Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

I need help and advice on getting off prescript pain killers- but i am not abusing

I have had this battle with myself for 2 years now, almost 3?  During being preg, I had gotten laid off of a great job and needed a paycheck, was very knowledgeable about medical everything (love it and still do), and worked at a pain management.  I woud be disgusted at the people that would come up with lies to get their meds early.  I hated the smell of the poignant smoke that was on them all the time, the crazy lies they would tell to try to get more, getting **** thrown at me while i was pregs working the front desk, i judged these people.  My mom is also very sick and has had a hard life and is on a million meds for a million things, and i hate it.

But after I had my son, I started having really bad back pain, had an MRI, and got on vics, then they changed it to percs and after I had several nerve roots blocks and a burning of the nerve treatment, i woke up from a procedure only to a script for oxy 30 mgs, when I was on 15 before the procedure- did I argue it? Hell  no.  Instead I said great, I'll just take half and always have some left over...of course that didnt last long and soon I was taking the 30s and now have been for a long, long time.

I am a normal person of society, a great mom, I'm smart, hard working, and I achieve what I want whether its through the job, or finishing school, or whatever I want- I truly believe if you put your mind to it, you can do it/get it.  I have always ben a go getter over achiever, but not for anyone else but myself.  So anyway, no one really knew I was on any type of special medication, except my sons father (who we are recently going through a split- even thogh he is one of the only people I can talk to abot all this, and trust).  Of course he has seen the annoying side to bein on this medication, meaning the monthly appointments/**** tests/ and then pharmacies not having it, and if you dont get it in time and the sweats. But he has also seen the true debilitating pain that I get, if I dont have the medication for overnight.

So anyway, here I am, having a hard month with the break up, financially, some dumb **** went down t work (I am recnelty in sales and have been numebr one since I started- with that has come bitter, jealous woman trying to get me down), the break up, whatever, so yes, I finished this months meds early....and now here I am.

So now that you have the history, my problem is that no, I am not in a daze, I dont feel doped up and like I cant do **** when on meds.  No one knows I'm on them, like I had said.  I know I'm a great mom and a great person (I'm 26 by the way), but then there is this side of me that just feels GUILTY and embarassed for being on the meds, and then the hour or two they wear off and I get that burning pain all over....I am just terrified of stopping the meds and being in terrible, terrible pain ALL the time. I don't want to deal with that. I'm just so goddamn torn because I feel like I dont need a rehab, I am not an abuser.  I just feel guilty, because I feel like "normal" people, even people with problems, dont have this problem...and I feel ashamed.

Please help and give me your stories...I am just at home crying and trying to figure out what I should do....while in pain :(

Oh, and I might add that I am on tramadol too that, no, is techncally not an opiate, but its an opiate substitute and I have been on it for years.......that gives you sweats and pain like no other.  Just those two meds I'm on right now.
10 Responses
Avatar universal
I think first of all you need to know, you aren't alone. Not every opiate addict is reeking of smoke, injecting themselves with needles, etc. most of us are functioning members of society with kids, families, and good jobs. You say you don't abuse your meds, yet you're also saying you ran out early this month? Not trying to sound accusatory I'm just wondering if you need to be more honest with yourself about what is going on here.  If you want to come off the meds, you have a lot of support here. And from what I've read, people with chronic pain actually improve when they stop taking their meds. I can't speak from experience on that. Have you talked to your doc about lowering your dose or tapering off? That might've a good place to start. It's tough but you will find life without opiates is so liberating.  
271792 tn?1334983257
First off, if you are not abusing them then how come you ran out early?

Hun, I have to be honest...you need to lose that perception that all people on pain meds are junkies sleeping on park benches. It just simply isn't true. I am college educated, own my own home, etc. and those pills took me down faster than you can blink. And yes, I started on them for legitimate physical pain. So you need to get humble here. Addiction  knows no boundaries. It has no social class and does not care about race or religion. It takes us all.

Are you waiting for a script refill or are you ready to stop? What are you going to do about the Tramadol? That is a difficult and dangerous medication to come off of.
2333944 tn?1342915967
Regarding tramadol.....do some reading about that here.   It is very scary (to me) and a difficult drug to detox from.   It is a synthetic opiate,  I believe.

My story....I am almost 66 years old.   I had been taking Norco 10/325 for about five years.   I have very bad knees.   I live in the country and I have a lot of livestock.   My husband's job takes him away from home 3 weeks out of the month, so I had a lot of work to do around here by myself.   I never really abused my meds.   I can only think of a couple of times where I took five a day instead of the 4 that were prescribed to me.   I started out taking two a day.   One in the morning when I got up and one in the evening when it was time to go out and do my chores.    Rarely, I would take one at night because I had pain in my hips and couldn't go to sleep.

So, I wasn't "abusing them", per se.   But truth be known, I was taking them more for the way they made me feel....they gave me energy.   I felt all mellowed out and happy and I could go out and work and time just flew by.   But I found myself getting antsy any time I didn't have some with me.
Even if I didn't take one during the day, if I went somewhere, I had to have some with me...."just in case".    A few times, they were stolen, and then I got panicky....afraid because I didn't have them.   I knew a woman who was getting them....she had legitimate health problems...but she sold them to supplement her social security, so I had to buy some from her to get me through when mine were stolen (by someone hired to come here and work for me).

I found I was eventually taking one every 4 or so hours.   When I didn't take one, I felt edgy, irritable.   As soon as I took the pill....I was okay.

I still had pain in my knees....and I don't think they helped all that much but I was able to tolerate it most of the time.

Then I broke out in a horrible, itchy rash all over my body.   I had to stop and think about what I was doing.   I have had perfect health.    My doctors have always been amazed at my bp, cholesterol, etc.   All my numbers were excellent.   What am I doing to myself?  Whoa.   That was my wake up call.   That was it.   I quit.   I gave the last of my pills to the old lady I know who sells them and I was done.   At the time, my husband was recovering from knee surgery and there were still 7.5/325's still in the house but I was never tempted to take one.   He took a few and gave the rest away to the old woman too.

I had been afraid of withdrawal....all the time knowing that my whole life I have never wanted to be a "pill popper".   My own mother lived to be almost 100 and never took a pill in her life.   Back when I was growing up, people didn't turn to a pill for every little upset in life, and I didn't want to be like that either.

Anyway, this is too long already....I quit on June 9th...went through withdrawal....bad but not anything I couldn't deal with.   Had little or no energy for about a month, although I did feel better every day.   I take vitamins and try to eat right.  I thought my pain was excruciating when I first quit the pills but as time has gone on, I hardly notice it.   I take an ibuprofen or something like that once in awhile.   I am so glad to be off of them.   I feel like it is the best thing I have done for myself in many years.

I hope this helps you some....and if you want to quit...you will.   Good luck to you.
Avatar universal
I didnt mean to mark that one as best answer, no offense to on2better,  i was writing my response and dont know what happened.

I was writing that basically, yes, I ran out this month early and have noe xcuse, this month I did abuse, I guess that's the right term. I know I am wrong for that.

I know there is no social class and all that, I was just saying my history and how I used to view it to what has happened now.  No matter what, there is a certain shame to it, in my eyes...I'm not saying I am judging everyone bc I am not even that tpye of person, I was just stating that when I was pregnant, working at the front desk and these people were throwing money or papers at me or cussing me out...that that is how I used to view it.

I am just torn I am saying that I dont know what the right answers are. I am in terrible pain a lot, and I hate it.  I am scared to get off the meds bc of the pain and bc my job is so demanding.  But at the same time, there is this "cloud" of shame over my head, even when I take my meds as prescribed, which i really have until this month.
Avatar universal
If you want help you came to the right place. You need to admit to yourself that you DO have a problem. Please LOSE the stereotype!! We are not all injecting needles, snorting pills kind of junkies. We are just like you....damn good moms and dads, classy, own our homes, have great jobs etc. that's called a functioning addict. I was one. I was homeroom mother, super wife and no one knew I was taking percocets like my life depended on it. I am 58 days clean today. If you want to get clean admit you have a problem, and get off the pills. Your life will be better without them. Sorry if I sound harsh as that is not my intention. I just get really upset when people think all addicts are sleeping on park benches. Good luck to you!
271792 tn?1334983257
There is no need for shame. You didn't ask for this. It is addiction at it's finest.

So will you refill the script? If so and you still want to get off then I suggest that you find an alternative pain treatment. Many of us have used physical therapy, aqua therapy and acupuncture, just to name a few. there are other treatments that may help. right now I am undergoing silicone injections. I have 5 herniated disks and have pain every day. some days are worse than others but any day is a good day that I don't abuse pain medication so I keep trying whatever will give me relief.

Also I have to mention that during the withdrawal process our pain level is heightened. I know how hard it is but if you give it some time you will be better able to assess your level. Some of us have found that we really don't have that much pain after stopping the medication. In fact many of us found that otc medications control the pain.

Are you willing to give it some time and find out what your accurate pain level is?
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