I love Hydrocodone....It's my obsession.

[Motive]

Hello - Ive been around this forum for too long now. Ive been taking My Favorite Blue or Yellow Hydros now for about 6 years. For years I would only take 4 a day. But for the past year I have been abusing them and taking about 12-15  a day. I love these pills...thats my problem. I am in an abusive relationship with my pills. I will get a bottle of 90 and they will be gone in a few days. Go through WD"s. I will get another bottle a week later and run out....It's a downward circle.  I can't afford to doctor shop and I can't find anyone selling them so I always find myself in withdrawls. I can't count the number of times Ive gone through full W'ds. And Tapper...whats that? I always go cold turkey because, well because I always take all the pills. I used to have a good job and as long as I had these pills when I wasn't abusing them life was great for me. But since I started abusing them life has been HARD to say the least. I can't work because of the constant wd's that I put myself through. I have pretty much gotten used to the sickness. I get nauseated, clammy skin, hot/cold. My skin is real sensitive, no appitite, sneezing, and to me nothing smells right anymore. I dont even like smoking anymore because it doesnt taste the same. And of course the bump on a log, good for nothing depression and not knowing what to do with myself. And the depression stays. Things do not return to normal and suddenly get great after 7 days. I hate the depression. But I am getting real sick and tired of this. Ive been thinking of all the money I am wasting. But man do I love these pills....It's terrible.  I either have to go back to taking 4 a day or none at all.  
Just a late night ramble to share my struggle with you guys.  And to anyone who is afraid of going through wd's from hydrocodone, don't be. I used to freak out when I would run outta pills. But not anymore, I just accept the fact that when I play I pay.  It's the depression that is the worst for me. These pills change your brain chemestry and it is a big adjustment. I don't do any other drugs besides smoke pot but since I have an obsession  with hydro the weed doesn't seem very appealing anymore. I don't post that often but I just felt like it tonight. I hope I can learn to cut back on these pills because they are ruining my life in the most comforting, warm fuzzy way.    Take care all.

[scarytrip]

My kid is on Soboxone Film and doing better every day.

She was inducted on the first day of WDs and had a headache for the first two days but NO CRAVINGS and no WDs.  

The first dose does not have the so called "police" on it, so you won't go into precipiated WDs.  It is a buprenorphine-only medication.  

On the second day she started the Soboxone Film.  Tomorrow she will have 1 week clean. Now the real work begins.

I hope you find recovery too.

[ghostwolf1]

I to love hate these jelly beans, I suffer from panic attacks and optical migrains
and they help me with both but it comes at a cost, my life, its like making a deal with the devil it never works out.
   I try to keep track of how much I take but always lose count its over ten a day.
  The WDs are horrible I get in hours after not taking a pill.
I know I need to get off but just cant, Im thinking of soboxin but not really sure I heard you got to go three days of withdraws before taking it and theres no way
Its controlling my life.

[hobbity]

Oh honey.   I understand.  Thankfully I am starting a serious hard monitoring program that will keep me off this stuff.  Even though my meds are legal prescribed I still have to come off  even though they help my pain and make me so very happy I still have to come off.

I understand the love affair with the pills. They make me feel happy and take my pain and I feel absolutely wonderful. They even cure my depression temporarily. But they are also the root of all evil.
I can only hope that somebody invents a great drug that helps pain, makes you feel this wonderful and the dang thing is not addicting physically and the whole mess is legal and you can live and work while taking them.  I know this is impossible and it would be a super drug  but it is hard to understand how something that makes you feel nice is so bad for you.  I have reached that understanding that in the long run it is not worth it.

[Sunnyd210]

Well I too LOVED my little yellow happy pills and hated the vicious circle. I will tell u that what really really helped me get better was Cymbalta I really dont think I wouldve been able to stop without an anti depressant. I also found a dr that I could talk to and have the best drs ever.

[worried878]

one day you will be tiredof going around in circles..and like mary said...uwill go thru wds and be done with the whole mess...you will be ready to get rid of them and then you will....it doesnt get any better...if u did find a place to buy them, then you would just go broke on top of everything else..and that is not fun either...and there is never enough anyway

good luck and maybe u r getting close to being sick and tired  

[allaboutmary]

I think most of us here have had a love affair with the pain pills. Things will only get progressively worse if you continue this, trust me on that. You need to go through withdrawal and keep going. It would be easier if you can cut off your supply. Call the doctor and tell him. You say you can't work any longer because of the pills.....it will start to effect even more areas of your life.  Keep posting and reading on this forum. It will really help.