now. ......once you can get on the road to recovery everything else will begin to fall into place. .....Bless!
my opinion-- stay on the vikes until your grandson leaves....you should sort of "plan" withdrawal, like having a "flu" when you have nothing to do...
I hope that you are taking chantix under your doctor supervision because you have just said that you can not take antidepressants and chantix was initially made as a sort of prozac and then used as an antismoking help .....i can be very wrong about chantix as i am only speaking from what i remember from reading the brochure and the warnings... but check about chantix and antidepressants
you are taking it with your doctor knowledge , right ? :)
you are taking it with your doctor knowledge , right ? :)
Good Morning,
Today is Monday and my grandson is up and having breakfast. He had anothr rough morning and early afternoon yesterday. Then all of a sudden he was his usual happy, little self. I think his molars have totally come through his gums so now he is feeling a little better. He was all cuddly with us late afternoon and then was nicely playing and being funny. It was the perfect ending to a kinda crazy weekend. So I will be giving him a bath soon, getting him dressed, packing up all of his stuff and making sure his new haircut (that I gave him-lol) looks perfect so his Mom will be pleased. She really misses him after 5 days without him. My daughter is in denial that she is a very highly-functioning alcoholic. So is her husband. I have talked to her about it years ago (she is 35 now) and she admitted she probably was, and then a day later said she isn't. My sister is also an active alcoholic. If anyone is living in the past it is my sister. She is the one who found our father dead in the family garage and she can't get over it. I suggested she go to counseling, she won't. I asked her to just go to ONE AA meeting with me, as a "guest" and she won't do that either. She said she is not ready to quit. I now realize I have made suggestions, but I am not the boss of my family. They will do what they will do. My main responsibility has to be to me and my soberiety, for without I will be dead in the water so to speak. I have to set a truthful example to my family that it is possible to live sober. I did admit to my sister that I had a few slips since first going to AA in February. She said- yeah, so big deal. Well, it is a big deal. At some point, and I am at that point after this weekend, that I am done with the slips. I gotta get a sponsor asap and learn to call if I feel i might drink. When I drank this weekend I actually seemed to be "present in the moment" compared to be a zombie and not thinking about what I was doing when i was heavily drinking. I realized I don't even like alcohol! My addiction of course did not want to hear that one, so I did drink those few drinks. But with each sip I was actually thinking for once. I realized I lost the person I used to be, and even that person wasn't exactly the poster child for integrity and responsibility. I realized that I still have been behaving like a little kid that doesn't want to do there homework. Today has to be the day I start acting like what I am- a grown woman. To Pomolady- thanks for your responses. I am a little confused as to what you mean by my addiction can't come here. How am I supposed to get help and support on here if I can't talk about my addiction? Can I talk about my what I am doing to get better? Really, I am confused. If I don't (well, I already did) talk about my past, how will you get to know me? My husband tells me I am the nicest person he knows. I am nice! I treat every person how I would like to be treated...with respect, and kindness and compassion. I have to start treating myself the same way! :) One by one I am taking stock of things I want to change about myself. One thing is this smoking AND chewing gum at the same time. So I start the medication Chantix today. I have anxiety and panic disorder that can be close to disabling at times. My husband is unable to find work (almost 2 years now) and I really want to go out and try to find a job to help. I get a pension and we are almost able to squeak by on that alone. But he or I need to get a job to make ends meet. I have applied for four jobs now and each time have had a panic attack and was unable to follow through. As people may know by reading my posts I also have bipolar disorder. I am hoping by staying away from booze and pills that these things will improve. I have daily low-grade depression despite mood stabilizers. I cannot take anti-depressants because of the bipolar. Another good reason to break out the treadmill. Working out really does relieve anxiety and help you not feel so depressed. I also have to work really really hard on my negativity. I have a cartoon hanging up on my fridge where a doctor goes in and tells the patient, "You have tested positive for being negative". That is basically me. I have a really dry, good sense of humor for the most part. It runs in our Irish family. I think that has saved my a$$ quite a few times. Since I have suffered some major deep dark depressions over my life, I now know that no matter how bad I may get depressed, that there is alway light at the end of the tunnel. I will never ever give up on myself! If I have to fall down a million times, I will get back up a million times. I always have and always will. Well, time to get my grandson ready to go back home. :(
Today is Monday and my grandson is up and having breakfast. He had anothr rough morning and early afternoon yesterday. Then all of a sudden he was his usual happy, little self. I think his molars have totally come through his gums so now he is feeling a little better. He was all cuddly with us late afternoon and then was nicely playing and being funny. It was the perfect ending to a kinda crazy weekend. So I will be giving him a bath soon, getting him dressed, packing up all of his stuff and making sure his new haircut (that I gave him-lol) looks perfect so his Mom will be pleased. She really misses him after 5 days without him. My daughter is in denial that she is a very highly-functioning alcoholic. So is her husband. I have talked to her about it years ago (she is 35 now) and she admitted she probably was, and then a day later said she isn't. My sister is also an active alcoholic. If anyone is living in the past it is my sister. She is the one who found our father dead in the family garage and she can't get over it. I suggested she go to counseling, she won't. I asked her to just go to ONE AA meeting with me, as a "guest" and she won't do that either. She said she is not ready to quit. I now realize I have made suggestions, but I am not the boss of my family. They will do what they will do. My main responsibility has to be to me and my soberiety, for without I will be dead in the water so to speak. I have to set a truthful example to my family that it is possible to live sober. I did admit to my sister that I had a few slips since first going to AA in February. She said- yeah, so big deal. Well, it is a big deal. At some point, and I am at that point after this weekend, that I am done with the slips. I gotta get a sponsor asap and learn to call if I feel i might drink. When I drank this weekend I actually seemed to be "present in the moment" compared to be a zombie and not thinking about what I was doing when i was heavily drinking. I realized I don't even like alcohol! My addiction of course did not want to hear that one, so I did drink those few drinks. But with each sip I was actually thinking for once. I realized I lost the person I used to be, and even that person wasn't exactly the poster child for integrity and responsibility. I realized that I still have been behaving like a little kid that doesn't want to do there homework. Today has to be the day I start acting like what I am- a grown woman. To Pomolady- thanks for your responses. I am a little confused as to what you mean by my addiction can't come here. How am I supposed to get help and support on here if I can't talk about my addiction? Can I talk about my what I am doing to get better? Really, I am confused. If I don't (well, I already did) talk about my past, how will you get to know me? My husband tells me I am the nicest person he knows. I am nice! I treat every person how I would like to be treated...with respect, and kindness and compassion. I have to start treating myself the same way! :) One by one I am taking stock of things I want to change about myself. One thing is this smoking AND chewing gum at the same time. So I start the medication Chantix today. I have anxiety and panic disorder that can be close to disabling at times. My husband is unable to find work (almost 2 years now) and I really want to go out and try to find a job to help. I get a pension and we are almost able to squeak by on that alone. But he or I need to get a job to make ends meet. I have applied for four jobs now and each time have had a panic attack and was unable to follow through. As people may know by reading my posts I also have bipolar disorder. I am hoping by staying away from booze and pills that these things will improve. I have daily low-grade depression despite mood stabilizers. I cannot take anti-depressants because of the bipolar. Another good reason to break out the treadmill. Working out really does relieve anxiety and help you not feel so depressed. I also have to work really really hard on my negativity. I have a cartoon hanging up on my fridge where a doctor goes in and tells the patient, "You have tested positive for being negative". That is basically me. I have a really dry, good sense of humor for the most part. It runs in our Irish family. I think that has saved my a$$ quite a few times. Since I have suffered some major deep dark depressions over my life, I now know that no matter how bad I may get depressed, that there is alway light at the end of the tunnel. I will never ever give up on myself! If I have to fall down a million times, I will get back up a million times. I always have and always will. Well, time to get my grandson ready to go back home. :(
Hi gsheps :) welcome here
we all come here with our addictions, don't get discouraged please, we think we can't and this is one of the lies of active addiction... there is always something that keep us using but you are taking the right steps to build up your confidence... keep up reading posts and getting support, we come here to find support no matter how bad we feel our addiction is, we will always be addicts but we can be happy again by working on our recovery...the mental part is the hardest so fill yourself with positive thoughts even if you don't quite believe on them,... all the work will finally pay off :)
YOU CAN DO IT TOO... make yourself believe it :)
we all come here with our addictions, don't get discouraged please, we think we can't and this is one of the lies of active addiction... there is always something that keep us using but you are taking the right steps to build up your confidence... keep up reading posts and getting support, we come here to find support no matter how bad we feel our addiction is, we will always be addicts but we can be happy again by working on our recovery...the mental part is the hardest so fill yourself with positive thoughts even if you don't quite believe on them,... all the work will finally pay off :)
YOU CAN DO IT TOO... make yourself believe it :)
To Vicki ....Love it enough said.
To Teresa, unfotunetly I don't think Gsheps gets it, that's all I have not doubt that some part of her wants to get sober but her addiction is so big right now it's taken over and it's fighting the good fight.......
Gsheps.....I don't know you at all but from what I can tell I have been reading posts from you addiction on here and the people on here would like to get to know the real you. NOT your addiction, she is scared that you don't need her anymore and dosen't want to let her go. Go ahead and let her know that you have friends on here that want to spend time with you and she can't come. This is a place of healing and vulnerability and your addiction just cant come. I would love to get to know you but leave your addiction outta this place. Be Blessed!
To Teresa, unfotunetly I don't think Gsheps gets it, that's all I have not doubt that some part of her wants to get sober but her addiction is so big right now it's taken over and it's fighting the good fight.......
Gsheps.....I don't know you at all but from what I can tell I have been reading posts from you addiction on here and the people on here would like to get to know the real you. NOT your addiction, she is scared that you don't need her anymore and dosen't want to let her go. Go ahead and let her know that you have friends on here that want to spend time with you and she can't come. This is a place of healing and vulnerability and your addiction just cant come. I would love to get to know you but leave your addiction outta this place. Be Blessed!
My apologies if my post above sounded like I was suggesting you were posting with "for support of my poor me syndrome". It wasn't my intention at all.
I know how hard this whole addiction and trying to get clean thing is.
Stay strong.
Magi
I know how hard this whole addiction and trying to get clean thing is.
Stay strong.
Magi
im trying to read all the posts in this forum. its hard with the length of some of them. all im trying to do is get my self to realize there is others with the same problem i have. being put down for relapsing is not the way to support people with addiction. my problem is im married to a addict- i am an addict myself. i started drinking when i was 14 my father is an alcoholic. i too had abuse in my life (5 sisters 1 brother. all of us were abused) my mother as well. i however do not use that as an excuse, i feel i am a grown woman with 4 of my own children, i make my own choices, my own decisions. i thought most of my life i"ve been doing the right thing, unfortunatley i realize now im definatley not the person i thought i was. this addiction is the hardest. im a smoker, i drink alcohol everyday, and i take my pills everyday. the only good thing i think is if you looked at me or talked to me in person you would never be able to tell. i dont have the 'poor me' syndrome. i have the 'what the hell are you doing with your life' syndrome. this ***** i dont know if im even ready to quit yet. all i can do is get my mind in shape and realize i really do need to quit, i am very, very confused.
Good Morning- I totally agree 110% with what you are saying. Except for the parts that I am just on here for support of my poor me syndrome. I am on here as a way of venting my frustrations with myself. If anyone reads my posts and thinks I am in denial of being an addict, also, that is not correct. I have no doubt I am an addict. I mean that! That is why I can accept Step 1 of AA- that I can admit I am powerless over alcohol (and pain killers) As far as my going on and on about my problems and my past yesterday -it was because I was drinking. I own that. Believe it or not, it has taken me many years to forgive my mother for things she has done to me and my sister. I have also forgiven my father, and the hardest was my first husband (my daughter' s father) but I also did that and he apologized to me on the phone after many years and I told him that i accepted his apology and forgave him. It does sound like I am using my past as an excuse to drink. I finally except it is no EXCUSE to drink. In fact, I think today is actually when I have totally accepted this! There is no excuse to drink when you are alcoholic. Normal people don't reach for a bottle every time something happens, or over their past. I am not normal. I have to finally accept that the past is what it is, that I have to let Go and let God, if I am ever to lead a better life and be a better person and be truly free . Although I did slip up this weekend (2 days) today is another day and I will not drink for today. I sincerely do want to get and stay sober, and I would hope in some things I have said here that between the lines people here can read and believe me. Perhaps not. I certainly don't expect anyone here to support my drinking and taking pills to get through this weekend of having my grandson here. In fact, I expected a pile of responses much like the last two. And I consider those posts to be honest and the tough love approach and believe it or not I appreciate it and thank you for taking the time to write me. I accept that I have a ton of work yet to do on myself, and yes, I agree I have to start being honest with MYSELF as to what my actions are and to work harder and learn how to live life without drinking or drugging. I didn't start drinking until later in life. I never drank the entire time I raised my daughter, no matter what happened. I also didn't drink during my second marriage. So I think back to that and ask myself if I didn't drink then, why did I start drinking so heavily later in life? I really have no answers, no reasons, no excuses. What happened, happened, even the last few days I can't take back. What I can do today is stay sober and enjoy this last day with my grandson, which I have all intentions of doing. Tomorrow he goes back to his Mom and tomorrow I need to go to AA and then I have work on my soberiety, because yes, I truly do want it. I have to work on my depression, which obviously alcohol does not help with, I have to accept the things I cannot change, and find the courage to change the things I can like the Serenity Prayer says. I feel I can do that. I am also going to call and make an appointment with my doctor to tell her what I have been doing and what she can do to help me. I know I need to start doing something physical, such as walking, hiking, biking- all things I used to do until the bottle got a hold of me- or should I say I got a hold of the bottle. I used to be addicted to exercise and I think if I am going to have an addiction then that would be the one to have...but even that can be a problem, as I have seen people so addicted to exercise that they do nothing else. I want to get back to the person I used to be. Enjoying my hobbies I used to have...gardening, hiking with my dogs, things that are healthy and good for me. I have to start eating better to heal my body from all the damage i did to it. I have to try and heal my brain as well and think positive, not negative- which does not come easy for me. I have to stop complaining! Yes, I have to get off my pity pot and accept the fact that I have been on it far too long. So I will continue to post as to my progress, this forum helps me in that i treat it as a journal, but a journal that actually responds to what I write! I have been told that I should journal, but I never could keep it up. Today is a brand new day, so time to stop writing and time to hang out with my grandson. I pray daily and every night at bedtime for help and guidance from God to put me on the right path. I know the hard work part is my responsibility.
I've read all your posts and the memories of addiction come flooding back. I can relate to what you're going threw, although I never had a drinking problem. I was taking 10-12 Vics or Percs a day for about 4 years. It never seemed to be a good time to stop them, something was always going on. It's not easy. Not when just that one pill or drink can solve all the pain and problems. We all know that. But eventually we must run out of reasons for not quiting, if we truly are ready to quit. I think you are ready. No, it may not have been the best time to try while you had your grandson, but he'll be going home soon, and then your time is here. You can do this. It will not be easy and it will be painful, but you'll get threw it. You will be very fatigued for quite a while. Accept it. Plan for it. Tell your husband what will be happening, so he can plan for it. Enlist your husbands help, in refusing to buy your booze or anything else. Have him take your car keys away, when you're getting desperate. Set aside your past for now. You're doing this for your future. You can deal with your past when you're well into sobriety.
You CAN do this!
Magi
You CAN do this!
Magi
I hope you are doing alright. This is hard for me to write to you because I honestly don't feel you are here for support in fighting and conquering your addiction but to try to garner support for your "poor me" syndrome. Pomo is right hon that you need to own up to all of your addictions and you need to decide what to do about them. Life is handing you a huge pile of $hit right now and I can so relate in many ways. I will definitely support you in the "Gawd life ***** right now" department but I can't support your taking one pill here and another an hour later and then topping it off with a few drinks "just to make it through"
Girl, you need to own up and stop kidding yourself. You have a serious situation going on and you need to get help immediately. You tell us your husband is a decent man then let him be your backbone and allow him to support you while you finally do what is needed to get yourself clean and sober for good. I hope you can do that sweetheart, I truly do and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Teresa
Girl, you need to own up and stop kidding yourself. You have a serious situation going on and you need to get help immediately. You tell us your husband is a decent man then let him be your backbone and allow him to support you while you finally do what is needed to get yourself clean and sober for good. I hope you can do that sweetheart, I truly do and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Teresa
WOW!!! I struggled to get through all your posts but did, the vicodin is the least of your worries, I don't know you I only know what you post and from that I have to be honest with you. You have a ton of excuses, excuses for everything. Try being honest with yourself, you are not an addict because of your parents or the abuse let the reasons go and accept that you are just that "an addict". If you have to continue to take the vicodin or drink let it be just that , your not ready to BE sober but please let go of all the other crap. You knew deep down that you had no buisness taking care of your grandson in your condition and yet you did it anyway and found an excuse as to why. You are a grown woman if you are going to use then own it please, this is why you have the so called "Bully" in AA, I get the feeling that it's not so much that he is a bully as much as he see's through yourbullshit and excuses. He can call it like it is. I am saying this with the utmost respect, honestly this is meant to help support you weather you see it that way or not. The problem with many addicts is that they have been selling themselfs this "poor me" ******** for so long they forget what's relevent or not. You are an addict because you are that's it accept it. You are not a looser, you are a woman who needs help, and I am just someone observing your story with the opinion that You need to help yourself by first letting go of all the excuses. Let go and Let God, do what they advise in AA even if you relapse then so be it but the sooner you accept who you are the better chance you havve for a lasting recovery if that's what you really want. After all not all adict want sobriety. I hope this helps, and I won;t tell you to forgive your mother but seriously change the way you think about things it will only benefit you. Your mother owes you nothing, NOTHING and the sooner you accept that the better off you will be.
Pomo
Pomo
For whatever reason, I couldn't write as much as I wanted to write in my last post. My computer or this site was giving me trouble. Anyhow, I really want to write a lot more, but I am very tired. Of course, part of my problem is insomnia and no matter how tired I am I can NEVER take a nap, unless I pass out from booze (like in the past-not now) but anyhow I am tired and I will write more either later tonight or tomorrow. My grandson finally has gone down for a nap- he takes one every day at noon, but this time around, due to teething I think, he was up and so cranked up that we finally got him to sleep about a half hour ago. I only hope when it comes time for his regular bedtime later tonight at 8, he will sleep. Anyhow, for now, for those of you reading my posts, I did take a vicoden...then since i didn't feel "awake" enough I took another one half. But that is it for me. That is all I will take. I guess this is a good thing? Like I am not a totally major off the wall take all the pills you have addict? I say this in jest- because just my having take one or two measely pills a day for the past 3 years has brightened and eventually almost ruined my total life! I was/am down! But I am not DONE! I am gonna fight all my demons one by one and live to tell the tale! I have the following demons: child abuse/sexual abuse/mother tried to poison me/father sexually abused me and then killed himself a week later (he was a drunk). Went on to marry my father (classic) that husband also abused me in all ways possible, almost killed me with a hammer. Second husband- not physcially abusive, but verbally. Read above. Now married to a NORMAL, SWEET, LOVING MAN. And I have a really hard time with it because there is no drama here, so I created it for a long time now by acting out and getting drunk to stir things up around here. And that alone would be 100 more posts! He is still with me, and he has been laid off for almost 2 years. We live on my pension. BARELY. His last unemployment check is this week. I don't know what we will do. And then I just found out that I need $18,000 in dental work or it is false teeth! I went through total torture as a young kid- first kid in town with braces, and not only that - HEAD GEAR. I was called METAL MOUTH- TINSEL TEETH- anything you could think of. I went through that at school and then went home to my drunken, mean, abusive father while my equally crazy mother worked the evening shift. THEN, as time went on and I got older the 5 years of braces turned out to be a total waste of time and money as my good old Irish teeth started to crack and crumble to the point I now have all crowns and bridges. Then in early June I was told I have a gum infection and need X amount of teeth pulled out or the infection (which somehow won't subside despite antibotics) that this infection could go to my brain or other organs and possibly kill me. I guess I just don't care or what. My mother has about a million dollars. I told her what the dentist said and she said I don't have any money to help you. I said I didn't ask you for any money, you are my mother- I just wanted to tell you what is happening to me and that I am scared and I am worried because my husband has no job and we are in a really bad place. And what did my millionaire mother say? "OH, OK, I thought you were asking me for money, I have my own problems, I just had to have a bridge replaced in my own mouth and oh! I was golfing (in sunny happy Florida) and hurt my shoulder...then she started balling her brains out about herself. I know money doesn't make anyone happy 100%- and she is the perfect example. She will let her own kid (me) (still haven't had my teeth pulled and I am basically ignoring the whole teeth thing) go without dental care and possibly drop dead from infection to a vital organ because she can't let go of the almighty dollar. Just makes me want to cry, take a vicodin, and have a bunch of drinks....yes, I know it won't help a thing.
Today I had, or so there I thought, a big "brain storm". Basically, the brainstorm of an addict. Since my doc did not call in a script for me and I would have been without any pills all this weekend, and I have been on them- however small the doses, for 3 years- I called my pharamacist and asked him if I could get some "tide-over" pills until my doc refilled my script. He said yes, and right now I am not sounding so happy about it, but he gave me 8 vicoprofens 7.5 for the weekend. I took one, and then all my aches and pains of course went away. I am sure part from the drug and part from just the relief in my mind that i had my "crutch" back. But I didn't stop there. NO, I had to go to the package store and buy booze on top of it! BAD ME BAD ME, I AM A LOSER IAM A LOSER...that is all I say to myself. Ironically, today my grandson, who has been pretty good so far- was at his total worst today. He was cranky, crying, demanding, would not take his nap, etc. etc. All I could think was OMG! Thank GOD I got this small tide over because how could I handle this without my PILL!! THE THING IS I COULD HAVE! )(!$)&)&+! But my addictive mind convinced me otherwise. So I took my pill, had a few drinks and my husband (rightfully) was all over my a$$, even though I was acting so-called normal. He was waiting for me to really start drinking non-stop. The thing is, it is weird, but I had no enjoyment, ZERO, from last night having had just a few whisky drinks.
I am happy you wrote to me and have been following my posts. Obviously, I am not "happy" that you, me and everyone else out there is going through these things that we are, but this is a really good place to write and get your feelings out and it feels really good, at least to me so far, to get support from people here. I thought when I first wrote that everyone here would think I was a total loser of a Grammy with her grandson trying to get through 6 days of taking care of him and at the same time withdrawing from booze and pills. Not an easy task. I am 53, and the one thing I can say is that thank God that at age 36 you have had enough foresight to get on this help line and talk. I didn't have any problems at all until I was about 42. At that time I hurt my back and was given vicodin. It made me totally euphoric from the moment I took my first pill. Being bipolar- undiagnosed at that time and suffering mainly from depression- all of a sudden- from that very first pill, my depression melted away. I was more than over the top HAPPY! To the point I PUT IN MY PAPERS AND RETIRED FROM MY CAREER! That is how powerful and bad this drug is for people like us that it affects in the way we feel very happy and powerful and confident while taking it. Now the big kicker here is I retired from a career as a police officer. I worked for 23 years on that job. Being a girl, it wasn't easy, because I was one of the first women in my state to be a cop. So it was like a big thing. But the men on my job made me miserable and I was young (21 at the time). With time I learned to become one of the guys, swearing, getting in other guys faces that tried to get into mine and then becoming the best cop ever. But I got no credit for what I did. The only credit I got was when I retired and my boss wrote my discharge report. Come to find out, in this report, I was a top of the line cop, solved 100% of all investigations assigned to me, had the best track record, blah, blah, blah. Maybe if I had gotten some encouragement while I was actually doing all these things (I busted my ***!) then maybe I wouldn't have made such a rash decision. But the fact is that the vicoden I started taking just made me feel like I could do, be and conquer anything. I had just gotten through a bad divorce (found out my husband was bi-sexual, hitting on men via the internet and trying and probably hooking up with them while we were married, and to top it off was accepting photos of young boys to look at). I threw his *** out so fast his head should have spun off his shoulders permantely, but unfortunately it didn't. Anyhow, i wasted 14 years with that A$$hole. So I was in a bad place, alone for the first time in 14 years, my daughter from my first and also abusive marriage- he punched me in the stomach when I was 5 months pregnant a week before our wedding...I married him anyway to get away from my whacko mother. Well, I could go on and on. Anyhow, I know how you are feeling and I am taking a lot less of this drug now then you are. It only gets worse. Think about me and my posts and how little of this drug I take. Yes, I have been on it for 3 years now, but no where near the amount that you take and even what you take is not anywhere near what other people here have or do take. The big thing is how much is too much and when is enough enough? IF I am writing on these pages about my struggles with such a small amount- truly, the most I took in one day were 4 pills a few times and I was sickened by it and now I consider myself lucky. At the most I would take 3 pills a day, and that was a rare day. Two a day I was pretty much content. But like anything...even though it took 3 years...I found myself wanting to take more than 2 or 3 pills even though I knew they probably would make me sick. It is like some evil thing just takes over your mind...like booze also does to me. I understand that you are afraid to call and tell your doctor that you are addicted to these pills and you are in total fear that he will shut you down and you will never get anymore. I am here right with you, thinking the same exact thing! What we both are is in the grips of fear and addiction. I know it and you know it. I know that when the worst is over and I come out the other side and am free of this $hit I will feel better than ever. The worst part is the thinking in advance of how can you live life without these pills? you think you can't do it, but you can! WHY? Because you did it for so many years before you took that first pill! I go to AA and in AA we also have addicts and they have NA (Narcotics Anonymous) but in AA they are also there. I would say that just by your screen name of want2quit- you are half way home! I am going to post some other stuff about my weekend here, and it probably won't sound too good, and I probably will sound like the last person that should be giving anyone any advice, but all and all, you are YOUNG, you are HERE, you want2quit! So that is a lot right there!!! Hang in there, keep reading my posts so you will know you are not alone. you will know the right thing that need to be done when the time is right. I hope it is soon- I know it is so very soon for myself, I can only pray the same for you.l
want2quit, make a "new" post so the member will not overlook your request. You will get amazing support here. The first step is realizing you have a problem. The next step is making the attempt to quit!
i have been reading your story. i am 36 years old and addicted to vicoden. i started out about 6 years ago. i hurt my back and my husband suggested i take one of his pain pills he got from a friend. i have always been the type of person who hated drugs i wanted nothing to do with them, unfortunately i took it it was a vicoden 5/500. i really liked the way it made me feel. so i went to my doctor and asked for them. he prescribed them to me. now that was 6 years ago. alot has gone on too much to write so ill get up to date, now iam taking 7/750 it was 2 a day like you, but now im up to about 6 or 7. i really want to try and detox from them, but i am scarred to death to say something to my doctor for fear he will quit giving them to me. iam terrified that i wont be able to do it, especially since ive been on them so long. i get 60 every 2 weeks have been for a couple years and they dont even last. my husband is also addicted. and the same as you we are both alcoholics. we work we function in society, but i need help, i dont know what to do.
Oh, I should add that I may end up having drinks again later today and also tomorrow. I know I am self-medicating. I should have never taken on the responsibility of this big babysitting job, BUT my grandson leaves for Florida in October and I will not see him again until the beginning of Oct. and then after that not until next May!
I know the drinking is not going to solve my problems, but if I don't get drunk then that is a good thing. I was able to do that last night. I know I am flirting with disaster, but I think I can control it for today and tomorrow, Then Monday it is back on the wagon and back to AA and search for a sponsor!
I know the drinking is not going to solve my problems, but if I don't get drunk then that is a good thing. I was able to do that last night. I know I am flirting with disaster, but I think I can control it for today and tomorrow, Then Monday it is back on the wagon and back to AA and search for a sponsor!
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