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Avatar universal

I need help

Hello. I have no idea how to even put all of this into words that make sense.

I suppose I should start at the start. Really I'm just delaying admitting I have a problem but I do. I have never done anything like this before. It's not me. I've never reached out to anyone like that. I do feel ashamed of myself. I'm trying not to have a pity party.

I'm addicted to codeine. I have been for quite some time. The thing is, I'm only 23 and I feel like my life is over. I used to be a fully functioning codeine abuser. Around four years ago I broke a bone in my back.. My sacrum. I recovered very well! Some pain now and then. I was prescribed a concoction of 'wonderful' things. Including codeine. I love how it makes me feel. That warm everything is perfect feeling. I had a great life, always busy. I realised I had been abusing them for that special feeling. I was with friends, I had took too much and I vomited. They didn't even have a clue. I realised then that that was it. Time to quit. And I did. Cold turkey, sorted myself out.


So now, recently. I really don't have much going for me. I mean, I have a wonderful family and that should be enough I know. I however am stuck in a rut. I just can't believe it's got to this. I stumbled across codeine linctus around a year ago and from then I have been hooked again. It's so embarrassing. I have been being treated for depression and I stopped going to the doctor. I do feel slightly worthless. Even writing this, I'm trying to tell myself I'm worth more than this. I don't go out. I hardly ever leave my house. I can't go a day without codeine because I feel at the minute it's the only thing I have to look forward to. I know it's pathetic. I know I have an amazing family. I sound so selfish and ungrateful. I don't know what to do about it. Perhaps one of you could maybe help?

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

28 Responses
Avatar universal
You're not alone. So many of us feel just like this. When my pain meds turned into an addiction,with it brought severe deppression and self loathing. I didn't know why I felt this way?? I had two beautiful kids a great husband. So of course I felt guilt on top of Everything else. I'd tell myself everyone would just be better off without me. I hated myself and my life. I've been clean just a bit over 5 months now off oxycodone and my life is now so differnt. I'm not back to normal yet,but I'm happy. Do you want us to help you get through the w/d? We can be there for you and give you suggestions to help you through. The pills are doing this to you,plus you could have deppression. What's your goal right now?
Avatar universal
Oh my. Thank you for us a lovely response! I hope you're feeling ok today.

I know I need the help. I just can't believe I have got myself into such a mess. Some days are worse than others but my motivation to quit it's fine until I don't have any. And then I panic.
Avatar universal
Yes that's normal,we all want to quit when we have a full bottle. It's the still wanting to quit when we run out that matters. Once you've got that mind set to quit,you'll never enjoy another pill,another high. You'll only feel guilt Everytime you take one. If you want to quit we will all be here for you. It's hard but it's doable. And so rewarding!
Avatar universal
I tried a few weeks ago but I didn't stick to it. I know I need to find something else to wake up for. How are you feeling today? This week I really am going to stop. I am quite panicky when I think about it but I do know it's for the best. I need to get motivated to get a routine, get up early, take the dog walkies. And actually eat proper meals I know then I will be able to cope but right now that seems so far away!
Avatar universal
I am well thank you! It's been a beautiful Sunday. Kids and I walked to the river and had picnic. Can't ask for anything better. Don't be scared,yes the w/d's suc k,but we will be here for you,and honestly we work ourselves up so much that we cause the anxiety to be even worse. I remember doing that too. Just keep posting through your detox and we will help you the best we can with every new symptom. I was addicted to codiene before the oxycodone. There really isn't a big diff in the w/d's. You feel like sh!t,but I do remember with the codiene they didn't last as long. It's usually really crappy for 5-7 days,but it is doable. Lots of hot baths. Rest when you need,move around as much as possible. Little walks,stay hydrated,Epsom salts,melatonin,imodium.....you just have to getter done Hun. So much better on this side.
Avatar universal
Aw, honey, I feel badly for you.   You're on that addiction spiral that all of us have been in.   The drugs make you feel great until they don't.

I am curious:  where do you get them from?  The first step is to cut off all sources of your DOC (drug of choice.)  If it's a doctor, tell him/her that you don not want any more refills.  If it is a family member/friend, cut them off---NOW.

There is a saying in A/A "you are as sick as your secrets."  Who knows about your codeine addiction?  Consider telling someone, along with the news that you are QUITTING.    Ask them to check in on you.

Withdrawals are quite unpleasant, but not usually anywhere near life-threatening...and they are temporary.    It will help you tremendously if you join a support group as soon as possible (AA, N/A, etc.)  

You wrote what your life was like before addiction, and what it is like now.   Keep re-reading that.  THAT is your motivation.

This is one of, if not THE most important things you will ever do in your life.   It's the right thing to do...no one ever says "gee, I wish I was an addict again."  

I'm having surgery tomorrow and won't be on the forum here for a while, but please, stay here and get involved...there are wonderful folks who will talk you through every step of this process.

Good luck and God Bless,

-Robin
Avatar universal
Hey daisy,I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing? Hope you're well and check in soon love!!
Avatar universal
Hey guys. So I have dramatically reduced from Sunday. I haven't had any today so far. I'm finding it hard to keep myself busy. I really picked the wrong week ha! I have an abscess on my tooth. Grim! And serious pms! But I'm doing it. Hope you are all ok!
Avatar universal
So another update.. I really have made it through the day without any. Yay!
Avatar universal
Yay!!! So awesome daisy! Sorry to hear about your absess. A table spoon each of salt and baking soda mixed together then put on a cotton ball works great to get rid of them until you can get to the dentist. Keep it in there for a few hours. Spit the blood/puss out though when it bursts. It's poison.
Avatar universal
Thanks. The baking soda is relieving the pain. I got antibiotics from the dentist today. I'll be staying with a friend tonight so another night without codeine. I'm doing it
5986700 tn?1380794980
Hi there....I need to say welcome ......I was addicted to codeine for 27 years...621 days clean today!    ...........one year ago, almost to the day, I got an abscess in my upper gums...two bouts of antibiotics and no relief.  I am a naturalist for the most part so I dont know why I didn't do this first ......the "this" is....slicing a piece of garlic and placing it directly on abscess...it will hurt....it will sting...it will draw out the poison immediately, it will WORK within a day!!  I cannot preach strongly enough about this.  Please google "dangers of antibiotics" first off, then google the "wonders of garlic therapy", I challenge you to find anything that doesn't support my advice. I gotta run but am interested to follow your story and am sending support via prayer (meditation).....again, hold off on antibiotics for couple days if you can and try garlic.
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